”The are we dating or possibly working towards it” dreadful talk. Unsure of how to approach the subject

[throwaway101]

Hi April,
I am currently seeing this man and we have been on about 6 or so dates and we hit it off very well. We have been intimate on several occasions now and i have stayed over at his place. We talk for hours and share many of the same interests. I really really like him but i am unsure of how to bring up the discussion of where this might be going ?. We communicate daily and he is a total gentleman to me saying he likes me too. I feel as though we have great chemistry with one another and maybe we have rushed the sex part but there is such a strong mutual attraction that is just happened haha. I want to know how i should bring up weather or not we are possibly working towards being exclusive or if this is more of a casual thing for him. I am not very good at reading people or reading between the lines so im unsure of his intentions with me. I an wondering how i do ”The talk” and ask him in a non creepy slash aggressive way what we are or what we might be working towards ? Also is it too soon to ask him this ? I honestly just want to know where we stand with each other but i do not want to come off as creepy or aggressive. I am having anxiety over this due to the fact i really like this guy and i just want to know when i should talk to him about all this and how i should .

Thank you for any and all advice you can give me.

[April Masini]

It’s WAY TOO SOON for you to have “the talk” about where the relationship is going. You mentioned six dates — but you didn’t say how long you’ve been seeing him, so here’s a great rule to use (because it works): Use the first three months of dating to get to know each other and simply decide if you want to continue dating. Assume he’s playing the field, as you should be too. If you continue, then use the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. After dating for six months you’ll know a lot more about him than you will in six dates. 😉 And because you have a 4 year old child, it’s really important that you date smart and find someone who’s not just a great partner for you, but a great potential step-father or step-father figure for them. So, slow down!

Next, don’t ever initiate the talk. Guys hate it, and it makes them feel backed into a corner and pressured. If they want you and they want to keep you for themselves, you’ll know it because they’ll act like it and they’ll even initiate it. But when you bring up “what are workings towards,” this 27 year old guy is going to feel like you want a commitment he hasn’t offered or possibly thought about yet. It may also make you look desperate, which isn’t attractive — and you may not be. 😕

I hope that helps.

[Author]

Posts