[relationshipa1]

Hi April/everyone,
About 3 weeks ago, I met a man online. We hit it off right away, had common interests, and stayed up all night twice just talking online. We emailed and IM’ed on and off after that until about a week ago, I was in the city where he lives (he lives 2 and a half hours from me) visiting a university and we agreed to meet up. However, he didn’t show up to our meeting place at the agreed upon time nor did he call, text or email. I was obviously very angry and hurt. Three days later, I receive an extremely apologetic email from him saying he’s been very sick and in the hospital. I’m still slightly skeptical and ask him what was wrong. He said he woke up in the hospital attached to a machine and was diagnosed with cancer 🙁 I believe him- we’re friends on myspace and all of his friends are posting on his wall and sending warm wishes his way, but I don’t really know how to procede from here. Clearly he has much more important things on his mind right now than me and his dating life, but I really like this guy! And I would be there for him 100% as a friend or whatever he needs right now if he wanted me to. Right now, I’m giving him some space and time to deal with everything… is there anything else I can do besides letting him know I’m thinking about him? I don’t want to be too clingy- I mean, I haven’t even met the guy- but I like him a lot and hope he feels the same. It’s kind of a strange situation though bc we haven’t known each other all that long, and I’m not his girlfriend, so I’m not exactly sure how to act.
I’d appreciate any thoughts/feedback! Thanks 🙂

[April Masini]

Slow down, cowboy! 😉

First of all, one of my strongest pieces of advice that I write about in my book for women called Think & Date Like A Man, is that you [i]should not[/i] call men and/or arrange dates with them. You should not be the aggressor. It breaks one of the basic dynamics of dating: [b]Men like to chase women.[/b] If you take the chase away, by calling him and telling him you want to meet, you’re taking away [i]his[/i] opportunity to chase [i]you[/i]. So slow down, and let the man be the one to call you. If and when he’s interested, he will. Even you live 2 and a half hours away, and you happen to be in his town. Convenience does not trump his being the one to chase you.

Second, since you’ve never even met this guy, and he suddenly gets cancer, he’s got a lot more on his mind than dating, as you admit in your post. This is a time when he has to decide what’s important in his life and how he’s going to conduct his life in the immediate future. He’s probably got a lot on his plate in every area of life. He’s really busy and preoccupied. So, rest assured that he knows how to contact you, and if he wants to, he will. Back off and let him heal. If he wants you to be part of that process, he’ll ask you. But let [i]him[/i] ask [i]you[/i].

Third, I know you think this is a strange situation, but the truth is, it’s not. The facts are you don’t know this guy very well. You’ve met online and have been corresponding for 3 weeks. He got cancer, suddenly and recently, and he’s not making any moves to get together right now. That’s pretty clear if you’re willing to look at it. So don’t be confused. Accept the facts.

Now for the fourth and final point. 🙂 Dating is a numbers game. You have to get up to bat a lot in order to make one of those swings a grand slam. That’s a metaphor for getting out there and meeting and dating lots of men. If you don’t keep getting out there and dating, you’re not going to get a lot of chances to find Mr. Right. So while it’s fine to be there if he wants to correspond with you online, at the same time, don’t put all your eggs in one basket so you’re waiting to hear from him, and focusing all your energy on a guy you haven’t even had a date with yet. Go out and meet other men, too. See who’s there for you! 😀 You don’t have to rule this guy out, but understand he’s got bigger issues than dating someone new on his plate right now, and this may just not be the time for him to call you to get together.

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