What Does It Mean?

[jade]

I am a 57 yo female. About a year ago, I met a guy at my gym who I could tell was a lot younger than me. After talking for awhile, we made plans to go for coffee. After that I decided he [i]was[/i] too young (he would sent texts with hahahahah in them. Maybe that sound silly but he also asked me out by text which I thought it was a bit lame and he just seemed too emotionally young). Anyway, he asked to get together again but I turned him down by not directly saying no but saying Let’s just catch up at the gym. I was also interested in another guy at the time. The other guy did not pan out and I continued to see the first guy occasionally at the gym and we’d talk sometimes. I always liked him and liked talking to him and I liked that he seemed to take the rejection in stride and was always friendly and nice. Recently I ran into him somewhere else and the next day I decided to text him to see if he wanted to meet for coffee sometime. He said yes he’d love to and we ended up going for a casual dinner in the neighborhood last Sat evening. I expected to pay for my meal but he paid for us. He then asked me over to his apt (we had bought dessert somewhere else and I had expected to eat it at the cafe) for dessert and tea. I went but made it clear I was agreeing to see his apt (not his sheet set 🙂 ). Which of course he was fine with. So we went and I had a good time. At the end I said I had to go and he said see I didn’t jump your bones and he asked for a kiss on the cheek. He stood there facing me and I ended up kissing him on the mouth. I wasn’t planning to do that and I felt a little embarrassed but he didn’t seem to mind. All I said was “that wasn’t a kiss on the cheek” to which he said something like sometimes things happen we don’t plan or something.

I didn’t hear from him all week until the following Fri afternoon at 2 pm when he texted me: “Hey. Lets try and get together in the next couple of weeks. Let me know.”

In the intervening week, I have (again) decided he is just too young. I now know how old he is: he told me he’s 42. I had a really nice time and was quite attracted to him. But I don’t want to start something with someone who may want to have children. I’m trying to date smart! And 15 years younger seems too much to me. I don’t want to fall for someone who may have goals that don’t coincide with mine. Mine is to have a boyfriend but not marriage or necessarily living with someone (and children are off the table). So it probably doesn’t matter that he texted me.

But my questions are these: Do you agree his text is leaving the ball in my court because he is lukewarm about dating me or because I have set it up that way because I asked him out first or both? 😕 If I have already decided not to date him, should I just not respond to the text? If I do want to date him (bear with me) how do I respond to turn it around so that he begins to ask me rather than leaving the ball in my court?

[April Masini]

[quote] Do you agree his text is leaving the ball in my court because he is lukewarm about dating me or because I have set it up that way because I asked him out first or both?[/quote]

Yes, I agree that he’s lukewarm about dating you. [i]And[/i] it’s probably because you made it clear that you were lukewarm about dating him.

[quote]If I have already decided not to date him, should I just not respond to the text?[/quote]

Yes.

[quote] If I do want to date him (bear with me) how do I respond to turn it around so that he begins to ask me rather than leaving the ball in my court?[/quote]

If you want to turn things around, then you have to change your behavior so that you flirt with him, make it clear you’re interested in him, and see if he becomes interested in you enough to ask you out on a real date. If he doesn’t, then don’t go. If he does, then proceed as if you’re really interested in him. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url].

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