piglet369

[piglet369]

okay well, I have been seeing this new guy (lets call him John) and he is best friends with my ex…. (lets call him Mike)… hah kind of bad. I know. and we were together for almost four years. We all are from the same town, but John goes to the same college as me. We have been together for almost five months and it has gotten pretty serious. Now that we are home for the summer he won’t hang out with me in public or have me over at his place, but will only come over to my house past 8pm (rarely before). It has been about 5 months and my ex doesn’t know, and he has JUST told someone about us (one person). So up until this point, he did not said anything to anyone about us, not even his family. I am the only one who is not keeping out relationship in the dark. He says he will not go to town with me because he is more of a homebody. He has also said it was because of my ex, and he doesn’t want him to see us together, and hes just not ready to tell him. Its annoying because he keeps saying thats why but they dont even talk anymore, and if we argue its always “well why would i want to say something if we arent in a stable relationship” and I know thats really shady. It bothers me we cant be normal after all this time and we cant really do anything fun, its the same thing pretty much every time he sees me. i dont know if its just me being impatient but I’m getting annoyed and I feel like if he really cared like I did he would say something, especially this long into it if hes saying he loves me.

I really care about John, but this really bothers me. Its at the point I’m not sure I want him to tell anyone anymore since I’m unsure about us now. He says he will, he has been saying things will change for the past two-three months but nothing has happened.

ALSO. His ex of two years is still in the picture. In the beginning they constantly texted and i knew he hid it from me, and tried to downplay it. But he was honest about it. A month or two into us being together i asked him if he still loved her and he said yes, i love her like a sister….. weird. I told him it bothered me they talked as much as they did so he stopped talking to her (i think) and about two months ago i found out he texted her, and he lied to my face about it. <<he was acting weird that morning wanting to look at my phone and as soon as i said well you dont let me look at your phone, (or something like that) so theres no reason i should let you. and he was acting weird about it and I could tell something was up. when we got into the car he was saying how im probably texting my ex or these guys and i was like no, if you show me your phone ill show you mine. and he was like well i havent done anything. and im like okay well lets see haha and he pulled out his phone and scrolled down his messages to the bottom (he has an iphone) and when i was like wait, why arent you going to the top and he said i did i show you it all, and i was like no wait, and i tried to move it up and he kept moving it down. but i saw his ex’s name haha. and when he dropped me off i didnt say a word and he texted me like right after saying yeah i texted her last night when i was drunk i didnt remember and i forgot to tell you lala (he expects me to tell him when my ex texts/calls me and i dont do double standards so i expect the same) and i was with him that night, so i guess he texted her before i came over or something so i think he had plenty of time to tell me about it. ANYWAY. He says he hasnt talked to her but he just went to new york around fathers day with his family (without his dad though) and i found out she hung out with his dad on fathers day.. and she still talks to his sister… I am not comfortable with this but i mean there isnt much I can do. What do you think?

also, hes very insecure and doesnt trust me. there isnt a credible reason why he shouldnt. i mean.. hes a really nice guy and is sweet besides accusing me of things lol i just think hes super insecure. and ive had a thing for him for like the past year and a half (bad too, i know) but its just like now that we are together like that, things are a little off. im not sure if its me or something i can change idk. he just seems like a girl inside a guys body haha honestly.

ugh i need all kinds of advice. help

[piglet369]

Well, i think maybe you should have a talk with her. To me it seems as if she wants to get back with you, but then again shes still telling this guy shes in a relationship with that she misses him etc. You don’t want to act too impulsively, because it might just be she doesn’t want to get back with you, you never know until you talk to her.

So I suggest that next time or something you guys are together bring it up, and ask whats going on with you two. Express how you feel but don’t come on too strong cause it could seem like you are smothering her or something. I would just say something like (not exact words) ” for the past (however long you guys have been hanging out again) ive just been thinking and my feelings have started to come back and i was wondering how you felt about me and if you want to pursue this, since you kissed me and etc etc but you still tell your boyfriend you miss him.”

as for why she kissed you and she tells you these things, it could be a few things. all girls are different so i cant tell you EXACTLY what shes thinking. maybe she likes you and wants you back, but still tries to make it seem okay with her current boyfriend by saying i miss you and stuff so hes not suspicious. maybe she just likes the attention and thats why shes doing the things shes doing. also, she could be confused, she likes you but she cares about her boyfriend and if thats the case, she has some decisions to make. she also could just be caught up in what you used to be and just wants to have one last fling or something? if that makes sense

just ask and try and be open with her, since only she can tell you what she feels and the reasons behind her actions

[piglet369]

I think you should just ask him. Guys are really hard to read, and only he knows really how he feels. Take matters into your own hands, and just say something like (not in these exact words “I really dont get you lately, you ask me to prom, and say oh well i dont know if im going _____ (whatever else you want to say). If you like me or dont like me then tell me. Youve made fun of me and then you ask me to prom and then say ‘Uhhhhh i dont know if im going anymore” and i really dont know what to make of it” or something like that.

hopefully that helps! 🙂

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