why does she do these things?

[relationshipa1]

hi, i’ve just recently broken up up with my girlfriend. we’ve been dating for almost 15months. the past few months has been a bit dramatic for me with uni and stuff, and i’ve spoken to her about my issues and try to find someone to help comfort me in a stressing time.

about 3 weeks ago, we were discussing the feelings in our relationship and the problems which surround it and it involves the same thing every time. since her parents are strict on her with using either of the 2 cars that they have at home, i usually do alot of the driving, and sometimes i get fed up with driving especially during the late hours. she tells me that she doesn’t ask me to drive or do the things i do, but i do it all because i love her. i’ve done so much for her the past few months, with her new job coming up i tried to chip in for most of our meals and even the last time we went to eat i paid the bigger portion of the bill, as she was going low on cash and needed to wait for her workplace to pay her fortnightly payment.

she told me that at times in our relationship she felt that we are friends, and not boyfriend and girlfriend, i never felt that way about us at all within the time of our relationship. so the last time we met, we ate and had a normal conversation, afterwards we went back to the car and she mentions about the conversation we had the earlier night, that we tried and tried but end up hitting the same brick wall. she insisted that we better off being friends or something, at first i refused to be a friend, as i felt that i couldn’t deal with the fact that she’d be seeing anyone or sleeping with anyone else than me. so i said to her no, and i drove her to the station for her to catch the train home, i couldn’t say anything and there was nothing i could say or do to make things right.
later that night she tried to see if i was ok, so i didnt reply and i just chatted with her the following day.

about 2 weeks later, i came to more realisation and matured a little bit more, and i said to myself that we could be friends, and i asked her if we could, she didnt want to be a friend, nor an enemy but just my “ex”.
i calmed down alot and try to keep cool, she was somewhat angry and always causing drama for a reason i dont quite know. and she wrote stuff on her msn personal message saying that it ” was all bulls**t and waste of time”.
i had to ask her and know the truth, so i spoke to her and she said it was. i was kinda hurt, i mean we achieved alot together within the time we had together, it was a first RELATIONSHIP for the both of us as we’re in our 20’s, we were both virgins at the start and we had good times.
i did everything i could to make her happy and went out of my way to see her, when i could’ve easily gone home. the only thing i complained about was somewhat the drive to see her, the petrol and the money, as i’m not a full time worker its hard for me. at times i would insist her to get a car but she would refuse as she’d rather save up for a home than get a car. but for a fact people usually get their own car before a house, i wanted her to break free of the dependancy of her asking her strict parents to use the car, but if she wouldn’t do it all meant that she wasn’t gonna do anything for me like i’ve done for her.

now yesterday she deletes me off her facebook, and is still keeping me on her msn..
i don’t know what to think anymore, please help

[April Masini]

It’s time for you to move on.

The problem with break ups is that the reason for them is because two people are incompatible. Therefore, it’s crazy to expect closure or a feeling of peace following a break up for both people doing the breaking up, at the same time.

Your feeling of discomfort at this break up is normal. My advice is not to look to your ex-girlfriend for closure, as if you were still a couple, but to look inward and ask yourself what you got out of the relationship, what you learned about yourself as an individual and as a boyfriend in a couple, as well as what you will look for and do differently next time around. If you can ask and answer those questions for yourself, that’s where your closure will come from. Not from anyone else.

The more you date, the more you will understand that your expectations for life and your way of thinking are usually not the same expectations or thought processes that the women you’re dating will have. It’s wrong for you to try and “bend” them to try and think and expect like you do. What’s easier is to accept differences between you and your dates or girlfriends, and then decide if you want to stay in the relationship given the differences. You are never a victim — you can always stop dating someone with whom you are not compatible. And at a certain point in your maturity you’ll realize that no woman is going to do everything you want from a woman, but Ms. Right will have so many assets that outweigh her deficits that you’ll think she’s just wonderful the way she is, and you’ll accept all of her — the good and the bad.

The same goes for you. If you don’t have enough money to date, then don’t spend the money and then get mad at her. Either only get together to do things that are free or fit your budget or don’t date so much that you break the bank and then get angry at her for “making” you break the bank. If you don’t want to pay for gas in your car, then don’t. But don’t tank up and then get angry at her for not having a car.

Accept not just the women in your life, but yourself, and your own limits and gifts as well. That’s the only way you’ll be able to find someone with whom you’re compatible: self acceptance first.

[katdawg]

I totally agree…move on. :O) Thirty-seven and have dated quite a bit in my life I realized people come into our lives to teach us something we were meant to learn. We all feel the pain and loss of losing someone special to us but we also need to remind ourselves to keep moving forward and not dwell on the past but learn from it. You ARE going to be okay and you seem the type to learn and grow. She seems to be stuck in some childish ways while you are maturing and turning the pages. You deserve the best.

[April Masini]

Katdawg is right — you do deserve the best. Consider that next time you date someone.

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