So, So Confused, Don’t Know What To Think

[kirk1208]

Dear April,
I have recently asked you about my ex-girlfriend situation and how I should go about getting a date with her to get her back. Well we have had several conversation about getting back together(which she brought up). When our relationship was brought up she said that she didn’t want to lose me, but she’s not ready for a relationship anytime soon. In return I told her that I would not wait around for her, because it is not healthy for me and she understood. I also stated that we should not talk, because we need separation, but that I would be there whenever she ABSOLUTELY needed me. She then told me that we would never get back together if we didn’t talk at least once a week. So, two weeks into that conversation she has been texting and calling me almost everyday. I called her once because she was really depressed and needed to study for a test. Me talking to her helped her out a lot. So, I just don’t know how to take this. She is turning down dates and lying that she has a boyfriend (me), so I guess that’s a good sign. She also has been making references to us as a couple, but then turns around and says that she isn’t ready. She said that she wants to visit and stay a weekend with me at my house in a couple weeks, but I just don’t want it to be a sleezy weekend hookup if that’s what it’s going to be. What should I do about this? I don’t want to ruin having a chance with her in a couple weeks to get her back. Is her texting me all the time a sign that she may want to get back even if she doesn’t say it? Thank You!

Alex

[April Masini]

I get a lot of reader posts, so if you don’t attach your current question to your old posts, I can’t know your history and give you a comprehensive response and neither can other readers who learn from all of our posts, and also chime in to help. So please connect your posts together if they’re about the same issue or person.

What I can tell you from this sole, last post you’ve written is that you’ve got to make a decision on what you want from this woman. Right now, you’re letting her run the show. This is never a good dynamic for a relationship. If you want to break up, then don’t tell her you’ll be there for her or call her because she’s depressed. If you do, she’s not going to miss you and decide she wants you back on your terms. Right now, the entire relationship is on her terms, and you’re confused and unhappy about it. You’ve got to man up and pick either a break up or a relationship because this in between dynamic isn’t working for you — and you’re in charge of you! 🙂

Her spending a weekend with you is girlfriend behavior, so if you want to date her, then do it, and spend the weekend together, but if you don’t want to date her, or if you have doubts about dating her and you’ve already broken up with her, then stop communicating with her to really see how you feel. Right now, it’s all derivative and chaotic because you’re broken up, but are still supporting her emotionally and communicating with her and talking about a reunion.

I hope that helps for now.

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