Two Weeks

[galsbestgal]

Alright, so, I have recently become close friends with this senior at my school. I recently found out that he initially talked to me because he thought I was cute, and now he’s like “head over heels” for me, but I’m not yet sure how to feel about him.

There are a couple of red flags I have about the final decision as to whether or not I should date him: he has an ex-gf that still doesn’t want to leave him alone and who hates me even though she’s never met me; his friend wants to get to know me, and he doesn’t know how to tell him that he has feelings for me and doesn’t want to hurt him; I know that I’m the type of person who would try to destroy a relationship, likely by trying to change his appearance or something like that.

But then there are the good parts: someone to always talk to (we talk almost constantly), someone to hold, etc. I told him that I won’t know my decision for two weeks; because, the way I see it, everyone deserves two weeks of your attention. That’s how long it usually takes for my heart and head to work together. If someone doesn’t captivate me fully, then I won’t pursue them further.

So, my question for you guys is, what advice or insight do you have into this matter? I don’t want him to date someone else, but I don’t want to lead him on-he deserves better than that. And, please, don’t hold back, I need as much to help me decide as possible.

Thanks and much love,
Jen <3

[katdawg]

you’re a senior in high school? you should not date anyone unless you are searching for a husband. you’re under twenty i assume. you are too young, in my opinion, to be dating; you should be living your life and exploring who you are. don’t you not want to go to college and set a foundation for yourself and your future before becoming serious with someone that can possibly change your path in life forever? two weeks for your heart to match what your mind? wow? i’ve dated a man for three years and i’ve barely learned everything i need to know about him before making the decision: i want this man to provide for me and our 84 children. he has everything i want in a man and know he is a provider. three years have gone by and we’ve been together long enough to know how we handle the most difficult situations, the most easiest of situations, and we know we’re in it together for the long haul, obviously. THREE YEARS! Two weeks and you already know? Wow!

[katdawg]

but you know what? i give you big kudos to be wary and even have a “red flag”! you are way ahead of the game than i was when i was under twenty; i’m thirty-seven now. i think you have a good head on your shoulders and even questioning his relationship with his ex-girlfriend that still seems to be going on is a good sign you know what you want and don’t want. if i knew then what i know now…i wouldn’t be worrying about dating. having friendships is a great way to learn more of what you want from a man by getting to know different types of them. i think you have a lot of years rather than two weeks to figure out and make that decision.

[April Masini]

My advice for you is to take things slowly. Two weeks may be what you need to decide whether or not to go on a first date with him, but don’t commit yourself to someone just because you both like each other. As you so aptly articulated, there are good and bad things about going out with this guy — and that’s what you have decided before you’ve gone out with him. That set of lists of good and bad things will change as you both get to know each other, and you should be ready and willing to maybe either continue dating him, or to hold back, or to decide you’re not compatible and better not dating each other.

So try not to see things in black and white so much, and understand that relationships are all about a dance between two people, and you and this guy will get to know each other as time passes. You’ll figure out things you didn’t know about each other, and about yourselves.

Since you’re in high school, keep an open mind about dating, and consider going out in groups, as well as a couple so that things don’t get too intense too quickly.

I hope that helps!

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