wants to talk

[relationshipa1]

A month and a half has passed since we broke up. It was a loss of connection break-up, nothing horrible…it just ended. I had emailed him twice to let him know that I loved him and that I wanted to talk with him. He responded both times by letting me know he wasn’t ready to talk – he was stressed and needed time. Well, I sent him a card a few days ago for his birthday and just wrote a couple nice things for him – nothing about love or us or missing him. I just wished him a wonderful day. I had made him the card too. Earlier today I got an email from him in which he thanked me for the card. He then wrote that he wanted to get together and talk with me, if I still wanted to. The last sentence he wrote said that he was still not ready or in the place to be in a relationship. I understand what this means – he is not giving me false hope. But why does he want to talk? He says he thinks it is a good idea. I wrote him back and said that I would meet him he just had to let me know when and where. I think I should just go into this calm, not emotional, and honest. I want to hear everything he says, but I want him to know how much I love him and want to be with him – without him feeling like I am needy or distraught without him. I do want him back and can’t imagine my life without him.

So, how do I approach this talk???? I would love some advice – I can’t let him go and want to be very clear with my feelings for him, but I don’t want to scare him off…

[benjamin]

pritty tricky, well i’d say meet him and just generaly support him as much as you can, so he know’s your there and you care about him, listen to what he has to say and try to understand it, and if you have any troubles on your mind, you should be open about it and tell him, but say somthing like, when your ready, ill be waiting for you, then your not pressuring him, your letting him know, when hes ready, that your there. He ovs loves you otherwise why would he want to talk face to face? he just ovs has some issuces he needs to sort out, so i’d just say give him all the space he needs and all the support you can give to him, and when hes ready, he’ll be able to tell you still love him, otherwise why would you support him? give him spaces? ect…. so really you don’t need to say you love him ectt…. your showing that with your actions.

hope it helps

[benjamin]

pritty tricky, well i’d say meet him and just generaly support him as much as you can, so he know’s your there and you care about him, listen to what he has to say and try to understand it, and if you have any troubles on your mind, you should be open about it and tell him, but say somthing like, when your ready, ill be waiting for you, then your not pressuring him, your letting him know, when hes ready, that your there. He ovs loves you otherwise why would he want to talk face to face? he just ovs has some issuces he needs to sort out, so i’d just say give him all the space he needs and all the support you can give to him, and when hes ready, he’ll be able to tell you still love him, otherwise why would you support him? give him spaces? ect…. so really you don’t need to say you love him ectt…. your showing that with your actions.

hope it helps

[Anonymous]

I agree with the above. I wud meet him. He obviously cares about you when he wants to meet you. I have kinda been in the same situation before and it does help to meet them but my advise would be to let him speak first and hear what he has to say because as you said you told him a couple of times that you loved him and then when you sent him the card and didnt say it – he was the one who wants to meet. He may feel that you were coming on strong so I wud back off and he’s soon realise what he is missing but give him the space and let him do the running. That is jst my opinion and I wud say there is loads of people who would disagree but gud luck

[Anonymous]

Thank you both for your replies!!!! I absolutely agree with both of you! I think you both have given me some great advice and I will certainly follow what you have said — now I feel a lot better going into our talk. I have, obviously, thought about this a lot – searched the internet for tips and articles about meeting with an ex. All of those articles suggest game-play. I don’t play games, I am too old for games, and I think that being honest is the way to go. I feel like I have nothing to lose at this point and playing games only makes things more convoluted in the end. I plan on meeting him on Friday. I will let him talk and say what he has to say and I will support him and give him his space. Thank you again for your replies!

[April Masini]

It sounds like he either wants to end things for good and have them finalized, or to just explain to you face to face, what he’s been going through and why. Your last card to him, that didn’t have any mention of love or a relationship probably gave him the idea that you were ready to talk to him without the two of you being more than good friends who used to be together.

Since you’ve been in touch several times since the break up six weeks ago, and have been friendly and non-dramatic, without pressing him, I think it’s a good idea to go hear what he has to say. Be open. Be honest. But don’t expect too much. This is going to be all about him, not you. He’s either going to tell you what a tizzy he’s been in and why, or he’s going to tell you that he wants to break up and he’s giving you the courtesy of a proper face to face meeting.

It sounds like either way, you’re going to get some closure in the relationship. Hopefully, this will give you some peace and allow you to move on with your own life.

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