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ParticipantYou are not wrong in the sense that I don’t see myself flying to Toronto to beg her forgiveness. That’s straight out of the movies type stuff! But the sadness and sense of loss is very real, I assure you. I wouldn’t invest a year of my life in just anyone. I don’t encounter women like her every day. Her coming to Vegas was out of character for such a risk averse lady. No excuse for my behavior really. I was a dummy, plain and simple, and I missed the boat. Thank you again – I deeply appreciate your honest feedback
ParticipantThe thing is…I did want to meet her. I DO want to meet her. She was supposed to come to California in the fall for a business conference and I told her about all the places I’d take her to visit, go for dinner, and I meant it. It eats at me that she probably thinks it was all BS and lip service, and I’m sure I come across as a royal jerk to anyone she talks about me to. Her being across the street from me was just surreal. I guess I worried our connection wouldn’t translate in person, maybe she wouldn’t like me, who knows. I just know I miss her terribly and feel bummed out. It wasn’t a breakup exactly, but almost feels worse in a way. How do you get over someone you never met, and probably never will?
If I reach out, do you think she’ll ignore me or lash out? Or should I just leave her alone and chalk this up to a missed opportunity?
Thank you April – a wonderful service you provide
ParticipantThank you for the reply. I have to point out that her and I were not in an established relationship (not bf/gf, no I love yous exchanged, etc.). We always said if one of us started dating closer to home to just be honest about it (incidentally in the year that we’ve been talking, neither of us did). I didn’t invite her – she decided on a whim to come, and I wasn’t even positive she was serious until she was literally at her hotel. Was it really my responsibility to plan a date? Doesn’t she deserve some of the blame for having unrealistic expectations? From a woman’s point of view, why do you think she’s not asking for an explanation? The silence is unsettling.
ParticipantApril, thanks for the reply! I’ll try to fill in those gaps… good call outs.
We had loosely agreed to a 70/30 rule a couple months before we knew what the bonus amounts would be, as in she suggested it and I said sure, thinking they would be around the same amount. Once we found out about the difference in the bonuses and how much that meant for our personal accounts and savings, that is when I expressed disagreement with the original rule. Rules can change when outcomes change, right? But a fair point about learning from this and figuring out a solution the next time around.
I actually make more, roughly 20% more in annual salary. With bonuses, we made the same in 2014. I totally understand the fluctuation factor, as we can never predict what a year end bonus might be. I guess my point is that we should try to balance out what our personal spending money is. Or when one of us has un unusually high bonus, does that mean we pocket a lot more money for our own personal spending.
Finally, it really isn’t about what she might spend the money on. I would hope since she has more expendable funds than I do that a lot of it would be spent on “us” stuff, but that hasn’t seemed to be the case.
Thanks again!
ParticipantThank you so much! Talking to you have helped me clear my mind about this and really think about what I want. 🙂 ParticipantThank you for the reply. I noticed you said I’m 23. I met Alex when I was 23 and now I’m 25 and he is 20. I have always detested the Indian culture and tradition where girls are concerned and my family knows that. My sisters got married to complete strangers that my father chose for them and they were happy to leave that decision to him. I have always been considered as the rebel in the family, which I don’t understand because I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion. What I have with Alex is not a fling, I know I want to be with him and I care a great deal about him. May be I’m crazy for thinking this but I see a future with him. In the past when guys started to get serious I have always broken things off but with Alex it feels right. Too right, in fact. I’m not thinking about marriage and what not. Marriage and children are not for me I guess, may be in time I would want that, but I can’t see myself doing that in the next 5 years. All I know is Alex and I have a wonderful thing going on and I want to enjoy it. But I can’t do that when I’m feeling too guilty about the hurt and grief I will cause my parents when they find out about this. But if I tell them, they will ask me to choose and I don’t want that either. ParticipantThis is a normal behavior even girls look at other guys whom they find attractive, that does not mean they are cheating. Also if you feel the same way then let things go, if he loves you he will come back to you. ParticipantJust be you’re self 🙂 ParticipantDepends what sort of person you are too For example me, my bf is my best friend so will always wanna spend a lot of time with him, however if your the sort of person who likes to have their own time and space etc then a long distance one would defo suit Participant@April, thanks, you’re so right. We are hanging out this week. And we will see what happens. 🙂 @Ebony, I hang out with this guy often, so I will try and Follow Aprils advice and flirt
🙂 ParticipantI’m 22 he’s 23. He’s a shy guy. But I thought he’d make a move by now. He always pays for our -not dates lol ParticipantI guess im scared of losing a positive male influence for my son. Im scared to be alone, im scared of dissapointing my family (they adore him). Im also scared to scar my son, he thinks of this man as his father (he has no contact with his real dad). Im scared of losing a friend, hes been there for me in my tough times and I feel i should stick by him no matter what. My parents got divorced over money and I dont want to end up like them. ParticipantMy goal is to figure out what she is thinking so I can move on with my life whether she is in it or not. As it stands, it appears that I am very easy to forget.
ParticipantGoes back to last spring. one of those from out of nowhere suddenly this person is in front of you and then neither of you can breath. Honestly, strongest instant feeling ever for me. Yeah, bit of a drinking history but not to this extent. What happened was she went overboard early and I did not take her home when I saw her before she went out. Was a mess. Ended up running into her ex who does not live here and then drank harder the more angry she go that she was there. The rest is obvious. Until she spent 3 days crying until I just went to the house and got her. Have not seen her since as she said she could not handle the hurt in me and knowing that she caused it.
ParticipantBeen together a while. less than a year. Not married. The days before, she was wildly attracted and had never been so into someone before as she said.
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