[relationshipa1]

Hello, I have a question to ask.

Recently my girlfriend and I broke up. We were best friends for 2 years before we got together. She said she liked me as soon as she set her eye on me but overall we were best friends first. Talked about everything, didn’t hide anything, just overall truthful thoughts. When we got together we were dating for a year and I believe 3 months before we broke up. This is the thing though, I’m just confused.

She broke up with me and I said “ok sure we can breakup that’s fine”. However she kept talking and promised me we’d be back together. She said she still feels the same about me and it hasn’t changed, she swears. We’ve been best friends for years so I know she isn’t a liar to me. We talk constantly through the day too. Text each other a lot through the day, call each other. Have fun, we do that a lot. It doesn’t change with us.

She said she needs some space to “live life”. She’s met some new friends and she didn’t have any for a while so she’s having time to do that. When I mean live life I mean having fun like being on forums and posting random things, going to the movies and hanging out with friends more, hanging out with family more, discovering other talents. Things like that. Not like getting with other guys, as far as I know, considering she said that she’s not looking nor does she want to find someone. You see we live in two different states and she’s not the relationship type person. She hates relationships but she says she loves me. The only time she got into one was with me. Even after that she says I’m the most amazing guy she’s ever met, best bf ever, we have so many things in common. I believe her too considering she’s been my best friend for years even before we got together. We share a special bond.

However she said that she’s taken with me(meaning she said I’m still hers and she’s still mine), still lets me be known as her bf to others, she said that I’m still hers once again. She also still gets extremely angry when other girls make comments about me. Say they think I look great, she gets mad at that and upset. I told her about a girl that made a comment to me and she was furious. She worries about me constantly too. The other day I left my phone in my car for an hour and 30 mins and she couldn’t contact me. She called 35 times, called her grandma and freaked out, left 3 voice mails and kept IMing me. It was crazy. Overall she says she doesn’t care what people thinks but she will be back with me. She promises on our friendship after I said that to her. She even still calls me dear like before. She’s also not a sexual person or likes anyone else. She hates relationships but loves me and wants to be with me. The only thing I can think of that’s negative is the fact that she said she has a crush on some guy that she’s never met online and she says she’s had it for years. It goes, comes, goes and comes. She said it’s nothing, she’s not looking into it and it’s just stupid. I’m not really bothered by that either.

What should I do? Do you think she’ll end up getting back together with me? Your opinion that is. I hope she isn’t doing this just to get away. She did make a comment about wanting a breather or something but I didnt mean that badly. Also she said she wants us to just wait until she’s back to where she used to be and we’ll get back together then. I just don’t know…idk if it’ll be soon or whatever. She’s talking to me less and all these new friends of hers, we don’t talk as much. I think it’s just a phase and she’ll miss me a lot soon but I’m not sure.

Thank you for your response. I’m just confused. I hear all these other stories about gfs saying other things and not getting back but idk. I trust her, I really do. I just don’t know what I should do. Should I wait or should I move on and just, idk. I really do love her. I shared so many things that really I’d never share with anyone else unless I loved them that much. The same for her too. I’m so confused….

Help me please. Thanks in advance.

[April Masini]

You talk a lot about what your ex-girlfriend wants in her life, and from you, but you don’t really talk about what you want for yourself. That’s what you really have to do. Decide and act.

Since neither one of us has a crystal ball (right?) to tell the future, and I’m a relationship expert, not a psychic, I can’t tell you if your girlfriend and you will get back together, but I can tell you that you need to accept reality, and your reality is that your out of state girlfriend broke up with you, and is moving on — watch her actions more closely than you listen to her words, and you’ll see the truth.

If you want to wait for her to either decide she wants to get back together with you again, or she’s decided she’s found someone else to date, then the wait is yours to have. Bring some good reading material — it may be a looooong wait. But that’s not the dynamic for a healthy relationship between romantic partners. I think you’re going to get more and more anxious and unhappy if you choose to wait for her to live her life with no reunion date on the horizon, while she’s clearly testing the waters with other guys (wake up and smell the coffee!), while trying to keep you on the back burner in case she changes her mind. You’ve given up your role as the man in the relationship, and let her take the lead. No good is going to come of this.

Men need to be the ones who chase the woman, win her over and bask in their prize girlfriend. You lost this prize, and she’s not yours any more. That doesn’t mean you’re any less of a man, but in order to feel like one, you have to go out there, and find a woman you want, who you [i]can[/i] chase, and [i]can[/i] win!

I would suggest that you honor the break up that she imposed, and start to date around since your ex is no longer available to be your girlfriend. If she gets jealous about you dating other women, that’s kind of her problem, now that she’s broken up with you. She can’t really be a good friend to you if she doesn’t have your best interests at heart, and right now, she doesn’t. In fact, if you do move on, and I mean [i]really[/i] move on, she may realize her mistake and come back to you. At which point you can decide what you want to do.

Basically, you have to man up and decide to be her boyfriend and win her back, or not be her boyfriend and win someone else. The in between stage where you’re waiting, wondering, and having her go crazy when she can’t reach you on the phone and leave incessant messages and call your relatives to find out where you are — even though she’s broken up with you — is not going to get more comfortable or better, and you’re going to feel less and less like a successful man.

So, answer the question yourself: Will you try to win over your girlfriend, or will you start dating and try to win someone new?

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