Hi April,
Thank you for your reply. What you say makes a lot of sense and I don’t think I was looking at the situation from his point of view to any great extent.
I have just placed an order for your book at Amazon and if it is anything like the advice you give to other posters I think I will learn a lot!
Also, I think you are correct in saying that I did not know how to show him I was interested. This was due to several things including that normally I would go for a playful/comical tactic with men. He is quite serious and did not respond to this. Nor is he (or I for that matter) good at small talk. tbh I was at a lost as to what to do. As I said in my previous post we have exchanged suggestive texts (not explicit!) and I would have thought that would have shown an interest fromm my end?
Anyway, if you do not mind me telling you another bit of this story and helping me figure this out I would really appreciate it!
I spent a bit of time frustrated with him because of the way he was acting I have already described but one day decided to push it to one side and try and show him I cared. So I spent 6 weeks acting like an angel! I was supportive of him during several disputes at work, backed him up, spoke to him at work and on the phone in the evenings/weekends about anything he wanted to talk about (work/personal etc). I clearly made him feel comfortable sharing his worries with me. I also showed I cared by sending him home from work as he looked ill and then calling him to check how he was. I did not speak much to other male co-workers and essentially gave him a lot of my attention. To me this behavior is indicative of a very good friend or gf not simply a co-worker. He did seem to respond to this particularly when I showed concern when he was ill (he seemed happy I was worrying) and over the 6 weeks we did not have one incident of him not speaking to me or becoming annoyed with me. However, although I am pleased it made him less hostile towards me, I do not feel I got anything from him indicating he was still interested in me and would like something to happen. He did not come forward with anything. He just seemed to take was I was giving and nothing else was given back. I hope you get what I am saying here.
After the 6 weeks I felt that maybe he was no longer interested and wasn’t so attentive of him, i.e. I started talking to people who were new in our office and the male co-workers again. As soon as I did this, he started up the old behavior! Almost worse than before.
Considering what you have said I should not expect a quick turnaround—Do you think I gave up on the attentiveness too soon for him to be confident in me? And do you think it sounds like I was doing the right things in that period anyway? Could he still be confused because what I did was not clear enough?
What I am unsure of is whether he is doing the silent treatment etc on me because of what you have said- that he is hurt and protecting himself and open to me showing an interest hopefully OR is he generally angry with me for what he sees as rejection and does not have feelings for me and does not like me because I dented his ego?
If you think he does still care I just did not persevere long enough what can I do to show him in the meantime before your book arrives!?
sorcha
Participant