[ManUp2012]

What are the signs that you are NOT the rebound guy?

The girl I’m talking to recently broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years (they broke up end of oct, beginning of nov). I got set up with her through a mutual friend a month later (December) and took her to my fraternity date night. Best effing date I’ve ever been on. Period.

When I asked her for coffee the following week, she said that she had just broken up with her boyfriend and wasn’t ready to date yet. Her friends the next week, however, notified me about how much she lit up when they asked about our night and how much fun she had. I called her once more to see how finals went (we go to different colleges but they are within 15 minutes of each other) and she replied saying that we should hang out after winter break.

Winter break passed, I didn’t make any contact (2.5 weeks) then when I called her, she seemed excited to hear from me. We made plans to hang out this week, but she had to cancel cos she had to go out of town. However, this past friday, she texted me saying “Hey! So I ended up staying in town for the weekend so if you’re free at some point, I’ll be around”

Unfortunately, I had already made new plans so we couldn’t hang out this past weekend. On the phone, we had a difficult time figuring out a date and time to hang out (the conversation was always light and comical at one point) but she did say if anything we should get coffee and study together. Anyway, we are hanging out Thursday night (I joked about putting my foot down) and she agreed.

My question for you guys is this…how do you know that you’re not being the rebound?
1. We haven’t been texting/calling each other crazy
2. I’ve been letting her live her life and she’s been letting me live my life (i.e. go chill with our friends, take care of business)
3. There is a general sense that we are both attracted to each other but I don’t think she wants to get phyiscal immediately (nor do I cos i really like her)

Expert opinion? Are we both playing it smart?

[April Masini]

You seem to be playing it smart because you’re very aware of her history. But balancing that with how you feel about her is difficult. [i]Slow[/i] is the operative word here. You have to fight any instinct to rush forward because if you overwhelm her she’ll either shy away quickly or else she’ll get too involved too quickly and then suddenly wake up and say, “Wait a minute — what did I just do?” If you go slowly, but consistently, then you’ll both have the opportunity to really get to know each other and decide if you’re the ones you each want to continue to see. 😀

Having sex too quickly, getting physical too quickly, getting drunk or impaired so your judgement is off and you do things you normally wouldn’t, too quickly, are all flashing yellow lights for this relationship. Coffee and studying, spending time together during the day, and creating a slow and romantic courtship is the key to making this work, and by making this work, I mean getting to know each other and not rushing in so that you’re the replacement boyfriend instead of being the guy she is really meant to be with now. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url].

[ManUp2012]

Sorry April,
I don’t think my question was answered.. =/

There are a number of articles online showing signs when you are the rebound guy/girl. However, I have yet to see one that shows that you’re not the rebound guy, even if it the first person someone is seeing after a break up.

[April Masini]

I guess I answered your question personally instead of impersonally! 😆 I usually extend a personal response to each poster here. But if you want garden variety rules that show you’re not the rebound guy — that may or may not apply to your situation, here are a few:

1. She’s been broken up with her ex for over a year.

2. She doesn’t have photos or mementos of their relationship around her home.

3. She doesn’t reference the relationship too much.

4. She’s not jumping into sex and playing house too soon in an effort to replace the “missing limb” that is her ex with you!

I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else!

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url].

[ManUp2012]

Haha thanks for the personal touch

In hindsight, I think it was better for me to stay away from the garden rules cos that just got me more worries. in the general sense, 3 and 4 are a check, 2 I have no idea, and 1 has been in the 3 to 3.5 months timeframe.

[April Masini]

I agree — it’s much better to go with the custom advice. Garden variety rules and books can be incredibly helpful, but they require some extrapolation of the material to fit your specific situation. That’s why I’m here! 🙂

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url]. 😀

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