Wanted to flirt with a guy but feel awkward

[Evie]

Has anyone had the experience of wanting to flirt with a guy you’re interested in but didn’t because you feel awkward your parent(s) are right there with you? Now back out in the dating field after a long relationship that just dissolved, and living in a country that I had been away from for a long time, my mom had been trying to encourage me to go out and meet people.

Alright, so last week I went out with my mom, and while we’re having our hair done at the hair salon, I met the stylist who was working on my hair, who looked kind of cute and I wanted to flirt with him, talk to him, get to know him even if it’s as a friend.

I had no problem with flirting with guys in the past, even when my friends are around, but this time, I feel really awkward doing it. My mom was sitting in the chair next to me getting her hair done and the guy was standing behind me working on my hair. Now if my mom wasn’t around, I would have done it, but that day at the salon, I completely shut down. I only like smiled at him if he said anything and was quiet throughout the entire ordeal. I felt really awkward with the idea of flirting with a guy in the presence of my mom (well just my parents and family members in general).

Reason being, I don’t feel close to my parents as I feel I should be. They used to be the type of parents who both worked when I was a child and growing up. After coming home from work, there’s really not much family time. Not that there are much now of that either. I never talked to my parents about love and relationship stuff. What they know about my last relationship was simply that I dated this nice guy who asked me to marry him, and when we broke up, they just give me the whole “if he’s yours, he’s yours, if not, let go” thing. That’s about it.

Because of the lack of closeness, I felt weird doing something like flirting with a guy in the presence of my mom that day. I don’t know what my mom will think and I don’t know if I wanted to know what she thought if the flirting had happened. Also meeting that guy there, it made part of me think that I lowered my standards in looking for a guy, and that in turn made me feel as though I’m desperate. It made me feel that because as a few (not too many thank God) friends in the past had viewed me as being part of the “rich” group, as in the country and city I’m living in eight now, my parents and I live one of the expensive parts of the city where most rich people live. And that label has kind of stuck since then.

So I guess my real question is, next time I’m in a situation like this where I meet a guy I want to flirt with and get to know, but feeling awkward because my parents are there or people who I don’t want to do this in front of, how should I go about approaching the guy? I don’t want to lose opportunities just because I felt strange or awkward.

[April Masini]

You’d be surprised how many people pass up opportunities (with regrets) because they feel awkward or uncomfortable. My advice is to understand that feeling awkward is part of life and you have to power through it and not let a feeling get in the way of your behavior.

One of the ways to get closer to your parents is to let them know who you really are, and if you like a guy and want to flirt with him and your mother is in your presence, then flirting with him will let her know who you are. 😉 So, really, by flirting with him in front of your mom, you’re killing two birds with one stone: flirting with this guy, and letting your mom know who you are so you become closer.

🙂

I recognize you as a regular here 😀 and I’m sure you’ve read posts on this forum from men who don’t approach a woman because they feel awkward about it — and then they lose out on the opportunity. The moment passes; the day passes; the week passes; the month passes and sometimes years pass — all because someone allows feeling uncomfortable stop them from letting a potential Mr. or Ms. Right know they’re interested!

Hope that helps you!

Please “like” me on Facebook: [url]http://www.facebook.com/april.masini.9[/url]. 😀

[Evie]

[quote=”April Masini”]
One of the ways to get closer to your parents is to let them know who you really are, and if you like a guy and want to flirt with him and your mother is in your presence, then flirting with him will let her know who you are. 😉 So, really, by flirting with him in front of your mom, you’re killing two birds with one stone: flirting with this guy, and letting your mom know who you are so you become closer.
[/quote]

I think it will take a lot of courage for me to do that. But I guess it couldn’t hurt. Considering that for all my life, they’re oblivious to what’s happening to me. They only notice things about me when it has to do with money and academics (I feel like the black sheep of the family sometimes). They never ask me about anything beyond that. I never showed my true emotions to them as I’ve learnt at a young age to never cry in front of my parents as more crying leads to more scolding. So whatever it is, I cry alone in my room, I keep it inside or talk with my friends or those outside the family that I trust.

And somehow I mind what they think. I don’t know if they have problems with me or my sister dating or in a relationship with someone who’s socioeconomic status is or could be lower than that of my family. I know some parents do mind but I really have no clue with my parents. I think we’re too disconnected. Sometimes at home I just feel like I’m only there for the food, shelter, and clothes. I’m scared that if I do flirt with a guy I’m interested in, my mom or dad or both will just give me a hard time about it.

And I love this forum! I like reading other people’s advices, your advices, and sharing past experiences with others. This is a great place!

[April Masini]

I looked at some of your older posts and gathered that you’re about 30 years old. It’s definitely time for you to start being yourself in front of your parents and processing the difference between their reactions to your life, and your ability to create your life.

I appreciate that it will take courage, but ironically, the way to get courage is to practice it. 😉

Thanks for your kind words about this forum — and I’m glad you’re here. 😀

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