Evie

[Evie]

My ex-boyfriend was like that. He acts like he knows it all, and worse, he thinks and acts like he’s superior to others. My suggestions would be the same: talk to him. It’s clear that he doesn’t have regards to how you feel and he sounded kind of narcissistic. He needs to know how you feel. Communication is important in a relationship and without communication, it won’t work. He probably doesn’t know he’s doing it or that he just doesn’t care how you feel. Whatever the reason is, you need to get your feelings about his behavior out in the open. Otherwise you’ll just feel worse and unhappy in the relationship.

Good luck!

[Evie]

You’re not alone out there!

I can sympathize with you. I’m going through the similar thing right now. A guy came into my life, tells me that he likes me, asked if I would be his girlfriend. He was so wonderful to me, only by the end of the week he breaks up with me, telling me that he wants to go back to being friends. I want him back too, the same way you feel about your ex.

Perhaps that he only liked you as a friend the whole time and enjoyed your company while it was there. Or maybe he finds that he wasn’t ready to commit or emotionally ready for a long-term relationship. Maybe he’s not the one or maybe he doesn’t know what he wants. I’ve been on the receiving end of this one time too many and never really knew what was wrong until recently, after talking to all my friends. I talked to my ex and he told me that he liked me as a friend, and now we stayed friends. Perhaps it might help you on how you feel if you have a talk with him and get some answers.

There isn’t much you can do other than give it time. Don’t dwell on it too much. I know its hard but if you keep dwelling on it you’ll be sadder than you already are. You sound like a wonderful person who deserves a guy who will do anything and everything for you.

[Evie]

What happened to the original post??? I was replying to that person who thought breast was important in attracting men.

Used to feel that way but its not worth my time to if a guy is only going for the breasts so I stop worrying about breast and attracting men. I feel that men should be acceptable of a person’s natural beauty. I totally agree with what April said. Make most of what you’ve got!

To the person who made the original post – its what’s on the inside that counts, not the outside. Stop worrying about your breasts! 🙂

[Evie]

Oh, I so don’t like drama lol. I try to avoid it whenever I can. I just felt like I unknowingly stepped between them and didn’t realize it until now that kind of thing.

So again, Cedric is the guy I like and Ken is his friend. From what you said about how you think that both men (Cedric and Ken) like me, I feel like Cedric is kind of like playing mind games with me. You know, kind of like dangling a carrot in front of me, tempting me. Kind of like he’s trying to make me put my life on hold for him but he never comes around.

I’m not trying to analyze or overanalyze here (my mind is already confused enough about things as it is), but just telling you what I see in the picture.

Like you said in my first post, in “What Is He THinking…” post, if he (Cedric) is interested or is even boyfriend material, he would have asked me out after he got over his break-up last year, after admitting to each other that the feelings for one another is mutual or had done something. Or maybe would have come around after a string of bad luck with girls recently. Right now, he’s like, his radar goes off big time after that one-time hangout with his friend Ken, and then the next, he pretends nothing happened, treating me like a co-worker/friend. Yet, he still says (on his Twitter) that its easy to find a girl, but hard to find a woman. Somehow his behavior (freaking out then pretends nothing happened) doesn’t seem to be that of someone who’s likes a girl/woman. It made me kind of doubt that he likes me. His behavior made me doubt he likes me, and his comment about hard to find a woman, I had always been myself and not done anything to make him think I’m a girl and not a woman. And I’m 6 years older than he is (and it didn’t seem like age was a problem when he told me he liked me last year. I’m also younger than Ken).

I was just kind of bothered by his reaction when he was freaked out. Why would he do that when he’s not even interested in dating me? Is his friend Ken hanging out with me (that one time when he was with his one-week girlfriend) as friends felt like a threat to him? That’s what it looked like to me on the surface. Is it even normal for a guy who’s not interested in you (as you have told me in my very first post where I was totally clueless to the signs) to freak out when he finds out that his friend was hanging out with you and act like nothing happened aftererwards? I guess there are guys who likes a girl but don’t want to date them…? I’m just confused as to what might have set him off like that. Or maybe its just another one of his mind games.

Breaking down what you said, let him be the man. Let him do the inviting and plan the outing. Right. Cedric’s the one who’s been doing that, not Ken. So Cedirc had asked me to go out with him to coffee like once or twice since I made the first post in this thread, and I took your advice and let him be the man…except that he (at times) is/can be indecisive! Everytime we go coffee or hang out (even in the past), he would ask me where I want to go or where we should go eat (and since money is an issue for him, it has to be cheap), but I would force him to choose, let him guide what we do, where we go hang out/eat., by asking him the same question. I kind of got this from my ex-roommate turned best friend (who’s been married for a little over a year) whom the three of us hung out once sometime back in February this year. My ex-roommate told him that he should make the decisions for where to go to dinner since he’s the man (I mean she literally said it out loud to him, which surprised me at the time) in the group. So I kind of took that and said that he choose where we go eat and hang out (minus saying that “because he’s the man” part). Making him to choose is not exactly the way I had hope or thought that this whole “let him be the man” thing work out. I pretty much followed your advice in your reply to my post above.

With Ken, he and I haven’t talked since that Friday night a little over a week ago. After dinner at my friend’s house, both Cedric and Ken texted me within two minutes of each other asking if I want to go to the bars with them. That was the last time I talked to Ken. Again, Ken’s behavior showed no sign of what you thought of was him liking me, even when Cedric was not in the same room as us. It seems like Ken is just there and we ended up befriending each other after hanging out a few times with Cedric around, and after Cedric abandoned him for a bit.

For most of the time, I just try to push Cedric out of my mind and get on with life.

They say women are difficult to understand, but I have to say the same for men! Any thoughts on why he might act this way?

Oh and your book is great! Easy to read and helpful tips. 🙂

[Evie]

I have to agree with April. From what you said, you’re wasting your time waiting for him to come around. It’s hard to see it at first, but the signs are clear. I’ve been through a similar avenue (waiting or hoping the guy would come around), but the signs have been there for a while and I just wasn’t seeing it!

Even if he comes around and get romantically involved with you, how can you be sure that he won’t go around with another woman every week? I just feel that you might end up getting hurt.

And the book she recommended, buy it! It’s an easy read and I learnt some stuff from it, coming from no experience in dating.

[Evie]

Thank you April, for the advice. Much appreciated.

It’s really hard to tell what men are thinking. And harder for me because I never had dating or relationship experience. I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 22. In high school I told one guy how I felt, got rejected in the face, and the other guy, I was rejected nicely through IM and we remained friends to this day. I’m scared in general when it comes to dating and relationship stuff. So for me, it was hard to read between the lines or even interpret the signs. Or in other words, I was clueless.

Anyhow, just a few days ago, I found out he has a new girlfriend. I don’t know if he knows that I know he has a girlfriend now, but to me, knowing that he’s seeing someone new and me seeing him at work made me feel somewhat awkward and he’s still normal, being friendly. I feel like he’s a total stranger. I had been avoiding him for the past couple of days. I use to talk to him and his co-worker a lot and talk to him on Facebook but now it’s just saying things like “hi” or “how was your weekend?” at work. Even one of my co-workers (the same co-worker who suggested that I should ask him (the guy I like) out) brought up how he noticed that we (me and the guy I like) haven’t talked much. I told him (my co-worker who’s a guy) about that I found out and that I didn’t understand why (I asked that co-worker, hoping that with him being a guy, he can give me some insights into the male mind) the guy I like the way he did and he offered (I didn’t ask him to) to talk with that guy I like, a “guy heart-to-heart”, to see what that guy is thinking. I was told today by my co-worker that the guy I like doesn’t know what he wants yet (it was relationship stuff that was accidently brought up, and the two guys talked about it but not specifically my case).

I feel it’s somehow difficult to get over the whole thing of what happened between me and him, with him being around at work and I’m not wanting to quit my job just to avoid him. And I hate losing him as a friend (I hate losing any friends. My friends are very important to me). I guess at least the one good thing I want from this whole situation is at least he and I can remain friends if I can’t have him as a boyfriend.

Is giving him the silent treatment (or at least right now it seems like its leading up to it), ignoring him temporarily a good idea to help me get over this? Or would another technique be better?

[Author]

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