Starting Over With the Same Girl

[TommyBoy421]

Hi!

My name is Tommy and My situation is as follows: When i was 17, i met the girl of my dreams in a young lady named Kat. After our first date, I knew immediately that she was “The one”. We started dating and getting more and more serious. As the months turned into years, we grew together into almost a single person (those in long term relationships from a young age know what i mean). Last year, (12/2010) we moved across country and in together. Everything went great until my friend and roomate moved in. The lack of 1 on 1 time hurt us pretty severely but we tried to push through it. After a little less than a year, the stresses of my job and our living situation caused some serious tensions. While i had no intention of leaving her, i was being bombarded from all sides with comments about how it would be better for all parties involved to split up and go their own ways. After a few months of this, i started believing it and so, one night, i went through with it on the advice of so many people. It never felt right and i was miserable with my decision so i set about to undo my decision. At this point, she had moved back in with her parents 3000 miles away. However, i am now at a stage with her where we both want to undo this horrible mistake but i know i have so much to change about me and about us if we are too work, along with healing her heart and gettign us back on solid ground. I am moving back to CA (where we are from) in a matter of months but i am wondering if anyone, woman in particular, might have some advice for me to help rebuild our relationship while i am here in NY so that we can get right back on the horse when i arrive home. Are there things i should and shouldnt say/do? Is it better to be overly affectionate (as one of her complaints was that i was never very affectionate towards the end) or to keep some distance and mystery to keep her missing me. What other advice do you have for me? Thanks in advance everyone!

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
http://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[jaykaycee]

Hi,

After reading your post, i have to say, if you truly love her, you shouldn’t have to wonder HOW to act around her. You say you know her well, go with that. If it was a mistake to end things and she said you were less affectionate towards the end, its probably because you were, you were mulling in your mind because you had advice from people and doubts from yourself that you weren’t happy so you acted that way. If you both were IN LOVE before the doubt set in, then act accordingly. Treat her the way you feel about her. BUT DO NOT LIE, never tell her something that isn’t 100% how you feel. Talk out the things that had you begin to doubt because it was probably painful for her to not understand where things went wrong. Let her know that YOU and you alone have thought out and how you feel and that you’re willing to do what it takes to make this work because for you its the only way you are going to be happy. Take it from me, I am on the receiving end of this kind of relationship, and my concerns are how sincere he might be in how he truly feels about me. I’m not telling you to re-enact any CINEMA like grandiose win her back kinda thing, but something that for the two of you, shows you really mean what you say. Just don’t string her along if you’re not 100% gonna back it up.

Hope this helps and I hope things work out for the two of you!

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Author]

Posts