[relationshipa1]

Okay so basically very long story.. I met this guy Brian who I thought was really great we started hanging out and talking we hooked up a few times and a few weeks had passed and i really started to like this guy, when I found out from my ex-boyfriend Kyle (who had gotten word I was seeing Brian) that Brian had a girlfriend of two years!!!.. so I confronted Brian and he denied it until we became facebook friends, I saw it. He then told me that he would leave her for me, which I believed. So stupid me, after about 5 months of seeing him I ended up losing my virginity to Brian one night when we were in the moment. He told me he loved me, and I replied I loved him back and I really did mean it. He eventually left his girlfriend to be with me. After he broke things off with her he told me he wanted to wait to be with me. I didn’t understand this at all, how do you tell someone you love them then ask them to wait for you? So I did something to make him jealous on St. Patricks Day when I was in front of all of our mutual friends I madeout with a hot fireman in front of all of them.. Boy was he pissed! We ended up going out the next week because he told me he couldn’t take the thought of me being with another guy. So everything was going great I finally got the guy I wanted but we both had jealousy issues, me cause he cheated on his ex with me, and him cause of the fireman. We fought like a normal couple, but as gay as this sounds when I’m with him I could be myself and everything just felt so right everytime I was by his side. We would finish each others sentences, we could even be together for a straight week and not get sick of one another. So after dating for 6 months and things were going great, I had planned a trip before I met him to go to Aruba with my two best friends before I had started dating Brian, problem was the week I had booked was his birthday! I felt terrible, but I wasnt going to change my plans last minute I couldnt. By the way my two best friends hate Brian because of his cheating past. So I go away and call him everyday, and made sure to call him at 12 AM exactly to be the first to wish him happy birthday, was on the phone with him so much that my two friends told me to stop calling him and just enjoy my vacation but i missed him. So when I returned he was at the airport and I went straight back to his place with a bag of clothes to stay overnight. As Im lying with him I get a phonecall from my friend Veronica, who I had gone away with. She asks if Im with Brian I said Yes I’m lying next to him why, she goes walk away. I did And my heart dropped at this point she goes I have to tell you something I repeated I already know what your gonna tell me he cheated on me didnt he? She said yes Caitlyn I’m sorry I dropped the phone, I confronted him right then and there and he denied it. A friend of mine Erin had seen him making out at a bar with an ex-hookup (who had a boyfriend) lovely. I guess this was my karma for being the girl on the side when he was dating Christina (the girl of two years). Well he denied this for a good week then, eventually admitted to it. Telling me that he denied it because he knew I would leave him if he told the truth and he couldnt imagine losing me. Well I broke things off with him immediately and eventually he emailed me, called me, facebook messaged me, Imed me, texted me, left me voicemails, wrote me a letter, called my house for a week straight and so I heard him out he seemed pretty sincere about it all, even was hysterical crying when I had agreed to meet him. And after all it was just a kiss. So I took him back, because at the end of the day I did still love this boy. After I took him back things were bad. We would fight all the time cause now I didn’t trust him at all. We would break up then go back out every other week. One of the times we broke up I ended up hooking up with a mutual friend of our Kevin’s roomate Ash. I told Brian the next day I hooked up with Ash. He was furious actually cried in front of me. I told him I was sorry but now we were damaged. We would still see each other, and he would tell me he was going out with girls on dates, and this made me mad so I would go out and hook up with someone, as would he. We were both very spiteful at this point, but no matter what we just kept going back to each other, after months of us doing this, and fighting and being on and off. We eventually decided that it was best that we just hookup with each other and not see other people but not officially go out. While we were at this one and off point, My father passed away, he was very good at first with it, he never left my side at the wake, and I even started a fight and asked for him not to come to the church the next morning, and he showed up and just hugged me. After a month had passed since my father passed away, it was now thanksgiving. I don’t have a big family it’s just my mom my sister Jackie and me. My sister went to her friends house, and my mom went to her boyfriends families house so I decided to go to Brians family’s house since he invited me. Things were going okay we both had a few drinks in us, and something set me off and reminded me of my father, I mean it was the holidays! So I started crying and ran off, he came outside yelling at me that his whole family had seen me crying and he was embaressed. I started crying even more that he didn’t even care! I ran away. But I couldn’t run far I was in Staten Island, and I lived in Brooklyn. I called the only other person I could think of when my mom didn’t answer. I called my ex- boyfriend Kyle. He didn’t hesitate to say anything he offered to pay for my cab ride home and he did. I was vulnerable at this point too. So I got dropped off at Kyles house and all of my friends were there so it worked out. I eventually got a call from Brian the next morning saying how sorry he was and he was drunk and didn’t even remember and I told him everything he did and he apologized and felt like shit. So I forgave him but I didn’t mention that Kyle had paid for my cab, because I knew that would’ve just started another fight I didn’t have the energy to get into. Me and Brian were actually doing okay at this point now we were seeing each other for almost a month, and then I drunkenly ended up having sex with my ex- boyfriend Kyle one night. I think there was still some lingering feelings between me and Kyle, cause We had gone out for 2 months we broke up over a stupid fight, but he had other girlfriends after me and he was away at college, so I barely saw him so it was kind of like I never got a chance to get over him because he was out of sight. I always did wonder about what would’ve been but whenever I did see him I always felt like he was the one who got away for me, and we always stayed friends but always flirted and he even looked out for me when he knew I was seeing Brian, by telling me that Brian had a girlfriend. I LOVE BRIAN THOUGH, so this is a confusing matter. I told brian that week about what happened between me and Kyle and he decided to go away on vacation with his ex-girlfriend Christina for her birthday that next week. I apologized over and over and told him I regretted having sex with Kyle, and that I had been through a lot and I just wanted to be with him. He didn’t care and went through with going to Miami with Christina, when they returned they were “in a relationship” on facebook. I was devastated. I didn’t leave my room for a good week. Kyle checked in with me to see if I was okay, because he knew that I really did love Brian because I did talk about him but I refused to answer Kyle thinking it would only make matters worse between me and Brian. After a month passed that they were still dating, I started feeling okay again because I hadn’t seen him. He then calls me telling me he missed me, and that all I had to do was tell him I missed him back and he would breakup with Christina. I refused to do so. I said I was doing fine without him, and that he should stay with her and be happy, as much as that killed me inside. I also told him that I couldn’t bear to be friends with him while he was with her because it was too painful, then I hung up. Next week This kid steve (an ex- hookup of mine that I saw in between both Kyle and Brian) calls me and asks me out, So I start to see him and we eventually end up hanging out and seeing each other for two months! And I really do start to like this kid Steve, but he was nothing compared to Brian. I found myself constantly comparing everything he did to Brian. We had sex and I found myself regretting this also. I ended things Steve two weeks later. Brian had found out that I stopped seeing this kid Steve from a mutual friend, and broke up with Christina, and we just started seeing each other again. Our Spitefulness had gotten out of control though. I told him that I couldn’t deal with it anymore and that next time I wouldn’t be coming back. We discussed everything I told him I had sex with Steve and he told about Christina, but i had heard from his best friend drunkenly he said sex with a girl named Jessica as well which he denied.. I didnt know what to believe. This is something I wish I had never said about Steve though. This just caused MORE FIGHTS between us. We stopped seeing other and would see each other again. But I love this kid too much too walk away. After almost five months we aren’t together why would I still have feelings for this boy? So I said I would see him then the next week I would say I couldn’t see him, then I said I wanted to see him I kept changing my mind. I still keep doing this. We have been on and off still me and Brian for two years were still seeing each other, but seeing other people, and he still tells me that all I have to say is that I just want to see him and he wouldn’t hesitate to make it official, but Is this a good situation to put myself back into is something I question I don’t want to get hurt anymore. I think after everything I have been through in my life I do deserve some kind of happiness, and Brian does make me very happy but I am very hesitant and scared of him hurting me again as is he. I mean I honestly do love this boy with everything in me. But After everything we did to each other, are we able to fix this? My mom told me too much damage had been done for us to fix. But if this was the case why were we both still going back to each other after two years?

[kai]

Hi, I’ve told this to several other people who have posted questions in the WELCOME AREA: the Welcome Area [b]IS NOT for questions[/b] and [u]should not[/u] be used to get advice. 😮

it says “DO NOT post your questions” here, when you go to sign up. 😳

Please [b]repost your question in the Q & A Relationship Advice Forum[/b] if you want to get a response from April.

[b]you won’t get a response to your question here — this is the welcome area.[/b] 😀

[April Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Author]

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