[chris]

Hello, my name is chris

I’ve been dating someone for 6 months now, and we both know we met at a wrong time, hes seperated and came out to his wife a couple years ago so she knows he’s gay, we started dating now but we don’t see a lot of one another, but we love one another, its a strong emotional bond and we get along great when were together, but thing have been hard, it started out good but now we see one another once a week cause he works and has to be home for his kids.

we have both done and said stupid things, he gets distant with me and then i think hes talking to other guys but i know hes not, we have both been faith full, but were not sure what to do, do we stay together and try to have less stress and less expectations of one another? we have gotten into so many fights and i know hes sick of dealing with it cause he has so much other stuff in his life to deal with, i even posted an add online looking for a relationship but in the end i know i truly love him and im not interested in anyone else I just feel so alone when i don’t see him and with all the fighting i thought we were ending soon, but even now we both know that we have a special bond like no other and we just don’t know how to handle this and how to continue.

We thought about just being friends and when he gets out on his own that we would date again, but we still want to hang out. Is it possible to be with someone when u can’t see them that much and stop the stupid feelings and silly things we both think. we both have no intention of being with other people. but can we still be friends and committed to one another and then when things get better build a relationship again ?

[April Masini]

First of all, if you’re single, never married and have no kids, dating someone who’s divorcing, who will have an ex-wife to co-parent with, and visitation or joint custody of his kids, is very different than what you’re used to. Your boyfriend has a lot of commitments — in addition to regular old work! If you stay together, you’re going to have to be mature enough to understand his own needs and responsibilities as well as your own. Make sure you’re compatible (and honest with yourself about what your needs are) before you move further.

If you’re truly understanding of his other commitments, you won’t get so annoyed and act out when he’s not with you because of them. In fact, you’ll be glad that he’s taking care of his own business so that when he is with you, he can be “all there”.

That said, since you’ve already placed an ad looking for a new relationship, I think you may not be willing to wait for him or to put up with his lifestyle, which is different than yours. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re honest with yourself about what you want, and what you’re not willing to bend on.

As far as being friends and hanging out until he’s finished with his divorce and more able to be free for you, I don’t think that will work. The reason is that you’re ready to start dating again — with him or someone else. He’s going to be jealous and feel betrayed if he knows that while he’s doing his so called work with his divorce, you’re out looking for love.

The more difficult, and maybe more mature position to take is to admit that this relationship won’t work right now, but that you both love and respect one another. Let go of each other, and if and when he’s divorced and his time is more his own, he is totally free to ask you out.

I know you say you love each other, but if you’re not compatible, the love doesn’t work. You’re seeing that already.

Let me know what happens — and good luck! 🙂

[Author]

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