[Anonymous]

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply to me! I suspected what you told me all along, it’s just taking me a while to realize it and get over this guy, and your advice is a BIG help in confirming that. I need to work on my self-esteem issues before I can think about investing myself in an honest relationship.

Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Since my last reply I’m very happy to report that I got a job and my life is starting to get on track. He commited to a relationship with me on his own. Didn’t pressure him or nothing.. kinda sat back and let things move they way the wanted. Hes opening up more and more everyday and I couldn’t ask for more. As far as my child goes, shes only met him a couple times.. but shes just turned 1 year old. We both agreed we want to get get to know each other before bringing my child more into the relationship. Its more for him.. he wants to get more attached to me.. than being attached to my child and something happens to where we stop our relationship and he can’t see my lil girl. Understandable 🙂

Hes really making an effort on our issues as we both are and when he came out and told me we was ready to call us “offical” I sighed in relief. Thanks for the advice you guys. And its a big lesson.. patience=time.

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Many thanks on your reply, it was a breath of fresh air. I am reading your book daily and it is something I really am enjoying. I love your writing style and honesty. Your site also helps me daily in a BIG way, it is just the ticket.
An update: the man who I wrote to you about has sent me a few emails, like how I was doing and if I was alright. I responded eventually just yes, I am doing fine. Then today he stopped by my work to tell me how he missed me terribly and that he didn’t want to feel like he had failed yet again at something and that I was the only one who understood him, asked if I missed him. Telling me how he wanted sex or I could just come over and we could talk as friends? I told him that was not a good idea for either of us and that I did not want to leave that door open. I told him I missed parts of him, yes, but that it was over and that was just best for both people. After he left and I went back inside to work, he had sent an email of how he had never loved anyone as he had loved me and probably never would. I responded:

Dear…You need to stop torturing yourself right now and keep doing your best to improve your life. Steady yourself, you will regain altitude. I care for you in a way that is unique to me, you made me think, feel and be how I probably never would have. I owe a lot to you and that’s not lip service. BUT for one thing, we were not helping each other anymore, only disrespecting/ resenting one another. You are not abandoned, but I must step aside and let you go on your way.

And I feel good about that response. I understand that his feelings are his responsibility, that he did not know how to treat a woman, and that he needs to work on himself and feel better. Also that I need to improve upon my low- self esteem, and what I want in a man in hope for in my life.
I feel and can see that my body has responded positively to this change in my life, and that is also a good thing. (I feel less exhausted, less drained, less anxiety, less bloated!)
I am also reading the books: Self-esteem handbook for Women, What should I do with my life?, Ending Nice Girl Syndrome, alongside yours. Just to keep myself occupied

[Anonymous]

OMG OMG OMG I CANT BELIEVE YOU RESPONDED THIS MAKES ME SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPYYYYY i LOOOOOVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE hearing about china!!! it sounds so cool and so different from boring old naples!
WELL i am on the swim team now! HAHA i dont kno if i told you that but anyways i will try emailing you again on that email adress i will send you a beautiful video!!! haha lol i miss you naples is pretty hot and it rains almost everyday! but ya back to swimming omg i have funny story for you about that but i will email you that schools pretty boring your not missing much except dang they force you to study!? hole crap it sounds way hard lol omg we had a half day recently and its like only till 11!!!! how weird is that? but ofcourse i stayed home that day 🙂)))) heheh lol anyways hopefully you will get my email!!!!!!! I MISS YOU! LOTS OF LOVE KEEP THE UPDATES COMING!!!

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say hello all. This is my first post.

I expect to learn a lot here.

[Anonymous]

Hi Smokey
Thanks for the advice once again. You are right staying not busy can be a big part of running my mind into trouble. I am trying to keep busy, I am in school now so that helps, and best of all I deleted all his e mails and he wrote today again and it was real cheap, I did not answer him. Had not heard from him since the other day he e mailed me and he sounded like he was off in the head one e mail i had wrote and then he answered with something that had nothing to do with what I said almost like he was drunk or on another planet and he insisted he was clear of what he was saying , now i know I never want to internet date again.
As far as dating I am leaving that up to God and let him handle it. Somedays I really get depressed and do not want to get up but I pushed myself today. I also still miss my ex husband sometimes and we still remain in contact sometimes. He was always a good person and I know things did not work, but still hard to let go especially when I am really alone and not dating I miss him more. But I know that I have to work on that too.
As for you I am sorry you had another bad dating experience, it is hard even when we know others are suffering in this world far greater than our broken hearts but no one wants to feel alone, i think it is only natural to feel the need to be with someone, but it has to be right and comfortable and healthy, other wise we are just waisting our time when we could be looking for the right one.
Well take it easy and I appreciate all your great advice.!
Thanks Sep211

[Anonymous]

Thanks April For Everything. Really, Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I made that mistake of allowing my boyfriend to move in with me only after 3 months of dating. I am speaking from experience, do not do it. Take the time to get to know him and see what he wants out of life, your friend is already telling you what he wants and it sounds like he don’t want to marry you but he wants to make sure you do not venture out. You just got a divorce, you need time to yourself, to think about what it is you want out of life and relationships. I am having trouble now with my relationship because I did not take out the time to get to know my boyfriend, just take things slow.

[Anonymous]

Hi April,
Thank you for all your advice, I did down load your book and I am enjoying it so far but I have a lot of work to do on myself. The 47 year old that I am no longer seeing that had what I think alcohol problems, nervous problems, temper problems, 2 son’s to take care of and makes 50 thousand a year got pretty upset with me when I told him that I am very concernd that having a relationship with him would be difficult because of financial issues and emotional issues. He replied with an e mail that I always come up with something to worry about and I got that Idea from my mother because she said to me how can you have a future with someone who does not have a car you do all the driving he has two children to take care of and does ok financially but its not going to be enough for you and him to have a family, So he thinks it is just my mother putting it in my head and I said no I think this myself she just mention to me that she was concerned because I have been down this road before and she wants me to be careful and reguardless of my mom it is my concern. he got mad and wrote me a nasty e mail said I am screwed up, I do not know what I want, I should never have children because it would not be fair to bring a child into such a dysfunctional family as the one i have, that my mother just wants to keep me to herself because she does not want to be alone, and I should just stay with my stupid dog. I wrote back and told him that for a 47 yr old man who is an ex marine and a father of two children should be ashamed of writting to anyone like that and especially someone who he say’s he loves.
Now all I get is phone calls with apology after apology, emails that he misses me, then says he took 7 asprin and can not sleep did not go to work, is depressed and says he misses me and will do anything to make up the things he so regrets saying to me. My family does not like this man, I am just feeling sad it is over but he keeps writting e mails he wants to see me, I am beautiful, and he is truly sorry. I told him I know he is sorry but he needs help and I can not help him I said I could write and talk and give him support but he wants more and I get caught up feeling lonley and sad miss him sometimes but know I will not dare to see him again, but the feelings inside are really depressing me and I had a really bad depression episode today, I got through it but it is still hard to resist his invitations when I start to feel down, Any advice on how to stay strong?

[Anonymous]

Perhaps I didn’t clearify it very well, I apologize. He does have a job, hes a mental worker at a state university hospital. I’m not the one thats spending money.. hes the one thats spending money on me.. I am trying to get a job, been looking for one and going to attend the community college near me beginning Jan of next year. Its not that hes not going to school, he does, couldn’t this semester because of tax issues, but hes starting back next spring when he gets it all paid for.

*Update* He did tell me that since I’m getting my ducks in a row so to speak, stress is lifting off him. He has told people that I am his gf (other women) that approach him.. not entirely sure if he means what he says to them or not. He did make it clear that if I didn’t get a job and moved out on my own we wouldn’t make it in a relationship. Which is understandable.. who wants to be young and unemployed living with their parents, with a child? Not I. So I’m doing what needs to be done, not only for my future, but the future of my daughter. His exact words was this “Once you get a job, save money up and move out on your own, we can really start to date. Being under stress brings out the bad in people.. and when you want to date people, you want to date people when their in their good times.. so when bad times come you stay with them because you know how they are in the good times.” Makes sense I suppose. Should I just give it up entirely? I mean we are trying to work through this. And its my fault some facts wasn’t stated clearly. Has the game changed completely now?

[Anonymous]

Good idea! Thank you April, indeed I seem to complicate things, and you’re probably right about the book, I must check it out imediatly 😀 I’ll post anything unclear to me or succeses if I make it out in advance 😎
Take care 😉

[Anonymous]

Hello again April! 😀 I’ve tested her by pretending to meet a new women that just came in my life to see how she reacts.I’ve have put a picture with ”her” on the messenger as an avatar,and as expected that drawed her attention;she asked me if that’s my new girlfiend but I replied to her by ”no””then she asked me if I kissed her:again I say,no I dind’t I’ve just meet her and talked;then she asks me if I have become in love with her:I say no I dind’t but I like her,then again she asked me the same question and this time I’ answer:I don’t fall in love that easily,I’ve just came to like this girl and that’s all.Then she asks me about her picture,I show her,where she learns,I responded as well,then talked with the fake women wich were my friends on another account(I talked with the fake women in case Cristine was curious to see the conversation,she usually is a very curious person,but surprisingly she didn’t ask for the conversation at all).I don’t really know what does question mean…was she affected at all?did she see that I lost interest in her and look for this new ”women”,did she actually compared herself?hidden jelousy?then the next day she asks me how my ”beloved is doing?”I told her that tomorrow I might go out with her.She tells me to go get her!!! 😆 …and I ask her,is that a good idea?yes;I aked why?;because it’s a good chance for me to be happy,I try,ok,I don’t like it,air ok?from the lesser relations I remain with allot(that was her answer).Now to be honsest I defently didn’t expect that answer..she didn’t seem affected at all,or she might just hide it,I decided to continue aking her a one important question:”Will you be sorry if u lose me,if u lose contact with me?I mean how much do u really care for me?she askes me probably surprised,why am I asking her this?I told her that I wanted to know,it will help me in the future.”When will it happen”I don’t know,just be honest with me I need to know I respond.Then finnaly she responds me that she would be sorry if she loses me and that she cares allot for me.Surprising answers from her,thigs I didn’t expect came to surfice.What are her feelings..?I myself would have reacted as well like this because I myself,even if I have a crush on her,I myself want her to have all the best…is she sad?jelous?does she care deeper than I think?ahhh so many questions….

[Anonymous]

ummm the whole china post doesnt sound like you? did you write that?

[Anonymous]

LAURA!!! i miss you i sent you an email but i think it sent it to the wrong email becuase I HAVENT GOTTEN A REPLY!!! i like the comments they are funny again i miss you keep telling me whats going on

[Anonymous]

Three months of only knowing someone and moving in is really moving too fast. Sometimes I know it may be old fashioned for certain people but I believe even though I know it is difficult you should not even be sleeping with eachother at this point. I am not saying I am an angel but you really do not even know this guy yet. I was just dating a guy for 2 months and just started to see he is not right for me where a week before that I was so wrapped up in it because I want a relationship so bad. DO NOT MOVE IN! Way too tooo tooo soon. If he loves you he will understand and wait for when you are ready, and it should not be any time soon. Take it easy you are so young.

[Author]

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