What went wrong?

[mary1389]

I’m so confused. Over Christmas I met an incredible guy at a party. The spark was immediate and something I haven’t felt in a very long time. We had great conversation however I found out he lived in California and would only be in town for the next week. I decided to go along with things away. He kissed me that night and it was the most intense and powerful physical connection I’ve ever experienced. We saw each other every day (and every night) he was in town, even spending New Years Eve together. Our physical connection was something we both admitted to never having experienced, easily the best sex of my life. And while we did connect very well emotionally, it was clear that both of us were holding back a bit to make his leaving a little easier. He would tell me he wanted me to come visit him in California and treated me like the most beautiful and special girl in the world. I’d normally be skeptical of this behavior but I have a pretty good sense of people and he was incredibly genuine in all areas of life. For that week I felt totally at bliss. However soon the time came for when he had to leave.

We continued to talk for the next month, catching up on each others lives and keeping the sexual spark alive. It wasn’t uncommon for me to get a text saying “Can’t wait to meet you again, never met a girl like you.” And then one day, out of nowhere-it just stopped. He stopped returning my texts and calls. A few days later when he finally did answer my call he acted as though everything was fine and told me “I”m really busy out here so I might not always be able to talk but I still do want to get to know you more.” But since then-nothing. The logical part of my brain tells me he’s letting me down easy and that he can’t deal with the distance or maybe he met someone or we simply didn’t know each other long enough to form something that could last/work. But my heart knows that what we experienced was very real and rare.

I never expected him to be my boyfriend, given the distance, but is it too much to ask for a simple phone call to stay in touch? I feel what we had is worth staying in contact for.

[April Masini]

Use that brain of yours — it works!! 😆

You already wrote me the answer to your question — he’s met someone else and/or lost interest in you. He is no longer interested in a long distance relationship with you. What you had during the week or two you dated was emotional and sexual, but those are not qualities that sustain a relationship, as you very well know.

He isn’t calling because he doesn’t want to. It’s over — you just haven’t realized it yet.

Next time you date a guy, when you realize he lives in another state, decide that a long distance relationship is not for you — no matter how great the sex is, it won’t sustain over time. Sorry.

[emcm2010]

I think you should call him and ask him straight out whether he wants to continue the relationship. You have nothing to lose, and asking him will only put a stop to the wondering. Maybe if he realizes what your feelings are, he will be more responsive. Or maybe nothing is wrong and he really is busy. Even if he says he isn’t interested anymore at least you will know.

[April Masini]

I know that emcm2010 thinks that asking a blunt question and getting a blunt answer is the best thing in this relationship, but this isn’t an SAT test! Asking a man who’s stopped calling and isn’t dating you if he still likes you is going to get you a resounding lie or a no. Behavior is truly the best way to gauge a man’s behavior. He lives in a different state, it was a holiday fling, and his radio silence indicates he’s moved on. Now it’s time for her to move on, too. Not everything requires a neon billboard with an “I’m not interested” lit up in magenta light.

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