When do I tell my current fling I’m pregnant?

[freckles]

I have been seeing this guy off and on for a year and a half. We both like each other a lot, but because we live very far apart (2 hours), a relationship was just not possible. We’ve still been texting regularly to each other (every week or two) and since we started up again, about every couple or three days. I was dating another person for a while, but that relationship just ended a couple months ago. I’m 35 with a 16 year old, and he is 34 with no kids.

SO, since we had been communicating anyways, we ended up seeing each other and having sex (of course) at the end of February. He came out to my town mid-March and we just had lunch–but the chemistry was still crazy between us.

I just found out a few days ago I am pregnant. I am planning on telling him, but my question is (and this is going to sound skanky):

Should I tell him [i]before[/i] we have sex again or [i]after[/i]?

The issue is that he lives two hours away and I am planning on spending the night. If I only plan on going “to talk” he’s gonna know something is up. Again, this is skanky–but the last time was so awesome, I would really like to do it again 😳. I am pretty sure if I tell him before, there’s a 99% chance I will lay in bed and he will pace all night long-with no sex. If I tell him after–like in the morning, before he goes to work–I’m afraid he’ll think I lied or kept it from him by not telling him right away. Or will he really care when I tell him, just as long as I do it?

[April Masini]

[i]Skanky[/i] is one way to put it. Immoral is another. Wrong is a third way. 😯

Are you kidding?? You’re pregnant and you’re not going to tell him until AFTER you have sex with him because you’re that hard up for sex? What you’re contemplating doing is very disrespectful to him. This is a very big deal, especially for a guy who has no kids and with whom you have a casual dating relationship.

My advice is you sit down with him and tell him face to face so he can weather the shock and decide how he feels. Maybe he’ll want to have sex with you afterwards and maybe he won’t, but if you really care about him and not just yourself, give him the opportunity to have sex with you or not have sex with you based on this new development. This is a turning point for both of you. Don’t ignore it and be selfish. 🙁

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go.

And please join me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].

[freckles]

Well after thinking about it all day yesterday, I decided to tell him as soon as I saw him. You’re right, that would have been very selfish and I would have felt really bad waiting to tell him–I felt bad enough not telling him on the phone and waiting to tell him in person.
I was worried because he had spent a week planning a romantic night and I didn’t want to disappoint him. But as I got there I quickly realized that wasn’t important at all. We talked about it all night and he took it much better than I thought he would (although still very stressed out) and we’re going to try to figure out what to do together. Neither of us slept because we were too anxious about it. I’m sure we’re going to have many more sleepless nights, though. This is going to be very difficult for both of us. Distance and our jobs being huge factors.
Thanks for the advice 😳

[April Masini]

You did the right thing. 🙂 I’m glad I could help. Sometimes, there are more important things than great sex! 😉 And building a relationship based on integrity is going to lead to more intimate, even greater sex than you would have had in just one night. I know you’re approaching a new turn in the road of your relationship. If you need any more advice, as you work things out, let me know. I’m here!

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