[katdawg]

Perhaps not going on dates where the two of you are alone. Go on dates that are in public places and where there are always people around. You’re less likely to act on your wild hormones in front others 😯 . Seeing one another behind closed doors and alone is asking for trouble. Also remember that no birth control is 100% effective. A condom can break and pills can be missed or not work. So if you’re not ready or understand what it takes to be a parent then seriously think about whether or not you want to risk making one; it only takes that one time. I watch 16 and pregnant on MTV and it saddens my heart that “kids” your age are letting the hormones control your brain. I was there once. I started when I was 13 and let me tell you I regret it to this day and wish I had waited, seriously. If you think you really love her enough to have sex with her then isn’t it worth the wait? Chances are if you have sex …you’re more than likely not going to remember her name when you’re um…38? 😉

[katdawg]

I agree, of course, with April. If your boyfriend is divorced from his son’s mother then more than likely he is going to do what pleases his son out of guilt because of the broken home that resulted from their break up. Your boyfriend will always put his son first and you should accept that since it is what you have chosen for yourself and it is what it is. April’s right, it’s not going to change. If this isn’t something you want then if I were you I would cut my losses. And if I may, really consider the age difference. My father was 16 years older than my mother and they were always at different points in their lives and that always caused some kind of conflict. Do you really want to be changing his diapers in the future WAY before you’re ready to? Just sayin.

[katdawg]

i agree let him go. your friends are right when they say you are not priority and nor should you be. he has a child he has an opportunity to raise and be a part of its life. that child, not you, needs his undivided attention and for him to be a father to her. it will lessen the likelihood that she get into “trouble” sexually as a young teen. if you are incapable of taking a back seat to her then you should move on. i hope i am not coming across mean but with the best interest of that “child” in mind.

[katdawg]

WOW! April! you were so very direct in this one and so right on as usual. I LOVE THIS SITE and your wisdom!

[katdawg]

in my opinion you are too insecure to love. that isn’t a very healthy state of being to bring into a relationship. you should do things to help your insecurities and work on them so that you won’t be. knowing that you are not secure in yourself it isn’t really fair to the other person. a relationship is only as healthy as the least healthy person. even if you found a very confident woman she will always be brought down to tend to your insecurities. that does not make for a very happy love filled life together. i would consider dating yourself for a while until you become more secure and confident. to me an insecure person is wishy washy and doesn’t know what they want because they are so unsure of themselves. how can that type of person know what they want in a partner if they don’t even know or secure in themselves?

[katdawg]

Amen! i am always complementing other women’s beauty. we are all the species and admiring one’s beauty is normal human behavior. 😀 whenever i’ve said, “damn, she’s hot. i’d do her.” trust me…he is NO LONGER LOOKIN AT HER but looking at me and immediately i think he’s got a fantasy going on in his head about me and another woman. haha oh but wait…he ain’t gonna lose me to another woman!! and then… wowza.. i have reeled his attention back in. investing in a good push up bra and low cut blouse works too. 😯

[katdawg]

“but she may be upset about not being engaged and watching her friend get married after she’s committed six years to your relationship. Just a guess… “

i think you nailed it in the head with that line there, April. six years is a LONG time to wait for a man to decide whether or not this is for life or not. people date to find a life partner. when you make someone your girlfriend/boyfriend you are saying, “okay, i think this might be the one. let’s see if we’re made for each other.” four years tops it. even that is too long. if you didn’t know by four years what are you still doing in the relationship.

i can see why you would be upset with her -you did reach an agreement to leave early, but by the end of the night she didn’t want “the fairy tale” evening to end. even if it is vicariously through her friend. 😕 “when a man wants to be your husband…he act’s like a husband would act.” on the other hand…i agree with April. a wedding is once in a lifetime for a couple (if we prayed hard enough) and birthdays are every year. a husband would understand that.

if your best man wanted to skip your wedding to go to his girlfriend’s friend’s birthday party and the FUN was just beginning…??? you would be okay with that?

[katdawg]

if i were to be with the man that i have the “spark” with then i would be with an alcoholic who has hot and cold behavior. i decided that is not what i want in my life and nothing was reliable with him. it was fun until i thought into the future. what it would be like with kids and trying to raise a family. April is right when she says there has to be balance. i’m 38 now and priorities in life are different than when i was 23. you are going to choose which ever road to take. April knows what she’s talking about and you’re either going to trust her advice or not. knowing myself in my twenties and now and wishing i knew then what i knew now..i would not have even wasted my time. i believe finding the balance between spark and stability is part of it. kyle is spark but doesn’t seem very stable.

[b]“People who chase feelings and leave when the spark goes out don’t provide stable environments or relationships for themselves, any future children or for career and work. Chasing feelings is fun and sexy, but it’s not something you can bank on. Balance is the key here, and I trust you’re figuring this all out so you can eventually have just that.”[/b]

[katdawg]

you’ll never know unless you ask her out. there’s only one way to find out. all she can say is no.

[katdawg]

so right on April. 😀

[katdawg]

http://www.mtv.com/shows/16_and_pregnant/season_2/series.jhtml

You can watch them online.

[katdawg]

I’m sorry for what you are going through. I’m proud of you for even considering adoption. I highly suggest that option. I wish I were strong enough to stand up for that option. There will be the possibilty of reuniting when the child is over 18 rather than waiting til you get to heaven. I was 19 and not as young as you are but if I could go back I would choose adoption. I am 38 now and it still affects me. Since your boyfriend isn’t manning up now it IS doubtful he ever will. There is a show on mtv about “children” your age that are pregnant. It should give you a lot of insight to what it takes and how much work having child is. Ah, it’s called 16 and pregnant. Best of luck to you and I’ll be thinking of you.

[katdawg]

I’m curious if the bills are split 50/50 or is he the main provider of the two roommates? The two of you are not engaged correct? So there’s no promise of a future together? Is the man you chose to put your hopes and dream into not underdtanding enough, compassionate enough to hear you out and work on a compromise? Perhaps you can trust your choice in a man and communicate with him your concerns.

Aprils’s solutions are great ideas!!! I use paper plates when my boyfriend “visits” me. I have visited him as well and have seen him in his environment and he is a tidy man. I think I chose wisely.

[katdawg]

Also remember if he does it with you he’ll do it to you. That just seems like the type of guy he is. I agree with April. You shouldn’t waste your time with him. I assume you would be okay with him seeing someone other than his girlfriend? More than likely what is happening to his girlfriend will happen to you. That’s just my gut feeling.

[katdawg]

the subject is : a stressed man and in the body the poster has a boyfriend. even if i misunderstood this post… April does your book work with same sex relationships?

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