[mikesmith]

I’ve got this girl that I have been with for 4 years and we’re perfect together, we do everything together, we even planned to get married after we finish our masters degree. But I was always a jerk to her because of my family problems I always react negatively when she tries to talk to me, I ignore her sometimes, we get into arguments but I swear im deeply in love with her.a month ago we argued about something silly and she went all cold, then we fixed it until 2 weeks ago she told me she needs time to think, and gradually started telling me that she doubts her feelings then this week she told me that she doesn’t want to give me a chance, she doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t want to risk giving me a chance and that she hates me.I begged her, cried, brought a gift, told her that i changed and i meant it, all i want to do is to have her back cause I’ve decided to make her the last girl in my life but she refused.I texted her 3 days ago saying she can have 2 months to think, i won’t bother her and I vanished from her life.. I even hide when we’re at university so that she never sees me.i lost my appetite, im crying day and night even in university and i can’t move on. I want to get her back but I don’t know if she means what she said to me about not wanting to give more chances.. even when my friends talked to her she said no.thing is she supported me for 4 years and been the perfect girlfriend, we were so close sexually, and we couldn’t get enough of each other and i dont see myself with another person, and seeing her with another man will make me commit suicide for sure

[April Masini]

[b]First of all, if you feel suicidal, then you need to get help immediately. Please call or go to a hospital and tell them you feel suicidal and that you need help. Don’t keep this kind of feeling secret. Tell friends and family so that you can get the help you need.[/b]

In your pre-posting questionnaire you wrote that this relationship has been going on for four years and that you see each other every day and are both 23. That’s intense because of your youth, your frequency of contact, the length of the relationship, and the fact that it’s probably a first relationship for both of you. But…. these may also be the reasons that you may have taken her for granted. 🙁 When you wrote that you “were always a jerk to her….” and that you “always reacted negatively to her when she tried to talk to you….” you have to understand that these are the types of behaviors that chip away at a a future in any relationship. 😳

I think you know that this is where things went wrong and the question is, are you willing to make changes in your behavior — whether or not you get her back? Whether you’re with her, someone else, or alone, these aren’t great character traits. If you are up for change, you may have a chance at winning her back, but you have to show her, not just tell her, that you’re a changed man… and after dating for four years, that’s not an easy task. So here’s what I suggest. First, stop hiding from her. That’s taking a lot of energy on your part, and you have to get back to a more normal and honest reality. If you see each other every day, then make sure that that contact is positive. Smile. Ask her how she is. Tell her you’re sorry and that you miss her. And mostly, tell and show her that you’ve changed.

When relationships fall apart, it’s not just bout the break up — there’s an opportunity to learn about yourself, if you’re willing, and to make changes if you want to. That’s where you are right now. Take one day at a time, and make each day positive. No more hiding or being a jerk — just positive, outward, honest behavior.

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