[mp9996]

Me and this guy have been seeing each other for months and we’ve known each other for 2 years and i asked if he wanted to come over and he said “yeah tell me when” so i said Sunday and he said “okay i’ll think of a plan on how to get there” so i said “okay tell me as soon as you can”. i asked him again today if he knows yet and he just kept saying he doesn’t know then he didn’t reply for hours and later rang me saying he just woke up from a nap and felt **** so he can’t see me tonigt but he will *try* on Sunday.

I asked him why he doesn’t know and he just said “because of unforeseen events” so i told him “if you don’t want to come then don’t because if you want to come you would know” and he just told me “i’m just gonna say no to put us both out of our misery” so i said “oh so you just don’t want to come?” and he said “i want to but you keep asking” – i was only asking because he didn’t give me a proper reason then he told me to just leave it. i then asked him if he’s still interested so i can stop trying and he just responded with “do what you want” and i also said “well i thought you were up for it but guess not” and he just responded with “think what you want” so i asked him if he just wanted to stop things and to ring me and he just told me “no i don’t but i’m watching this film”.

He’s not responded to me since after i told him “i’m the one putting in effort while you’re giving me half answers”

Someone got any advice?

[April Masini]

Okay, so you’re 17 and he’s 19 — thanks to your pre-posting questionnaire information. Here’s where you can make some changes in your behavior. If you’re asking someone out on a date, be clear. It sounds like you’ve blurred a lot of boundaries, and that makes it very easy to miscommunicate. You invited this guy to “come over” and he responded without a real commitment and then said no, but that he’d try on Sunday. If you invite him to go to dinner on Saturday, you’ve set some parameters to the date: Saturday and dinner. You can even ask him if he’d meet you at 7 at a particular restaurant for dinner on Saturday — which leaves a lot less to chance. Obviously, you should pick a date that works for you…. When you offer a “blurry date”, you will often get a “blurry answer”. So, next time, start with clarity on your part. 😀

Next… if someone rejects you, accept the rejection. I know that you wanted “a proper response” as to why he was rejecting you, but he was giving you the best response he knew how to give. You just didn’t like it, and it appears that you were being passive aggressive in response to his rejection. Rejection stings, and it’s normal to feel hurt. But, next time, focus on people who will say yes, then you won’t stay stuck on those who say no.

I hope that helps.

[Author]

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