When should I call him back?

[confused1978]

April,

I need some help. My boyfriend texted me on Monday and ask me if I was watching a show. I immediately called him back and he didn’t answer or respond to my text. He then called back almost two hours later which didn’t make any sense to me sense he was watching a show. When I talked to him he sound like he was tired and he was ready to go to bed. Anyway I let this go because I didn’t understand why he didn’t answer either of his phones when I called him. It didn’t make sense. On Tuesday I went over his house and spent the night everything seemed fine. I left Wednesday morning. I didn’t hear from again all day long which the same thing happend on Monday. I this time called around 7. He answered the phone said he was on the phone with his cousin and would call me back. It also sounded like he was out somewhere. He definitely wasn’t at home. He then called 3 hours later and I refused to answer the phone because I didn’t understand why in the hell it is taking him so long to return my calls lately and also why it would take three hours to call me back when he was supposedly talking to his cousin especially since we hadn’t spoken all day. One hour later after his call he sent me a blackberry messenger instant message. I checked but didn’t respond. The BB messenger shows if a message was read or not so he could tell I read but didn’t respond. I forgot it had this feature when I checked it. Should I call him back in the morning or should I wait for him to call me again to talk to him. I feel like he blowing me off and hanging out without even thinking to invite me with him. It is pissing me off and this is why I ignored him.

What do I do?

[April Masini]

You didn’t tell me how long the two of you have been dating, which would really help to know! 😮 So without that, what I can tell you is that it sounds like you’re making a big deal out of nothing. A man will let you know how interested in you he is with his behavior, and you get to decide whether or not to continue dating him. It’s really that simple!

It does sound like you’re expecting behavior from him that he isn’t ready to abide by, and rather than getting angry at him for not returning calls or texts more timely, I’d suggest that you accept that he’s showing you his level of interest.

He’s not as into you right now as you are into him, so decide what you want to do about that — but don’t sit and stew about what a bad boyfriend he is. You have choices!

My advice is for you to cool it on him a little, and return his calls and texts within 24 hours of receiving them if you want to continue dating him. But if you’d rather cool this relationship down and test the waters to see if there’s a Mr. Right out there who’s more interested in you and you in him, than this boyfriend seems to be, this would be a perfect time to do so.

[confused1978]

We have been dating for a year and a half. Any additional advice?

[April Masini]

I didn’t realize you’d been dating as long as you had when I posted my last bit of advice to you. But now that I know that this is a long term relationship, it seems like he’s changing his behavior. A change in behavior usually indicates that something is changing in your boyfriend’s life that his behavior is telegraphing. It seems that he’s pulling away from you.

Clearly, you’re not happy about this, and I understand. However, your anger merely shows the discrepancy between what you want and what you’re getting. What would be more productive is for you to be mindful of this change in your relationship, and rather than try and force your boyfriend into behavior he isn’t genuinely interested in showing you, to accept that things are changing and act accordingly.

This means that you can ride things out and see how far they deteriorate, or to press him for a conversation about his lack of interest and check in with him to see if he realizes his change in behavior, and what he thinks is triggering it. This second tact may instigate the road to a break up if that’s what he’s interested in but isn’t copping to directly.

I hope this helps!

[Author]

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