[katdawg]

Hehe might’ve been totally off.

[katdawg]

Hi, Kai.

No need for the apology but thank you. I thought maybe I got too personal by sharing my experiences.

Spammers sure do make it difficult for the folks that are truly trying to make a difference. You’re lucky to be working with April. You guys ROCK!

Thank you for the kudos. I am learning from the BEST!

Katawg

[katdawg]

hi, April. last week sometime I posted some replies and I noticed they were all deleted. I am learning and was just wondering if you could give me pointers as to what not to do. I don’t know how to send a private message to you but you should have my private email. Any advice from you even if you are criticizing me would be appreciated.

[katdawg]

in my opinion: you will need to test the waters. if he wants you back as much as he says he does he should be the one to move to your city (but not in with you) to “date” you again. take the time to get to know each other again as the both of you have changed. you both did wrong in the past and both have had time to grow. i think your children will benefit from having both of their parents in the same home as long as his abusive behaviors is truly behind him. find out what he has done to work on himself regarding his behavior. the question is will the two of you really be able to leave the past in the past and work harmoniously towards a better future for the “family” unit. only time will tell whether or the both of you have changed (you had issues with infidelity and him with lying). you question whether or not you should believe him this time around but what about him trusting you with being faithful? you both have to learn to trust one another again. the only way to do that is to test the waters.

i don’t think we should ever forget when we forgive. we take our lessons learned and know what to look for and work on going forward. we sometimes need to forgive ourselves too.

[katdawg]

in my opinion: i think you should see a doctor and get tested; not rely on a home test to be 100% accurate. that may be why you’re a little paranoid. of course you feel guilty. what you did was wrong. being drunk is no excuse because we really do know what we’re doing. to tell her what you did is going to hurt her tremendously and she may or may not find her way back to trusting you. if you will not be able to live with yourself without telling her then you should annul your marriage. she deserves someone who will be faithful even if tested (as you were). otherwise you should forgive yourself and live everyday ensuring your wife is happy. you owe her that much. i’m curious what April’s opinion is – as to whether or not you should tell your now wife (correct? you’re married now?).

[katdawg]

if he couldn’t live without you why didn’t he put a ring on that finger, instead you became a shack up honey. why live with someone without an engagement ring and a date? i’ve been dating a guy for three years now and i still have no clue where were stand. of course i came to april for advice and she told me to move on. it is easier for me to move on because i am not living with him. we have a lot of history but that’s all there is..history. i don’t hear very much about the future and although it saddens me i am grateful i am not going to have to deal with the dramatic “packing”, moving stuff that goes along with shacking up with someone. i did that in my 20’s and it was horrible. i would suggest moving out and not live with a man unless he’s committed to a future with you first and foremost (otherwise he’d be getting the milk for free). do you want to be at the same place i am now? three years later and in the same position? life is precious and so is our time. :O) like april’s book says – a man who wants to be your boyfriend/husband will ACT like your boyfriend/husband. from what i am reading it doesn’t seem like he wants to be.

[katdawg]

High Five!!

[katdawg]

tie your tubes and don’t have children with this man. how irresponsible to even consider it if religion is an important part of your life. don’t put children in the middle of that if you choose not to listen to April’s advice.

[katdawg]

you have to “BE” what you “WANT”. you are acting out the same behaviors as the women you are talking about. you too, are using women for just sex because it does take two. how can you expect a woman to not just use you for sex if you’re so free with it? too many girls/women are too free with it and that’s the problem. it’s becoming to easy for men to obtain sex and it’s just in their nature to stick it where it’s warm and willing. you have to take control of your desires and save it for someone who is really worth it. remember – you have to behave like what you want otherwise you’re going to continue to attract the person on your same wave length.

[katdawg]

OR! this sounds so familiar. this same situation happened to my friend a long time ago. she always thought he was virgin because that’s all he wanted to do was cuddle. turned out he was in the closet. he was either covering it up because he was ashamed of who he was so he had to have a front to his friends and family. they even touched/fondled and kissed but it never went to intercourse. she thought it was the sweetest thing. but that went on longer than she would have liked and ended the relationship. about a year ago i ran into him arm and arm and smitten with his boyfriend. :O) i dunnoh… 😉

[katdawg]

shouldn’t you choose your partner from within the religion you are? it would be different if he asked to go see what your religion was like but it would be like you’re forcing him to conform or change who he is and i can say, guys don’t like that much. religion is important because when you have children and the parents are practicing different religions that is going to cause a lot of frustration and confusion in your children. that’s just not nice.

[katdawg]

i am wondering how the two of you are able to devote your lives to one another when 98% of your lives are focused on your education. i don’t understand why you would get married when you still have grad school (that will take up a lot of your time – time you will not be able to devote to your relationship and to be a part of it) and she is still in school. people don’t usually get married until they’re ready to devote spending every day asking themselves what can i do today to make her/his life worth living? can’t really do that when you are concentrating on YOU (your school, your schedule, your homework, etc.). my personal opinion when you’re in school you’re still learning and you’re still growing as a person. more than likely you’re not going to be the same person as you were when you first entered into college. but then again – you both knew what you were getting into when you entered into marriage. more than likely she had doubts in the beginning but didn’t have the heart to call it off so went through with it anyway. she is probably realizing she has made a mistake, trying to make the best of it, but in all honesty she’s not as committed to the marriage as you are. perhaps you could use some space from one another to concentrate on your studies. you came this far and would be a total waste to not finish your education. only you can prioritize what means more to you. it has to be one or the other – but not both.

[katdawg]

“….he says if we don’t work it out now he’s going not going to try anymore.”

this has me wondering – in relationships sometimes things get challenging and tough. is he going to give up then? and resort back to his “real” self? after re-reading your post i got the impression he is desperate or he has been rejected by one too many and he’s falling back on ol’ faithful.

[katdawg]

hmmmmmm…my suggestion would be that he move to the city you live in and the two of you date for two years so that you can you “see” for yourself that his actions are backing up his words (that he’s changed) because the distance isn’t allowing you to experience the actions. don’t dare move to accommodate him; he should move to court you!! but really? six years? dang! i can’t say i would wait for someone that long to commit to me. given his history i wouldn’t be so quick to trust that he HAS changed. he would have to prove it!!

[katdawg]

yes, you should cut all contact with your ex in order to get over him. the two of you are on separate pages on where you want the relationship to go; you are wanting him romantically but he is just wanting to be friends. that isn’t fair to you and gives you false hopes of things moving forward or there still being a chance for the two of you. why do that to yourself? i’m sure if you explain that to him he will stop calling/contacting you. you’re only hurting yourself if you stay in contact. maybe once you’re over that “feeling” of still wanting him romantically communication can resume but not when you want one thing and he wants the opposite. :O(

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