[JLynn1988]

Thanks! He messaged me yesterday with a silly excuse to try to hang out with me. A week after I had told him I couldn’t see him or talk to him right now. I told him no, I could see right through his phony excuse. Said he wanted to learn to do my hobby, even though i taught him while we were dating. I think her grass isn’t seeming so green anymore and he has noticed that I’ve been watering mine quite nicely the last 5 months and wants to check it out before he leaves his sure thing. Basically doing what I think he did to me with her. Not falling for it, if he wants to work things out he can do it the right way. In the meantime I’ve been meeting a lot of new friends, some guys even. I’ve become a totally different person now that I’ve stopped caring so much about what others might think of me. Best thing that’s ever happened to me and hopefully good things will continue to come

[JLynn1988]

Kind of have an update. While I’m still not any more over this guy after 5 months, I felt I made progress yesterday. A few days ago I had sent him a message, basically apologizing for treating him more like a friend than a boyfriend for most of the relationship. I have so much guilt about it and thought that maybe if I apologized and got it off my chest I might be able to start moving on. He finally responded yesterday, hours after I saw he had read it. I didn’t expect a response so I was very surprised. He basically thanked me for the apology and gave me the “I still consider you a friend and want you to know I’m always here for you” speech. I told him I appreciated that, but I wasn’t in a place where I could be friends and talk to him. After that he asked me how things were going and I tried to be as short as I could and end the convo without being rude, since I had just expressed to him that I couldn’t do the talking like friends thing. Anyway, maybe it will help me move on or maybe it won’t. As much as I’d love to keep talking to him and try to charm him back into having feelings, I don’t think that’s best for my heart right now. That part of me is giddy that I was even on his brain yesterday, but I can’t focus on that or I’ll never make progress. I told him that I wanted him to be happy even if that means I can’t be happy right now because that’s what you do when you love someone that much & that I hoped she loved him at least half as much as I do. It took a lot for me to say that to him, so maybe that’s a sign I’m starting to slowly take a step forward.

[JLynn1988]

Three weeks into his relationship with her, they had commented “love you” on a facebook post and at that point I removed myself from facebook. I got back on after almost 3 weeks and noticed he finally changed his relationship status to in a relationship with her. I looked through some posts and noticed that she still tags him in stuff all day, but he hasn’t done much. He was tagging her in things daily. I know that’s not a good indicator of how their relationship is going, but part of me wonders if he was doing it because I could see it. It was days after I logged out that he slowed down on posting stuff about her. Or could it be a sign of their relationship winding down? I’ve heard that what starts fast ends fast and I’m hoping its just a rebound. 3 weeks is soon to say I love you to someone. We said it at a month but realized we were saying it out of lust, and I know I knew I was fully in love with him after about 4 months. I haven’t heard stories of rebounds saying I love you, but she also was in love with her ex when they started to date. In the last month we’ve been no contact, he still occasionally looks at my snapchat story and I haven’t been on facebook except once yesterday. I’ve lost almost 30lbs, gotten new hobbies, and have almost gotten to the point where I can say I’m happy. I say almost because some days are still hard, I swear I love him and miss him more everyday. A lot of the new things I’m doing are things we said we wanted to do together. I figured might as well do them on my own now. I’m still hoping for a reconciliation, but I can’t tell if this is going to be a lasting relationship for him or if there’s a good chance of it fizzling out. They’ve been together almost 2 months now. Whats your opinion and what do you think my chances are at this point? Sorry for the multiple posts on the other thread, it wouldn’t let me post that much on one post.

[JLynn1988]

I guess I’m trying to figure out if this is a typical rebound or if its a real relationship that will last. I wouldn’t think the love word would be thrown around in a rebound, but also 3 weeks is really very soon to be saying that too. In the time of the breakup I’ve been getting back to my old self, a girl who he never really got to meet. I used to go out and have fun and not care what people thought and then gained 60+ lbs and felt like crap. I became a shell of myself and thats the majority of the girl he got when we were together. I’ve lost almost 30lbs and am getting back to being me again and that’s nice. I’m doing things I’ve never done before, getting new hobbies, reconnecting with old friends & just taking care of myself. We haven’t had contact since he moved all of his stuff out, almost a month ago. I can see he occasionally checks my snapchat stories, but that’s it. I haven’t made effort since we got in a fight about how I was pissed that he started dating her days after he told me he wasn’t going to date. Even his mom was shocked that he was seeing someone already. He wanted to move out before they started dating, said we shouldn’t see or talk to each other for awhile. When he started to date her I told him to get out faster than he had planned and made sure I was gone when he got his stuff. My purpose of this is because someday I’d like the chance of trying to fix what we had, but at the same time I’m not sitting around waiting either. I’m living my life and doing what I need to do to make myself happy. But I’m wondering what the odds are of his relationship with her lasting & if I may still have a chance down the road

[JLynn1988]

He had started talking to a girl just days after the breakup, maybe even before. I’d catch glimpses of texts on his phone when he’d leave it around. I could tell that they were laying down the foundation to possibly date soon. I talked to him about us working things out and he said he felt that we ere too different & maybe there was something better out there for him. He also said he needed to work on his own life and didn’t want to date for a very long time. However at the 5 week mark after our breakup he was officially in a relationship with his current girlfriend. I haven’t met her, but I can see a bit about her on her profile. She’s much younger than me, but closer to his age than I was. She’s 19 and he’s 22 and he likes to go out and drink just like any guy that age and she can’t legally do that. She seems to be the exact opposite of me. I’m a very chill girl, don’t get bothered by too much, don’t care about who he talks to or who he hangs out with, I don’t have mood swings, etc. From what she posts on facebook she’s very needy, clingy, jealous, etc. The type of girl he always told me he hated and he loved that I was so chill. He always told me he hated couples who are obsessed with each other on facebook, his family also told me about that too. For him you’re lucky to get him to change his relationship status bc he always likes to keep it private. However now all they do is tag each other in stupid mushy crap and even have commented “love you” on posts they’ve tagged each other in. That was 3 weeks into their relationship. I got off of facebook for almost 3 weeks now, got on yesterday and looked and things seemed to have calmed down. She still tags him in 20 things a day, but he doesn’t much. Haven’t seen anymore sappy lovey mushy posts. She got out of a year long relationship weeks before they began dating, and even shared posts about how her ex is going to regret losing her someday, after she started dating my ex. So they were both very much fresh out of relationships, she was still in love when she started dating my ex. I don’t know what extent his feelings still were for me, obviously some since he tried to get the love back after he lost it, even for only a couple weeks and he never changed anything or talked to me about it

[JLynn1988]

My ex and I broke up the end of January, after 11 months officially together and one month prior to that of just dating. We spent every spare minute together, months together felt like years, we felt like we knew each other forever, blah blah blah. 10 months into the relationship he got a second job, we didn’t get to see each other much. Weight gain for me made me withdraw in the intimacy department. I stopped letting him see me naked, stopped wanting to have sex and for the whole relationship I never really initiated any affection. He would send me paragraph texts of how much he loved me and I’d always respond with, I love you too. Some could say that a lot of the time I acted like I couldn’t care less about the relationship, but in reality he was everything to me and I just didn’t know how to show it. Anyway, we moved in together new years weekend, which was his idea, and he ended things 3 weeks later. He said he had started to fall out of love with me in December and thought moving in would make him happier. The breakup devastated me and I did the bad thing of begging. 3 weeks after the breakup we saw a movie in the theater and that night I found him ready to go to bed in my bed. We slept together for 2 nights, and I asked him what was going on and he said we were heading in the direction of getting back together. The next day he said we should slow down on the sex because he wanted to fall in love with me again and not just have it be sex. The day after that he went cold and said it was a mistake. So that obviously broke my heart again, feeling used for sex. We continued to live together for 5 weeks after the breakup before things got ugly….

[JLynn1988]

I’ve been working hard on myself and while my heart hasn’t healed at all, I have been able to finally say that I’m happy with myself where I am now. Yes I would still love for him to come back and to work things out, but he hasn’t made any effort to communicate and they seem to be very happy together on social media. Posting and tagging each other in things, which we didn’t do until about 6 months in because he said he hated that. Sometimes I wonder if he’s doing it to rub it in my face or perhaps to seem happier than he really is. He still sometimes looks at my snapchat story, but it seems like he only does after I make an interesting facebook post about me being out and doing something. Like a tattoo I got the other day which I never thought I’d do, and when I was out the other night. He may have just been looking at all the stories of his snapchat friends, just seemed a bit coincidental. As for communication, he told me before they started to date that he thought we should not see or talk to each other for awhile. Stupid me thought maybe it was because there were still feelings on his end, but maybe it was just for my sake knowing I’m still in love. He’s still friends with all of his exes, whether it was years or weeks they dated, so I doubt it was his way of being nice about saying he never wanted to see me again. I don’t have the urge to try to text him everyday anymore and have accepted the no contact. At this point I’m not really sure I even have a chance anymore. I thought he was the one simply because I knew the night we met that I wanted him in my life, months together felt like years, everything was so easy, we never had a fight in a year, being with him always felt like home no matter where we were at, and I think I fell for is flaws more than the good stuff most days. I thought that was what made him the one, and maybe he is and time will tell. I just don’t know what to do anymore, but I miss him more everyday and I swear I still fall in love with him every day even though he’s not around.

[JLynn1988]

Thank you very much, you’ve been the first person to tell me that I may have a chance in the future. And he did tell me that moving in was his way of trying to make it work again. However nothing was going to change if we didn’t work on the issues or if had no idea there was an issue for him. I’m not trying to blame this other girl, just trying to decipher if it seems more of a rebound or if its been enough time for him to have more legitimate feelings towards her. And as for working on myself, I’m doing that for me first and if he sees the results and wants to work on things then that is an added bonus. I was alone for 27 out of my 28 years, I’m not going to die without someone. I’ve learned to be happy with just me in the past and unfortunately he caught me when some of my demons were starting to resurface and ultimately kept me from letting him in 100% and being fully comfortable. I will admit that I begged multiple times to work things out and got a variety of responses from him that all equaled that he doesn’t want to. Part of me is also concerned that this girl is using him as her “rebound” so to speak and I don’t want him to get hurt. It worries me that she may be using him to make her ex want her back or that since she just got her heart broken she might have jumped into the arms of any guy who showed an interest and it just happened to be him. I don’t want to see him hurt, I do care about his happiness and that’s why her maturity level as its visible on her facebook concerns me. I guess I will just have to let their relationship run whatever course it is meant to and just try to continue working on getting myself back to where I want to be. I feel so sure with every part of me that he’s The One and that it could be better than it ever was if we got our second chance, but then again I’m sure its normal to feel that way after a breakup with someone you thought you were going to marry someday.

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