Urgent Help Needed

[mulla]

Hi,
I recently met my current girlfriend on a dating website about 5 weeks ago, after about 2 weeks of chatting online we met for the first time, i went to her house for the first date and everything went fine.
3 days later we decided that we would start a relationship and i spent about 7-9 days of the next two weeks at her apartment.
On Monday this week she went on holiday for 2 weeks to see her dad abroard and i felt gutted as i cant stand not seeing her, i stopped at her apartment on the Sunday night and was dreading the next day, as i would have to say bye for 2 weeks, even thought its just a 2 week holiday that i wouldnt see her for, it was still hurting.
So anyway, Monday come along and i had to say bye, i was nearly crying but kept all my emotions back and got home where i text her telling her how hard it was for me to leave her and how much im going to miss her and she said i was freeking her out, so i said sorry and that i was being stupid and hoped she had a good holiday ect ect and things seemed ok.
On tuesday i got a message saying that she just landed safely and that she loved me lots, and i text back saying glad she is ok and enjoy her holiday ect ect but after that i didnt get a message back, nor did i the next day, but i sent her an e-mail on wednesday saying basically hello, how are you, and mentioned what i had been up to, but still no reply although admittedly she hadnt checked her webpage, so today i thought i would send a polite message just saying the same stuff like, hi how are you, hows the holiday ect ect and i got a message back saying this…

[quote]Hiya babe, you’re gonna have to chill with the emailing and texting ok, it is costing me money every time u text and cant get on net that often. You’re really full on it is freaking me out to be honest. I could do with a bit of space.
x[/quote]

Now i think i have completely screwed things up, i dont want to be full on or freek her out, i want to be a good boyfried and spend the rest of my life with her, can anyone see where i could vastly improve or better myself so that this relationship is a sucessful one?
Any help much apriciated 🙂

[April Masini]

Good question — easy answer. Listen to your girlfriend. She’s telling you what she wants. It’s a reasonable request. Do it.

It sounds like you came on too strong, too fast. Every relationship has it’s own rhythm determined by both people. It’s kind of like a dance between two, or a pas de deux, as the French say. You don’t know each other that well yet, and while you write that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, you’d be wise to keep that to yourself for at least six to twelve months. I can assure you she’ll freak out if she hears this. She’s just not in the same place you are right now. That’s not to say that she won’t be at some point. In fact, you may tantalize her by not being so available, and leaving her wondering.

It’s easy to Monday morning quarterback, but in hindsight, I’d tell you that spending seven to nine days of the first two weeks after you’ve met, together, was way too much. But it’s not too late to slow it down now. When she comes back, play it cool. Dating is the way people get to know each other and only then, when they really know each other after six months to a year, and sometimes longer, then they can make an informed decision about whether or not to spend the rest of their lives together.

I know love and lust are exciting, but slow down, cowboy. You don’t want to blow this one, so take it easy for a while.

[mulla]

Thanks a million April, i was getting stressed as i hadnt a clue what i was doing wrong lol, im deffo gonna be MR cool in the future 🙂

[serendipidous55]

Well, we all need help and when we need it , it seems urgent. But the truth is that this is not life or death.

In your mind, it is urgent. So maybe doing other things with other people would fill your mind so that you do not obsess about it. get some perspective.

She is not on the same page as you are. Where she is in this relationship is not at all clear. So the truth is that you probably got sexually involved, that sex can be very bonding for some and for others it is just sex, and sounds like you bonded emotionally and she didn’t.

You never close a deal or get a deal in buisness if you are not willing to leave it. That is to say you have no negotiating power in biz if you want to buy an asset or close a deal at any cost- people act desperate in biz too.

If you feel emotionally desperate, then probalbly it is not love, it is unfilled emotional needs within you. And filling wholes within us through other people… well, it never works long term. Short time is glue but not a long term basis for a great relationship.

I suggest you adopt a better attitude towrds yourself.. wow, I am the prize; she is lucky to be with me; if she wants me, let her show it.

It could be that she is not emotionally mature too. Maybe she likes men who don’t like her and rebuff men who like her? You know, the old chase mentality. Well, there is always an element of that even in a healthy relationship, but it is rooted in insecurity and offers no long term foundation for true love.

On the plus side, you seem to be an emotional and sensitive man and there are plenty of women who crave that in a relationship!

Good luck. have fun. take a closer look at some other babes out there whike she is chillin’.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Please let me know how things are going for you. 😉

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