EnigmaMan

[EnigmaMan]

Thanks for the reply.

While your advice would make sense for a generalized situation like this I don’t think it applies to her and this situation. I think you would agree if you knew all the information I now know about it.

Her and I talked about this further over the past weekend and she said he was having some personal problems he wanted to talk about and get advice from her on (they were close friends in school). He had texted her earlier in the day and said he needed to talk about his issues and would be in town this weekend. It was shortly before she brought up going out for a drink that he texted her and said he was in our city and asked if she was free to meet. She said she didn’t feel comfortable telling me much more than she wanted to meet “a friend/friends” for a beer because she didn’t feel right about betraying her friend’s trust and sharing his private problems with someone he’s never met. She said she just didn’t know how to deal with the situation, and so she just tried (obviously, and clumsily) to be alone with him without letting me know why.

She got emotional and upset when we discussed this, which to me makes sense because she would feel like I was being really overbearing and controlling given that she just wanted to go talk to her friend about his problems. She was between a rock and a hard place of either sharing her friends secrets against his will (or at least telling me he “has issues”) or leaving me out of the loop.

I don’t think it’s really a situation where I need to decide if I want to compete for her. I think it’s more I need to decide if I can trust her. Since I have judged her to be of very good character and maturity (definitely better than myself), especially for her age, I think I can.

In hindsight it seems preposterous she would attempt to do something underhanded right in front of my face. She is very smart and I’m sure if she wanted to do something on the down low she would not go about it in such a clumsy, obvious way. Her claim of her friend having private personal problems they wanted to discuss makes much more sense. We did have a talk though that acting this way basically forces distrust and suspicion into our relationship, so we’re both going to be more communicative going forward. She’s shy and a little socially inexperienced so she also said she’s cool with it if I ask her questions about stuff if I feel like I’m being left out of the loop.

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