undecided on what’s next

[relationshipa1]

I found out my boyfriend is still married..?
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 6 months, he had come clean about being married and that he was ” divorced”, I let it go and trusted that I was dating a “single man”.. We now live together . A few months after we started dating I had discovered that he didnt exactly tell me the truth about how long they were together and when they ended it. They had “broken it off/ divorced” 4 months before we started talking.. I confronted him about it, and he had told me he didnt want me to think he wasnt ready to move on, and that he wanted to be with me and he thought if I knew he was so recently married he would be scared I would leave him becasue I would think he’s using me as a rebound. He said he was very sorry but he didnt want to lose me over something so dumb, something he regrets, a 2 month marriage that ended and was a huge mistake… We have a great relationship, he always communicates well with me. I once told him about how I dated a guy and found out he was separated from his wife and I immediately broke things off, So I can understand why he wouldn’t want to lose me when he obviously hates his ex wife . Well, I went snooping recently and found a conversation with his “ex wife” about this pending divorce.. it stated that according to canada divorce proceedings ( she lives far away so I dont have to worry about her being in the picture), you must separated for a year before the divorce is granted, so, coming up in the next few weeks, the divorce will be finalized. He told me it WAS finalized last year, but what really happened was, last year the separation date began and the year is approaching to finalize the divorce..The email was very polite, nothing bad, he is asking her to handle the divorce ASAP and what his next step is…he is obviously trying to get this done and overwith – but .. I asked him numerous times if he is either separated, or divorced – and he stands by being divorced.. He is lying to me again, and I know the reason is because I will be very upset that I’ve been with a man for the past half a year who is still legally married. If he had come clean and just told me ” im considered separated and the divorce will be finalized later on for this and that reason” then I would understand, but I know he is just telling me the divorce is final because he doesn’t want me to end things with him – I know he doesn’t want to hurt me. .. So, I will not admit I have snooped, because that is VERY wrong in a relationship. I have admitted to him befroe and he was very upset with me, he respects my privacy as I should his.. So, I cant say anything about what I know about him not being divorced. From what I think will happen next is she will mail him documents to sign, which will end up at my house, and hopefully I will get the mail that day, and see it, and confront him then.. I dont know whether this is important enough to break up with him over, I know the reason why he is lying and I understand why, I am actually not that upset. But I am just wondering what to do from here, and I hope the truth comes out naturally without me having to admit I knew this whole time.. I am not even sure what question I am asking here, but I just dont know what to think..He is a grown man handling his business and trying to get it done and overwith.. He doesnt want to worry me with stupid divorce crap and probably remind me of his exwife, I have told him I just dont even wanna hear about her, so I know he is just trying to handle this privately and move on with me. But the lie of it, im not sure if this is a big lie or a little lie. He talks about OUR future together, he comforts me when Ive had a bad day , he tells me im great all the time, and he is just all around a good man for me, but this one thing , this one thing I just dont know what to do.. Should I just let it go?

[April Masini]

You’re writing to me because something is bothering you and I’m going to help you clarify. Your boyfriend is married and isn’t honest with you. This is a deal breaker. 😳 When a guy lies to you about his being married, expect more of the same down the line. But first you need to stop enabling his behavior. Your boyfriend lies to you to protect HIS best interests, not yours. When you say he didn’t want to worry you about his divorce, you’re pulling the wool over your own eyes. 🙁 He doesn’t want you to leave him because of who he really is, so he lied to keep you in the game. This wasn’t about protecting you — it was about protecting him.

My advice is cut your losses and find a guy who is honest. A liar has a bad character and character is the cornerstone of who a person is. You can do better. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].

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