[relationshipa1]

Hi. A few weeks ago my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. His reasons were that we weren’t connecting and “it’s not you, it’s me”. Well, that evening I didn’t fight for him or tell him that we should try to work it out — I was really in shock and this was so unexpected. I just said nothing, we hugged, and we both cried and said goodbye. Well, about 10 days after that, I woke up and realized that was the biggest mistake of my life! I didn’t fight for him! I love him! I needed to tell him…so, against all logic, I went with my heart. I wrote him a sort email and told him that it was a mistake we broke up, I love him, I am sad he is gone, and I should have fought for us. I did my best writing and made sure not to lay on the sappiness or any guilt, but was clear and honest – to the point. I ended the email saying that I wanted him in my life.

Two days later I got a reply…. This is what it said: “Hi [Rinny] – I just wanted to let you know that I got your email. I am doing some soul searching and want to do what is best for both of us; as you do too. We will keep in touch. Take care”.

Um, so, my question/need is…what is that?? What does his response mean?? Does it mean that he wants to be single right now and he doesn’t want a girlfriend, or does it mean he needs to do some thinking about what he wants and sees for his future..and he’ll let me know if he wants to be with me?!?? I am really confused here. He is a sweet, thoughtful, genuine man that would never hurt a fly. So, I trust that he is doing some soul searching – but I don’t know what that means…………………??

[April Masini]

Your boyfriend is trying to let you down gently, but clearly, he wants the break up he imposed two weeks ago. If he didn’t, he’d be asking you to get back together again. But he’s not. When he broke up with you he was very clear. After getting your letter ten days post break up, he feels badly that you’re hurting and want him back when he doesn’t want you back, so he’s tried to say something to honor his own feelings and remind you that he hopes to be friends one day (that’s what “we’ll keep in touch” means), but that he wants a break up. The soul searching just means he’s thinking about the relationship, what led him to want to break up with you and to do so, and what he wants in his life, now. There’s no hidden meaning.

It’s so easy to ready your hopes and dreams into his words, but you’d be wise to pay attention to his actions. He’s done with the relationship, and he’s given you a gift in the clarity of the break up, itself. Although you want to get back together, he doesn’t, and the best thing you can do right now is heal your wounds, let him alone, and when you’re ready, start dating other men.

I know you’re hurt, and it doesn’t feel like it now, but you deserve to be with someone who’s crazy about you and wants to be your one and only. This guy isn’t it, and you deserve Mr. Right. So remember that you will find someone who loves you with all his heart, but it’s not your ex-boyfriend. It’s someone else who’s out there waiting for you!

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