Purplerain

[Purplerain]

RainydayQueen,

I am sorry to read about your depression. When we are depressed everything we do and feel springs from and into a negative flow. Two years is a long time to feel this way. As April said you have to acknowledge and take responsibility for your part of the relationship. Find in yourself the desire to enjoy your fiancé and cultivate it. Now that is like a weak muscle, you have to train it. This ability to feel and be desiring and desirable grows when you use and encourage it.
Start taking very good care of yourself, your hair, your nails, your body. Buy new flirty underwear, look sexy and you will feel sexy . This requires effort . You have to break the depression, don’t let it break your love life.
The emotion of sex is very strong, especially in men. Some people frown on this but I think that is actually good when you are lucky to find a virile, sexual man. Would you prefer a cold , disinterested man ?!
Go for therapy , exercise ! Exercise is a natural medicine for depression, it gives you a refreshing, irresistible glow. Do it till the point you will fall in love with yourself again to the point when you will never ever want to go back to the old RainydayQueen, you will become LovelyglowingQueen.
Seduce him, surprise him make him fall in love with you again.
I have read April’s book Think&date like a man, several times. I thought I knew a lot but when i read the book and started APPLYING her advices my love life became much better.
I wish you will bring out the tremendous power that you have and it’s hidden under your depression. Do it sooner than later.

[Purplerain]

Crimson_King,
You are free not to read the books April wrote, nobody can force you. But you don’t know what you are losing. I believe you are one of the members of this forum that she wrote for a lot ! For free !
Gratitude is something that shows character.
Nobody considered you a “show” in here. People that you have never seen or heard of genuinely spent precious time of their life thinking, writing for your own good. I wish you could have the same strength and sharpness in following your dream for your life and love life, as you show here in these posts. Trying to find faults with everything people are trying to advice you is a dead end. Self help books are good. They are tools to support you when you are looking for answers but it is up to you what you make of them. And again you are the one that filters what suits you and your situation out of them.
I believe you feel overwhelmed by the circumstances . Nobody belittles that, this is why people answered your replies.
I think you yourself would be a very good writer, why don’t you try your hand and mind on that ? Evaluating what you wrote so far I think you are gifted and who knows ?
It’s just a humble personal opinion, please don’t hate me for this !
April recommends us books because it is impossible to write in a post the whole content of a book. In order to know how her books are different from others you have to read them first. A very constructive approach would be to read and then come back and share with us your opinion. Or simply ask April and discuss with her your point of view as compared to hers . When more minds share together we all benefit and broaden our horizons. I believe that she would be very pleased to read our comments and how we evolve in our love life. So far we all behave like spoilt brats, run to her when we are in trouble , use her experience and time ! For the time she spends answering and thinking about each and everyone of us we can never repay her.
Don’t you see Crimson King ? She is spoiling us with her generosity. Very rare. If we would have to go to a counsellor we would pay dearly, by the minute, I can assure you, because I ve been there. 😮
I know you will be angry to read this because you already have your mind set that people are here in this post to antagonize with you or have some hidden, mercurial interests.
I have been struggling financially for a while and inwardly rejected and protested anyone telling me that I have to do something about it. I did not have much initiative. And I paid dearly with precious irreversible time of my life for my stubbornness. We don’t like to be told the truth, most of the time, because it hurts to admit it. I had to move, knock this door or the other, employ everything I knew and everything I did not know even, get anxious, mad, cry, smoke a lot . . . ! But in the end I had to open my mind and see where I was wrong . This is the strength you have to build.
I hope that you will find in yourself so much zest for life, so much passion for finding your happiness, to the point of no return. To the point where you will employ all your knowledge, strength and love for yourself, respect for yourself to get up, take responsibility and just do it !

[Purplerain]

Dear ladydh,
Sometimes we get caught in situations that without us realizing are so obviously detrimental at least. Life is mostly emotional, so our emotions trap us and we are no longer clearheaded. The good news is that emotions, negative or positive fade away when we don’t feed them.
I think that you don’t realize it because you are emotionally involved but this man is not for you. Do not respond to him . Ever. Run !
You are asking what is his point in him sending you the message about his baby girl. Ask yourself what is the point in replying to him . Don’t be confused, be strong !
There are amazing honest and loyal men out there. Save your energy in finding yourself and a beautiful love relationship.

[Purplerain]

I ve been in this situation sometime ago, only that he really wanted to marry me ! Living with him in the same house helped me know him better and I clearly understood I did not want him even as a friend !!! I left the house and stayed by myself for a while , nevertheless he did not change and the issues we had were deal breakers for me . Absolutely.
I so much wish I knew April’s forum that time. Whatever she says in her answer to you makes so much sense to me .
Once you no longer live in such close proximity you WILL have a chance to date and find someone that you want and he wants you too . You are so tenderly young , at the beginning of your life and love life, give yourself the chance to be happy in it .
Please make sure you buy, read, read again and again her book Think and date like a man and you will be a winner in love. Please read it several times, digest it and apply the advices. It is a great book to read at such beautiful young age . It will save you many blunders you can commit against yourself . Again I wish I had read it 10 years ago when I was your age. Many mistakes I wouldn’t have done.
Wish you the strength and wisdom to go through this episode of your life.

[Purplerain]

After reading again your story I understood that you consider him a” really good friend” !
He is not your good friend. No good friend would do that to you ! A good friend would sit you down and have a sincere talk with you, not string you along !
An important part of our role as women in a relationship , any relationship is the relationship you have with yourself and your own body. You have to know that the way you present yourself in front of your man is very important. you have to learn how to take good care of yourself, mentally , emotionally and physically, at all times.
At this point you need to take action with all these aspects of your being. It will give you a power, confidence and peace that nobody can take from you , and don’t let people or adverse circumstances have negative influence over you. It is easy in theory , and amazing in reality. Only that needs practice , every day and when the going is getting hard seek advice , professional advice. By merely talking to your friends won’t help much because they will filter your story through their experience, their emotional baggage and sometimes you ll be more confused. Talk to them if you need to air it out but go to prefessionals for real , long lasting solutions to your problems. When you have toothache you go to the dentist, don’t you ? You don’t go to your friends. When you have heartache go to the proper professionals who will help you work through your problems.
If we have deep seated issues with the way we react to life’s situations we need professional help and a strong, stronger than anything else desire to get well. Exercise, psychotherapy, self grooming are tools and it is up to what we do with them to be successful.
I hope this will help you at least make you excited enough about the amazing new you that is hidden inside you in order to take necessary action. Have faith. Believing with faith is extraordinary, believing with doubt is horrible.
Recreate yourself and your love life !

[Purplerain]

Ms. Understood,
Friends with benefits rarely works ! The fact that he cheated on you and you are still sleeping with him should make you sit and ponder and answer yourself If this is what you really want in your love life. He cheated on you at a difficult time of your life when you needed attention and care , not betrayal.
I want you to know that most of the times life is emotional, not logical and we most of the times put our happiness and safety in someone else’s hands but sometimes there is no sanity or logic in others’ reactions and behavior. It is your responsibility to analyze what is happening in your love life , never ever give anyone else the power to change situations in love and life in general , otherwise you will have a life or relationship not of your own making. Nevertheless, relationships are there to be negotiated , not so much with words , but with actions.
He told you he does not want to be in a relationship , he just wants to sleep with you.
After the breakup he should have dated you again and win you over again, real dating , not hooking up or meeting for sex.
As for your drug use I can clearly notice that you are having self destructing behavior . You are hurting yourself once by staying in a relationship for sex and second by substance abuse ! There is much more to life and love than this. I do believe that you need psychotherapy to help you deal with this double difficult situation of your life. Starting exercising would help a lot because it acts as medicine and relieves a lot of your tension.
It is a healthier approach to life and shows a lot of respect for yourself ! Being in a great physical shape is a fabulous pleasure, more than substance use.
Take responsibility for your life and body and date smart.
Go to April’s forum advice. Is is great ! Get all the help you need, but remember that there are things in life that only you can do, nobody else in the whole world can do for you. She wrote an amazing book on dating Date and think like a man. It is available on line, you can buy it and download it immediately and it will change your love life for ever. I do feel you are lost, and need all the help you can get.
There are amazing men out there! There are trustworthy fabulous men alive. We have to find them and know how to keep them. April’s book is one of the best you can get.
Please post your story in April’s advice forum , she has some excellent insights and a lot of experience. She helped me too and thousands of others.

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