It sounds like your problem isn’t really with this boyfriend — it’s with you and in your head. If your past has scarred you so deeply that you can’t have a normal romantic relationship without contemplating yourself getting hurt, and this fear is keeping you in a state of stress, then the work you have to do is with yourself.
Maybe you can try looking at things differently than through those dark gloomy glasses you have on. In spite of all the pain you’ve endured — you’re still here! And you still manage to find boyfriends! So there is much about you that is lovable and strong.
One thing is constant in life, and that is that you will get disappointed, rejected and hurt. Probably more than once or twice. And that is a constant for everyone. How we all recover and heal makes us all unique! 🙂
The other thing to remember is that you are not a victim. You don’t have to be in a relationship if it is too painful for you. As long as you don’t have children, you can always just pick up and leave, take a break, or live your life single. So, remember: You’re not trapped. The flip side of that thought is that any relationship you choose to be in is just that — a choice. Your choice! So choose wisely, and when things aren’t healthy, walk!
Maybe looking at things from a different perspective will take away some of the fear of pain from a broken heart you have. Living like that must be a real burden, and a real gloomy way. Let it go, and remember the good that is in your life, and the choices you have.
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