Why would he do this to me? How to get over the anger

[Anonymous]

Jaga,

I agree with Answer – you got into this relationship knowing you weren’t 100% happy. I think you got into this relationship just to be in one. The moment he started changing and you were feeling miserable should have been a clear sign to get out. Don’t ever settle for someone just because. You have to learn to love yourself and respect yourself before letting someone walk over you. Not calling you back and coming up with 10 million excuses as to why he didn’t was unacceptable. In the beginning you stated he sort of pushed you into the relationship, but no one can truly do that, someone can be persuasive yes but they can’t force you to date them, you just more than likely fell for his kindness, as soon as all that changed it was a sign that he was “just not that into you” anymore. It’s hard when we fall and we try to fix a relationship that just isn’t there emotionally anymore, but we have to get up, and start over. You have to know that there is better out there, and don’t ever settle or sacrifice your happiness for anyone. A relationship is about working together to make each other happy, and if you aren’t getting that in return then you need to say BYE and find someone new. Don’t stress on why he did what he did, he obviously is unstable and not ready to commit into a relationship. Find someone that will and someone who will respect you and be there for you as you are for them.

Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much for the reply kristin nicole, i feel like a fool, i definitely learned my lesson.

[April Masini]

[b]Jaga[/b], you’re not a fool. You’re just like everyone else here — wanting to be in healthy relationship, and realizing it’s actually hard work to do so — and trying to figure out how to do it! 😉

I’m glad to hear from you! 😀

Hope to see you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].

[Anonymous]

April, do not smile in my face and go “no you aren’t! I’m glad to hear from you! teehee!” You are fake. At first I was going to just ignore your posts from here on out, but then I saw what you wrote on your twitter, which was a lie. You do not know what the hell you’re talking about. To say that I “lashed out at posters and got angry” because i was “dumped” proves that you aren’t professional, you are not here to help anyone and you are as cruel and pathetic as the angry posters in here who started shit with me for no reason. What you said on your twitter is NOT what happened. You don’t know shit about what happened to me, you didn’t even read it properly or understand it, and then you have the nerve to use what I came to you with (with trust) against me. Don’t you dare laugh about it, ridicule it and post it on your poor excuse for a twitter afterward in hopes that everyone will laugh at me and kiss your ass more than they already have in here.

You made my posts into something you knew it wasn’t. You only insulted me and lied on twitter to make yourself feel better about being called out on your horrible “advice” by me. The posters in here who actually helped me gave me real advice and you, along with your pathetic friends in here, are the angry ones, not me. You are supposed to be a professional who gives advice, supposed to care about your posters, take them seriously and act like a human being. Posters who come to you with advice trust you, and yet you are NOTHING like that. You take what I write when I trusted you since you were the primary advice giver, you manipulate it to match your messed up lies, and you broadcast it in such a childish, untruthful manner. You have been RUDE, you lied, you pioneered the fights in here, and you attempted to keep them going with that ridiculous post on twitter. You should be ashamed of yourself. I will complain about this forum. I appreciate the two other posters in here who were mature, read my posts and understood what was really going on; actually gave me advice.

April, you are cruel and a disrespectful fake; I do not want you replying to me anymore.

[jonathan]

Whoa! this is wild. jaga, why on earth are you attacking April like that? I read the entire thread and do not see anywhere she has been rude or cruel to you. i really dont. I do see the hurt you are feeling and I feel terribly for anyone who has gone through what you have. it’s awful. im sorry that idiot you were dating hurt you so badly and i am sure youve learned your lesson and hopefully wont let it happen again. i went out with a piece of garage myself and it took me months to get over, so i feel your pain. but ive got to tell you, i really think your getting angry and lashing out at april is misplaced.

april has helped me a ton and a lot of other people. and she donates all of her time on here helping people for free. i do not know of anyone else who does everything she does and doesnt ask for any money. i think even if you don’t like her advice you might appreciate that she gave you a place to find advice that you did like from the other posters.

the first time i posted here i didn’t like what she told me either and i was mad too and i quit the site. then about a month later i realized what she had said was right and i rejoined. i think you might look back at your posts and her responses and see that too.

this is a great community. yes some posters are immature but for the most part we are all here trying to get help and have better relationships.

i wish you good luck and happiness jaga

[April Masini]

A lot of times when people are hurt and angry, they transfer that anger onto someone else because it feels safer for them to lash out at a neutral party who they know won’t hurt them — but the person they’re lashing out at is never the real reason that they’re upset. 😳

An example of this is children who get angry at their parents because they can’t have what they want in the time that they want it and they’re hurt, but they know deep down that the love a parent has for a child is unconditional, and no matter how much a child lashes out, a parent will still be there for them. Sometimes people who are not children, but who are very upset and hurt that relationships don’t go the way they’d hoped, lash out at the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend — or even me! In fact, often on this forum, it’s common to see a man or woman lash out at a third party who has “stolen” a lover or spouse away — rather than getting angry at the lover or spouse who rejected them — or at themselves for having chosen someone who has treated them poorly or for having failed to see the signs along the way that would have shown them that the relationship was not going to last. 🙁 It’s safer and easier to lash out at someone who’s removed from the situation.

Hopefully, any poster who is angry at me will come to realize that Ask April is an advice forum where posters are free to come and go. Nobody is held hostage here or forced to read the posts, tweets or Facebook messages from the Ask April community — but it’s really great when you all do because we all learn from each other, and I’m glad that Jaga has found help in advice and comments from others here. But when someone stays on this forum — especially someone this angry — it’s because they’re not done venting the depth of the anger they feel, and they’re getting something they need here. If they weren’t, they’d just stop coming back.

Rejection and the loss of love are very upsetting and anger is a common way to deal with sadness — but it’s just a step in the process.

Hope you’ll all follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url]. 😀

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