Aleeciya111

[Aleeciya111]

Hi

I in myself feel like life is about moments, I want to have those special times with someone and feel bonded. My boyfriend told me he is just not “wired like that” and that makes me feel like I’m just over needy and I have to stop expecting that I might get taken out for dinner one day or even have him give me flowers or anything generally romantic.

My boyfriend and I had out first Christmas together, and for the most it was nice, I was just so disappointed that he didnt get me a card. I never knew people dont do that! So you can imagine how I felt after picking out an exclusive “Our First XmaS” card , writing the gorgeous message in it, and not getting one back! Can you believe he just left it on the table and its still at my place now.

We went away camping with the kids, and I thought a week away from work,might mean having a laugh and us having some much needed couple time.He was so tired from doing everything during the day, there wasnt even one night that he put his arms around me and we had a couple of wines or looked at the stars or talked about the future.I doubt that anything like that would of happened even if he wasnt tired. And yes it was hurtful laying awake in a tent listening to everyone else having a good time and laying there thinking why wasnt that us.

I guess I’m really am feeling undervalued by him.We are talking about living together, which he says he is practically already living with me anyway.He is always here and drives an hour and a half to and from work over to my place 6 out of 7 days. He just started from last week contributing half for food.He loves myself and the kids and he feels just by him being here, that he is committed to us.I don’t know if I am just needy, I mean we both work f/t and he works another job at the church Sunday, Monday and Wednesdays he is at bible study.I just dont feel valued by him. I dont how how i’m going to feel when I’m anticipating he will not plan anything at all for us for Valentines Day. Kinda feels like I always get the short straw.

When I try to bring things up that are concerning me. we end up arguing and honestly I don’t think we have the conflict resolution skills to diffuse the arguments. Therefore we usualluy sleep back to back , both stubborn to sort it out, then I end up smoothing things out the next day.Does that mean he doesnt love me if he doesnt ever back down? After 8 months I would of thought he would have been alot more..making effort to take me out and things then he has.. is that a bad sign to? He also has affection issues from his childhood and I dont know how to make myself be happy recieving the limited affection that I am recieving, and should I have to? Maybe because he never had the affection in his childhood, maybe he doent know how to give it or how it feels for me to not be getting it…All so confusing!

[Aleeciya111]

First of all, congratulations for acknowledging all your doubts. I think you need to realise, this guy seems totally insecure and he is holding you back from not only beeing happier in yourself and your future, but also in breaking your supports with your family. This is not love, him seeing you struggling to find the positive points in the relationship, when he knows he is responsible for not letting you live your life and you being unhappy . If a close friend told you all the same stuff was happening with them, that is happening to you, would you tell her to stay? It will hurt when you break up, but it will pass! See your friends, learn about yourself, laugh, go back to school, go out, be your age. At 17 your head is no way near what a 23 year olds is.It might be worth ringing a free counselling service or talking to some one you trust, and having a few numbers for your boyfriend, because honestly something is not right there, if he is so reliant on you and is trying to make you promise you wont leave him! If you stay with him, you are only going to resent him later on for all he is making you miss out on now. Good luck , be strong and kick him to the kurb!

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