What did I do wrong?!

[soconfused21]

I started seeing this guy through online dating. We went on one date and it went really well. He straight away said he wanted to see me again and text me the night I got home. After that we carried on talking for a few more days through text, we had loads in common and he seemed like a really nice guy. He would often talk of dates we would do in the future but never got round to asking me. After a week of chatting every day I prompted him about our second date, as was slightly concerned he hadn’t come up with a day. After I prompted about seeing him again, he then arranged straight away and suggested some days. We came up with a date and he arranged everything else. Two days before the date he cancelled and was overly apologetic and seemed genuine, he gave me a good detailed reason as to why he couldn’t make it and could we rearrange etc. Again after a week of him texting me every day (he was always one to initiate texts) he then suggested another day for our date. Again this was all organised by him and he bought tickets for a film at the cinema. His texts throughout these few weeks had been consistent and was making lots of effort in terms of conversation. The day of our date came and he cancelled that morning to say he had a really bad sickness bug and he couldn’t make it…again he was overly apologetic and said he would make it up to me and even included that he was really worried I would think he didn’t want to see me, and that, that couldn’t be further from the truth. To which I replied I hoped he felt better soon and was looking forward to seeing him when he felt better, but wanted to know if he wasn’t actually serious about meeting (I felt I had every right to be suspicious after cancelling two dates in a row, but ensured I was sensitive in how I asked this). 3 days went by and I hadn’t heard anything from him, I then text to ask if everything was okay and hoped he was feeling better. Heard nothing from him whatsoever and he has blocked my number etc. The whole situation has left me so confused. I’m not really sure, what and if I did anything wrong? And why he continued this charade for weeks when he really had no obligation to me whatsoever and could have said if he wasn’t interested. He seemed to go to a lot of effort and was worried about what I would think about him cancelling. If he was never going to text again what was the point of saying all that? As well as what was the point of the whole thing for all those weeks it was dragged out?!

[April Masini]

I know you were banking on this one date leading to a relationship, but here’s the thing about dating… when a man’s words don’t match his behavior, you have to choose which to count on, and my advice is to count on his behavior. He said a lot of things that sounded good, but when it came right down to it, he never took you on a second date. Now, he’s blocked you from contacting him. You’re looking at all the promise and potential, and he’s probably thinking the one date wasn’t that great for him, and he’s not interested in anything else. Part of dating is putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Here’s the other thing you may not be thinking about, and should: When it comes to meeting men, online dates can be great, but don’t forget that he’s dating other women as well as you. Playing the field is a given for at least the first three to six months of meeting someone. In addition, you probably don’t know that much about what else is going on in his life, and he may actually be married, or may have gotten back together with a girlfriend he’d broken up with prior to going online to meet dates — there could be all sorts of things you don’t know about him that could have a lot to do with why he is acting differently than you expected.

Bottom line: It’s not that you did anything wrong. It’s that you expected more than is prudent with a first date. A good first date doesn’t always lead to a second one…. and this one didn’t. My advice is to keep going — and meet other men, play the field, and use the dating process to get to know men before investing your emotional energy. 😉

[soconfused21]

Thank you so much for the reply! It really helped 🙂

[April Masini]

I’m so glad! 😀 If you have any further questions, just ask. 😉

[kai]

I totally agree with April. Trust people’s actions, not their words. People (both men and women) say a lot of things and frequently do very little or none of them. As the saying goes “talk is cheap”. All that matters is what people actually do. Words are meaningless. 😡

Sounds like your guy either met someone he was more interested in (after your date) or didn’t know how to tell you he was not that interested in the first place so he kept stringing it along. Either way he did you a favor. Now you can stop wasting time on a gy who is not crazy about you and find one who is! 😀

[April Masini]

Agreed!

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