bella1979

[bella1979]

I get you Daddy Kitty! It’s all good and well to say move on, get over it etc etc but sometimes we need to know WHY things happen so we can learn and grow from them and not make the same mistake again. After reading your posts I can only give you my opinion and remember it is only an opinion. To me, her behaviour sounds disturbing. She is obviously hiding behind this MJ thing and I believe there is a deeper issue at hand but unfortunately I can not tell you what that reason is because quite simply I do not know. I understand with my entire being that you need answers but unfortunately sometimes we just won’t ever get the answers and we have to find the peace of mind to move forward.

I would try to just ask her what her obsession with MJ is but if that’s not an option … it may be time to move on without those answers you seek. Probably not what you wanted to hear but I’ve recently had my fair share of not getting answers from someone i deeply care about, and believe me, it’s not worth the time wasted because you can never get that time back. I had a young man pass away tonight whilst trying to resuscitate him, and it made me realise how unimportant some of the stuff I’ve worried about recently really is. When you witness something like I did tonight … makes you understand how truly lucky we really are to just simply be alive. Suddenly I no longer care about the answers because the truth is it doesn’t matter. You can’t change what’s happened … you can only work on changing how you feel about it.

[bella1979]

This is purely my opinion but here goes … the porn is acceptable to some degree but chat rooms about indiscreet affairs?!?! Seriously … does this sit ok with you when you’re about to get married?? I know it would make me sick in the stomach … but that’s just me.

If it doesn’t feel right then let it be known. Talk to him and see where that goes 🙂

[bella1979]

Erm … I think you’re confused. My best friend is dating his best friend!! No one else is after him except me and if you had read my story correctly you would have seen that he is the one that has initiated all of the sexual events (texts, calls) all started by him so explain to me how I am sexually harrassing him? Again and for the final time, I’m NOT his boss. I am the supervisor on shift but he does not report to me nor do I have any control over his employment with our company. And please do explain … how am I breaking the law!?!

[bella1979]

Ok … firstly I am not his boss. I am the supervisor when he is on shift but he does not report to me and I have absolutely no control over his employment. I realise I am 10 years older than him but not quite sure why that would be a problem. There are plenty of people in the world with younger/older partners. I’m not sure how you got the “he’s clearly not interested in you” part. If you read my previous post you would see that he is the one who told his best friend that he is interested but is afraid because he has talked the experience up so much and clearly has no idea what to do when it comes down to the crunch and I on the other hand am clearly an experienced woman. If he wasn’t intersted, I’m positive he would have told his best friend that and as his best friend is not one to spare peoples feelings, I would know by now if he is indeed not interested.

As for the stalking … I’m suprised you would say that. I don’t text him, I don’t call him, I don’t drive by his place, in fact, I see him maximum 2 times a week as he only has two shifts a week at my work and even then we’re lucky if we get to talk as I am busy working.

With all due respect, your comments are uncalled for. I am certainly not “dense” and I do have a life and that life just happens to include feelings for this guy.

[bella1979]

Hi April,

Last night it was confirmed (by his best friend to my best friend who as it turns out are dating) that he is indeed a virgin (I was previously already told as you know but not from the most reliable source). His best friend also confessed that he is now scared to get together with me because of the fact that he has talked it up so much (with the explicit texts etc) and is worried about being disappointing and so forth. I must admit that I am extremely flattered that this is still something that he wants (for me to be his first time) but is just afraid of going through with it. The truth is at the end of the day, I don’t care that he is a virgin. It doesn’t influence my decision to still want this with him, and it just makes me respect him all the more for it. The problem now is that I know the truth but yet I can not let it be known that I know. I can not straight out speak with him about this because then his best friend will know that I betrayed his trust and I just can’t have that.

I guess what I need help with now is, how do I let him know that I know or at least suspect that he is a virgin and it’s ok with me, that it doesn’t matter and doesn’t change how I feel about him? At the end of the day, this will not turn into a relationship, but I would really like to be the one who gets to share his first time with him. If I had found out that he doesn’t want it to be with me as he wants it to be with someone he loves then I would respect that and would not hesitate in walking away … but now that I know that this is something he really wants but the only thing stopping him is his fear, it makes it impossible for me to let it go when it’s something that I so dearly want to share with him.

I’m really open to suggestions of how I can go about having this conversation with him. You must understand that the situation is delicate and he is too afraid to be alone with me as he’s worried that we will start kissing again etc. so gettting him and I together alone is going to be a mission in itself. I certainly can’t talk about this with him at work and he lives with his parents so thats out of the question.

The thing I’ m most struggling with here is that it’s all fear based as to why he won’t go throught with this and I would hate for fear to have ruined what could have been … If he at least knows how I feel about this, which I find hard to bring up with mentioning that his best friend told me, then I am happy to let him decide where the next step takes us.

Thanks in advance for your input April … I just need this to be done one way or another.

[bella1979]

Acknowledged … thank you for all your input though 🙂

[bella1979]

Hi April,

Just an update … turns out he’s from a strict catholic home and he’s a virgin! Guess that explains it ….

[bella1979]

I know you’re right April … with every fiber of my being but I just can’t stop. I have been gut wrenchingly honest with myself over the past few days and turns out i have feelings that run much deeper than I originally thought and much deeper than I originally anticipated.

Last night I had dinner with a mutual friend of ours (who also happened to have offered him a one night stand late last year when she terminated her employment where we work) and he also turned her down and she wasn’t even going to be around anymore as she moved to an island!!

Something that may be of relevance, at least my friends seem think so is that when we were making out at my place, I wandered down south and he seemed to quickly move my hand away but not before I got a feel of a quite small package. Everytime I tried to venture south, he would pull my hand away but yet was happy to keep kissing and touching me.

I hate the way I sound trying to make all these excuses and I know I need to move on but I physically can’t. When I try to, I feel physically sick and I know this is just making me stuck. I honestly am not so cluless as to what’s going on … but I am cluless as to how to let him go. He has this hold on me and he knows it … I don’t know how to stop wanting him (nor how to stop feeling for him).

Bella

[bella1979]

Hi April,

Thanks so much for your insight. I agree with some of it but not all of it. Yes I want what I want when I want, you’re completely right about that … but if he really didn’t want anything to do with me, why would he keep pursuing it? And if he really had no intention of following through, why would he give me his word when I know for a fact that he is extremely proud of his word and any promises he makes?

I know I sound pathetic … it kills me that I’m still thinking about him but I can’t believe that he simply doesn’t want to do it. It just doesn’t sit right with me and I almost know that there is something more to it than just meets the eye …

Would love more points of view 😉

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