[15kendalld]

My boyfriend and I recently started dating over four months ago but flirted for almost seven. We have never fought and everything was going really well between us. He told me each and every day that he loved me, wrote me poems about how strong his feelings were, and even talked about our future together after college. I know his feelings were strong for me because his friends have told me what he’s said.
Three weeks ago he went silent and said that he was depressed. Then about two weeks ago he called me and said that “I think we should take a break as much as this hurts me to say because I need time to figure out who I am…” He later went on to talk about how our career paths are very different from one another so the likelihood that we would end up in the same place is slim-to-none.
I have read a lot of other forums with similar problems and each has said that the guy is usually being truthful and simply wants time to think because they’re scared of their feelings. (I saw a link he bookmarked on his computer of “Ways to Know You’ve Found Your Soul Mate” so I know the feelings were definitely there). Could this be the case that he is taking time to come to grips with his feelings?

Will he come back?

[April Masini]

Gosh, I don’t have a Magic 8 Ball or a crystal ball that tells the future. Maybe he is figuring out his own stuff — or maybe he’s backing away because it just doesn’t feel right. The bottom line is that if he wants to date you he will — and if he doesn’t, he won’t. I’m not sure how old you both are, but at a certain point in life, you realize that your partner does not need to be your soulmate to have a successful relationship. Your soulmate may be a best friend, a child or an uncle. You and your potential partner have relationship goals and when there is compatibility, you can have a great relationship. If he’s depressed, it’s going to be difficult for him to have a relationship with anyone. And if he’s so depressed he’s not interested in communicating, that doesn’t really bode well for a relationship with you. But…. if he’s just not into the relationship and this is his way of moving on, he’s doing the best he can and the break is really a break up.

I hope that helps.

[15kendalld]

I’ve been talking to this guy for over a month, we’ve been friends for a few years. He recently has begun to tell me how pretty I am and how attracted he is to me. He hugs me each time I leave, texts me good morning, tells to have a good day, or to let him know when I get home. Also, he asks me to sit on his lap or cuddled with me when we watched movies. He’s also made comments that he’ll try and come see me when I go back to school. But, the other day he became somewhat distant. He stills says good morning and have a good day but he won’t cuddle anymore and the hug was very very short compared to what it was. I told him that I really liked him and he said he doesn’t want anything to happen between us yet and wants to be friends and continue having fun. I asked him what was wrong the other day when I asked to hang out and he said no and he said he just had a lot on his mind. Well, I’m leaving to go back to college in a few weeks so I don’t know how to read him? Do I keep trying or let it go? Thank you for any insight!

[April Masini]

If you let the guy take the lead, you won’t feel the “need to decode”. 😉 When a guy wants to date you, he’ll ask you out. If he doesn’t ask you out, he doesn’t want to date you. It’s all that simple. What’s happening here is that either you get impatient or you don’t want to deal with his not wanting to ask you out, so you start to pursue him. When he became distant you told him you really liked him, in an attempt to reel him in, but by making that kind of declaration, he felt he needed to set things straight and he told you he wants to just be friends. 😕 He’s trying to let you down gently, and you keep looking for reasons to keep him in the game or ways to decode his behavior as he clarifies his disinterest in romance. 😕 The thing is, it’s much easier to feel the sting of rejection and move on than to continue to pursue someone who keeps backing off. You can continue to flirt with him if you want to, but don’t count on him since he hasn’t asked you out on a date and he keeps backing away as you pursue him. Play the field, don’t put all your focus on him, and let the guy lead, in general, so you’re not so confused. 🙂 I hope that helps.

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