Why am I pushing this guy away?

[angelx]

Hi April, I really need your help with this!

So I recently started working at a new place, and when I first started, I was partnered up with the other “new kid” – this really cute guy – and we worked together well in the beginning, got along well for the most part, there was some awkwardness (there’s bound to be), and sometimes, even a hint of flirting… Okay, fine it was just that one night when we flirted, and though he was always nice to me, he never really overtly flirted – just joking, and stuff.

However, over time, we started working together less and less, and I found that (maybe this is just my perception) that when we’re around a lot of our co-workers, he tends not to… give me enough attention? I know that sounds SO BAD (especially since I have no idea whether he even likes me in that way), but seriously, I like him, and I would love it if he paid more attention to me, but when we’re in a group, he’ll talk to me for a sec, and then spend the rest of the time talking to someone else while I’m there.

Anyways, recently, I talked to him again a couple of times, and I’ve been unintentionally rude. Like, when I’m talking to him, I’m really not nice and friendly like I used to be, but more short and uninterested. The thing is, even when I’m doing these things, I KNOW I’m being rude, but I just can’t stop for some reason =S. The first time, I think I was okay, not too bad, but he basically spent the entire time talking to our co-worker, and I just stood there… After like the first couple of mins of them talking non-stop, me trying to jump in but not really succeeding, I just turned on my music and waited for them to finish. This was really confusing to me because he called me that afternoon to see how my work was going and what I had been upto 😕. So, the second him, he came over to talk to me while I was working, tried to make conversation, and I just wasn’t very receptive — I just barely answered any of his questions, barely looked at him (this one was because I didn’t look very good that day at ALL!). So he tried to keep the convo going a couple of times, but then just finally left after I was not very receptive.

And, the thing is, while I was being this way, I KNEW I was being rude, and I just couldn’t stop. Like, why am I doing this April? I don’t understand! I don’t know if he likes me, but I really want him to because I like him, and I would really love for us to get closer and talk more.

PLEASE HELP! 🙁

[kai]

Interesting post… I am curious to see what April says.

[angelx]

Why hasn’t April answered yet? 🙁

[crazed-driver]

The only thing I can think of is maybe on an unconcious level, you are pushing him away as if he comes back to you, you know he’s a keeper/interested or you may enjoy the thought of him chasing you. Again that maybe on an unconcious level too.

[April Masini]

You’re hurt that he’s not doing what you want him to do and behaving the way you want him to behave, so you’re punishing him by being rude to him, when deep down, you want his attention so much you could — well, write to me about it! 😆 When he doesn’t pay you the attention you want, you feel rejected, and you’re mad! That’s why you behave rudely to him. It’s not a mature reaction, but it’s a natural one for you.

If you want him to know you like him, then dial up the flirting with him — but don’t make him think your world revolves around him. Do this WITHOUT being rude. If you think you’re going to be rude, it’s better to take yourself out of the situation by leaving so that his entire experience of you is pleasant.

I hope that helps — let me know how things go.

And join me on Facebook — I’d love to see you there. My AskApril.com Facebook page, where you can become a free member, is right here: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url].

[angelx]

Thanks for the reply, April! It makes sense because I really don’t understand why he ignores me when we’re with other people.

I was hoping you could help me figure out if likes me at all? A bit more info:
He’s never “overtly” made any moves on me – we’ve flirted a little bit here and there, but nothing too major. He kinda just ignores me around other people. The last time I mentioned where I just finally turned on my music, he kept looking at me every once in a while while he was talking to the other girl. I went to see him this weekend, and spent like an hour talking to him, which was nice, and sort of really cute. He and I haven’t talked on facebook at all lately, but he just commented on something I posted, so I wonder if it’s because of this weekend. And he notices small things like I’ve gotten tanner or stuff like that about me. *sighs* I don’t know about this guy, April. He acts very nice and cute when we’re alone, but not so into me when we’re around other people. But the kicker is, even when we’re alone, I don’t know if he likes me… 🙁

HELP!

[April Masini]

Did you do what I suggested — dial up the flirting? You didn’t mention that, and I’d like to know if it worked.

In addition to the advice in my last post, I suggest you get my book called Think & Date Like A Man. It has everything in it you need to know including ways to know if he likes you and if he does — ways to allure him into dating you! Here’s the link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. The book is only $15.95, which is going to be a VERY cheap fix if it helps save relationships for you!! It’s also an automatic download and a quick read, so let me know what you think.

In the meantime, please join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]. I’d love to have you as a free member on AskApril.com on Facebook! 😀

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