[katdawg]

Hmmmm if you have to see him regularly because you work with him then I would use caution in how you interact with him. Be as nice and professional as you can and have a conversation with him. Ask him if he was annoyed that things didn’t work out between the two of you and what his expectation of you was. The only way you’re going to really get answers is by going directly to the person, if you feel safe enough to do so. If you don’t feel safe going to him about it then you shouldn’t really be considering a relationship with this person. To me he sounds a bit Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Unless you really love drama, the unknown, and a really shaky foundation then I would consider not pursuing a romantic relationship with him and let him know, as well as your superior, that it should be kept professional and work related. I had that lesson many years ago not to get involved with someone I work with. When things don’t work out and ends on a bad note you still have to see and interact with that person on a daily basis until one of you finds another job elsewhere. If you were both mature about handling conflict then relationships in the workplace would be doable, but if one of you is immature it will not go well.

[katdawg]

OMG!! WOW! You sound soo strong and confident! You’re a fast study! Congratulations on taking control of your situation to protect yourself! I can hear the excitement in your words. I’m excited for you.

[katdawg]

Heck yeah! When I first joined this forum I was VERY confused myself. I’ve done a lot of soul searching, research, and reading countless relationship help books, including yours. When I respond to the posters and give my thoughts/advice something would click within myself and I realize I should be taking my own advice.

What is interesting with this topic is that the subject is so simple. Does he like me? I am wondering why ask a bunch of strangers and why not just go to the person directly and ask him what his intentions are? But putting thoughts out there to find out other perspectives is such a luxury these days. I love this site!

[katdawg]

one HUGE manual that every girl should get is your book. i’ve read it twice, often refer back to it, quote out of it to help my twenty-something year old friends, and recommend it to all girls i know having difficulties with dating. it has helped me win the dating game.

[katdawg]

😆 i was trying to be nice and help her see she has something going for her. i agree though – just because you’re book smart doesn’t make you heart/street smart.

[katdawg]

thinking from his perspective you are being a little bit needy and that is a big turn off. you need him to do something he’s not willing to do, give you and explanation. he’s a man and he’s going to have conversations with women and their egos love the attention they get from women. you seem to be pressing the issue with him. you either trust him or you don’t. if a man makes you feel insecure and after he tells you he’s not seeing her or their relationship is not romantic you still can not trust him then why be with him? or rather why not be more loving, confident, sure of yourself, understanding, and be that woman he wants to spend time with? i wouldn’t want to be with you if all you’re going to do is nag and require me to explain myself to you. that’s not a fun relationship to be in. he might as well be sleeping with her if all you’re going to is accuse of the crime and mark him guilty anyways. it seems no matter what he tells you you are looking for an excuse to pick a fight with him.

[katdawg]

I forgot who wrote this quote but here it is: ” Why be needy and possessive? The world is big enough to contain everything — you don’t have to grip things so tightly. If it’s meant to be with you, it will stick around. If not, it’s all for the best.” take his word for it and stop wasting your energy wondering and hoping. live your life and continue doing the things you love to do in life. do you have any hobbies that you can continue to do? he is telling you he wants to be single and he needs space from you. respect that and give it to him; i’m sure if you asked the same from him you would want him to respect your request.

[katdawg]

You’re not a terrible person! you are getting your PhD! That makes you a DANG SMART person. You deserve a LOT more than this man is not even close to offering you. I wouldn’t even call him a man! I would leave him in an instant. The time and energy you’re putting into a man not worthy – you could be missing out on meeting the one you are supposed to be with. HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME AND ENERGY! Take your life back and be available to someone who wants to put you first.

[katdawg]

even if he had feelings for you would you want to be with a man like that? one who finishes your sentences, throws temper tantrums when things aren’t going his way, etc? why he’s doing it? he has issues he needs to deal with and he’s unhealthy for you; your friends are right and they see something you are blind to seeing. that really is the bottom line.

[katdawg]

but you know what? i give you big kudos to be wary and even have a “red flag”! you are way ahead of the game than i was when i was under twenty; i’m thirty-seven now. i think you have a good head on your shoulders and even questioning his relationship with his ex-girlfriend that still seems to be going on is a good sign you know what you want and don’t want. if i knew then what i know now…i wouldn’t be worrying about dating. having friendships is a great way to learn more of what you want from a man by getting to know different types of them. i think you have a lot of years rather than two weeks to figure out and make that decision.

[katdawg]

you’re a senior in high school? you should not date anyone unless you are searching for a husband. you’re under twenty i assume. you are too young, in my opinion, to be dating; you should be living your life and exploring who you are. don’t you not want to go to college and set a foundation for yourself and your future before becoming serious with someone that can possibly change your path in life forever? two weeks for your heart to match what your mind? wow? i’ve dated a man for three years and i’ve barely learned everything i need to know about him before making the decision: i want this man to provide for me and our 84 children. he has everything i want in a man and know he is a provider. three years have gone by and we’ve been together long enough to know how we handle the most difficult situations, the most easiest of situations, and we know we’re in it together for the long haul, obviously. THREE YEARS! Two weeks and you already know? Wow!

[katdawg]

I absolutely agree! OP is sounding really needy and stubborn to me. He is a player and yes, you have been played. Don’t be in denial about it and just face that it happened. You don’t have to have closure, just don’t fall for it again and when you don’t answer when he calls – that is closure. How great would it be for you to be the special one who got him to stop being a player, but it wasn’t you otherwise he’d be with you and you wouldn’t have to be chasing him. Not particularly a healthy and real relationship when everything is done by texts, emails, and facebooking is it? It IS a fantasy world you’re living in.

[katdawg]

Amen, April! You rock and your book Think and Date Like a Man is awesome! It should be one of every woman’s dating guide.

[katdawg]

oh my,,,,the OP is really confused within herself. maybe dating shouldn’t be on the agenda right now but some real deep soul searching. confusion doesn’t reside where someone is strong and sure of herself and what she wants and doesn’t want. when all those things are present within yourself there is never any confusion. everything IS simply, “Do I really want this in my life?” YES OR NO?

[katdawg]

if she is the one why would you give up on her? there is someone that means so much to you that you want to spend the rest of your life with and have children with and you want to give up on her? i agree with April. I didn’t read that the two of you were in an exclusive relationship nor did you say she was your girlfriend. move forward and don’t look back. take the lesson from it and make up for lost time. you can’t continue to resent her for something she did when you didn’t man up and profess. it would be a different story if the two of you have communicated exclusivity but i didn’t see that in your story.

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