[relationshipa1]

if my bf finds this posted he’ll be so mad :S but i just need someone to talk to…
i’ve been dating my man for almost 2 years. it’s been a rocky road but in the last few months i’ve felt happier than i’ve ever been. i felt like he was my soulmate. that it was him and i against the world.
i put him and us on a pedestal – feeling like i was on cloud 9 and nothing could hurt us.
last weekend i found msgs that he had sent another girl. a girl that we have had a few fights over – the only real fights we’ve had…whom he swears and swears is just a friend. i took him at him word.
but the msgs hurt me soo much….i just don’t know what to think anymore.
they were really flirty and planning a get together and how she is such a cheap drunk and how he will be too. and how he was going to tell me he’s going to his guy friend’s house because he can’t deal with anymore jealous drama from me. she laughed and was ok with everything. “o i’m thinking completely innocent thoughts *teeheehee*” “me too”…just…wow. i was soo angry and hurt. i confronted him right away about it and he was equally as angry. he said those msgs were exaggerated and even after he sent them they didn’t “sit right” and that he planned to actually just be up front with me, take the heat, not lie and have a tame night with his friend. i’ll never know….he said “so i flirted and talked some shit..i didn’t actually follow through on anything!”
we fought for a few days..it was the worst we’ve had. and he reassured me and reassured me. we forgave eachother and decided to move on in our relationship.
but now..things are different for me. a few times i’ve seen him at his phone..with a little smirk on his face. and i just seem to know who he’s talking to… and i get sooo angry. he said this kind of talk wouldn’t continue..but i don’t believe him. he’s shaken me. given me a reason to not trust him. and i’m just not over it…
things are good between us…but i just don’t care anymore. i would have never done that to him…
so if he doesn’t care, why should i. i no longer feel like it’s us against the world. i feel like it’s me against the world. and i love him …. and i’m supposed to be over this…
but i keep finding myself dwelling on it…and i’m bitter. i don’t do things that i used to. i’m not as attentive to him anymore….
i’m just looking for someone to talk to. thank you….

[Anonymous]

You know, this sounds very similar to what i am dealing with now, my current gf has been texting this guy every day, 15-25 times a day, and when i confront her, she just becomes angry and tells me to shut up.

I do not know where to go, who to turn to, I have no close friends , I just feel so alone in this world without her. It hurts me so much.

Every emotion you are feeling now I am feeling the exact same.

[April Masini]

Since you wrote that you and your boyfriend have had a rocky road except for the past two months — and then you found some suspicious text messages from him to another woman, I’m thinking that your upset is not just about the text messages. These text messages seem to be the cherry on the sundae that is that rocky road you describe as most of your two year relationship.

Your putting him on a pedestal was probably a mistake. Most people make mistakes and are human — and some just aren’t in the right relationship at the right time. The real question for you is, can you get over this feeling of his betraying you? If you can’t, then you’ll never have peace in the relationship. When you write that you’re now bitter, it seems like you really want a man that you can feel you can face the world, or any problem, with, hand in hand. You’re looking for a guy with a strong character who is ready to commit to you and not need cheap thrills from flirting with other women.

You may have miscalculated with this current boyfriend. Sometimes these problems that come to light aren’t really problems — they’re gifts. They show you that the guy you’re with isn’t the right guy for you, and rather than be grateful that you’ve found out before you spend too much time on the wrong guy, you get angry that you mistook Mr. Wrong for Mr. Right. Oops!

You can try and let time pass and see if your boyfriend shapes up. However, since he feels like you’re being overly dramatic in your reaction to finding out about his secret text messages, he may not be tolerant of your hurt feelings, and what you really need is someone who is understanding and willing to compromise with you.

[Author]

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