[relationshipa1]

after 25 years i hooked back up with my jr. high and high school sweet heart. back in the day he was possesive and controlling and he even hit me a couple of times. i know, i know. you’re thinking, “this woman is nuts”. believe me, i question my sanity all the time. anyway, i loved this guy with everything i had. well, we hooked back up and he apologizes for the way he treated me back then and claimed to be a “changed man”. well, i fell hard. well eventually the old bf started to come out a little at a time. he didn’t hit me, but there were other things. for example- we got into a disagreement. he didn’t call me, wouldn’t answer his phone… well, me and a girlfriend of mine decided to take a trip to san antonio. i text him and told him. i got nothing in response. well, when i got back, we made up, but he was upset about the trip. he wouldn’t let it go. about a week before christmas we were supposed to hang out. well, i didn’t hear from him. i go out to his house and he pulls up at the same time i do and he’s drunk. he told me that he had been christmas shopping and he had been drinking with some friends. i asked him who the friends were and he wouldn’t tell me. he said, “take another fucking trip to san antonio. you should have never went on that trip”. i was crushed. he declared that he wasn’t with a woman, but that it was really none of my business. i let it go. well, things went really south after that. he would keep saying, “no telling what you did in san antonio…” he was also complaining that i didn’t have him as one of my heroes on myspace and my relationship status said “divorced”. he doesn’t have a myspace and he told me that he was computer illiterate. anyway, after that, he wouldn’t text me, wouldn’t answer his phone… so i stopped trying. well, on christmas eve i attended a party at our church and my brother invited me to his company party with him and his wife, so i went. after i got done, i stopped by my bf’s well, he told me that i looked really pretty and asked me where i’d been. i told him. he said, ” you don’t call me for 4 fucking days and then you go to fucking parties?” i didn’t know what to say. well, things seemed to be cool. i called him christmas morning to wish him a merry christmas. he told me that he was sleeping and he hung up. he was very hateful. we were suppossed to spend it together, but i never heard from him. he wouldn’t answer his phone, or text… my boys and myself got him a really nice gift. not even a call from him. going back, he also stood us up when it was time to decorate a christmas tree that he bought for us. he said that he was too tired to mess with it that night, but he went out drinking with his friends. i was upset and let him know. idon’t hear from him for days and when we finally do talk, he blames me for getting mad aobut it. i let it go. i was always the one having to make the move to work things out. well, after christmas day, i broke it off. i said some pretty harsh things, but i stuck withthe facts. my oldest son started having seizures that night, so he had to go to the hospital and i let him know about it. well, he never got back and he had my cell phone turned off. i still love and miss this guy and i hate myself for it. why do i miss him? how do i get over him? i’m not an ugly woman. in fact i’m attractive. why do i keep grieving over this man. my ex husband was an ass too. i don’t get it. please help me?

[April Masini]

For some reason you don’t believe you that you deserve to be with a healthy man in a healthy relationship so you put yourself and your children in harm’s way (both physically and emotionally) by chasing a man who has a history of striking you, behaving badly, and treating you like trash.

You need to stop asking yourself why you still care about this guy and start asking why you would put your children’s mother and your children in such dangerous situations. Better yet, stop asking why, and start changing your own behavior. Here’s how:

Do not pursue or accept dates from anyone who has hit you, and if you are hit, you need to contact the police immediately. Do not pursue or accept dates from anyone who is controlling or abusive. It’s really that easy. Just stop your pattern of destructive behavior today.

Instead of focusing your energy on your ex, focus on yourself and demand more of yourself than you’ve been. This is the way you will get over your feelings of upset. Start living a more positive life where everything you do is carefully filtered so that it’s going to do you good, not ill.

I hope that helps — the solution to your problem is very simple, and just requires you saying no to any bad behavior and saying yes to self respect and other self respecting people, both men and women. 🙂

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