Daddy Kitty

[Daddy Kitty]

April, let me ask you a question…

Do you believe you have to work at love, or if it’s really meant to be, should everything come easy?

I have heard people say that if you have to work at it, that’s a bad sign. However, I have also heard people say that any relationship, even all consuming true love, is always a compromise, and that you have to work at it to make it great.

There are people that just expect everything to be perfect, and if it’s not, they assume it’s not love and give up. Then there are others who REALLY love each other and and even though they go through rough times, they work at it, they compromise, they grow closer. Sometimes that still doesn’t work out, but they loved each other enough to work at it.

What are your thoughts?

[Daddy Kitty]

Thanks for taking a stand on the issue April. (You didn’t have to agree with me. In fact, you could have completely disagreed with me.) A person seeking closure doesn’t usually find it by flying kites and chasing rainbows 😉 , and while volunteering is GREAT advice, it doesn’t help me to heal the wounds and move forward. But, thanks.

I came here to discuss how I’m feeling, get those feelings out, and heal, so I can move on and “let go”.

Hi enquirer,

You’re right. I will NEVER compete with a dead man who is PERFECT in her mind and whom she places in her heart above all others now. She doesn’t realize having this kind of “love”, that MJ can’t take care of her when she’s sick, MJ can’t surprise her on her birthday, MJ can’t listen to her and respond when she needs someone to listen, MJ can’t love her in return and grow old with her, etc. It’s safe, but it’s empty…

I do believe she has had some bad experiences in her life and that is what shaped who she is today. It is much easier to love a dead person from afar (even if it’s one sided) because they will never cheat on you, never break your heart, etc. I know it’s fear in her heart that makes her completely closed now to any REAL relationship (or at least one with me). But life is risk right? And you can either risk getting hurt, or never experience the INCREDIBLE JOY of deep reciprocal love.

Unfortunately for me, she came into my life at the worst possible time, when I was going through VERY HARD TIMES, and it affected who I was. For 3 years, she stuck by my side and maintained her feelings for me and even believed my feelings for her weren’t as strong as hers for me. I believed she saw past all of my shortcomings and faults. She saw me at my ABSOLUTE worst and she proclaimed her love regardless. She knew the real me, and she accepted it. I’m not perfect, I have MANY faults, but I am a good person, and I have a good heart, and a loyal heart and I would have loved her all the days of my life, and in the end, she threw me in the trash without a second thought. I never knew it was so easy to let go of someone who you claimed for years was the “love of your life”. Obviously, it’s not that easy for me…

Thanks for your thoughts enquirer. 🙂

[Daddy Kitty]

Hi bella1979,

First of all, I’m terribly sorry you had to experience the situation you described with the young man. That must have been incredibly difficult, and you’re right, life is precious, life is short, and you don’t know what tomorrow brings, and sometimes you never get the answers you seek…and that may be the case for me.

Nevertheless, thank you for your kind words and for understanding how important it is to know the WHY behind people’s actions. Sometimes knowing the WHY behind people’s actions can prevent situations from ever happening. I believe the root of MOST of my problems with this girl was not knowing the WHY behind each other’s actions, and not communicating. SO many situations and difficulties between us could have been prevented and resolved had we only communicated better. Maybe the outcome would have still been the same, but at least we would have had a more peaceful resolution and maybe not dragged this on for years if she really didn’t believe I was a fit for her. (She never admitted that until AFTER I decided to leave.) I do believe most of her “reasoning” for why she no longer wants to be with me is due to her inaccurate beliefs about who I am and her unwillingness to communicate and resolve our differences. She GROSSLY misjudged me, but what can I do that hasn’t already been done? NOTHING.

And I did try to question the whole MJ thing. Believe me, I NEVER saw it coming! There was NO evidence of this complete infatuation with him for the entire time we were together before he died. Her response (in emails) was that she had always felt this way about him and she would end her emails with quotes that MJ had said like, “Love Lives Forever! L.O.V.E.” Of course that was directed to MJ, and not to me. 🙂 It was all very strange… And I do know for a fact because of what she says on her Twitter profile that she is in Los Angeles right now as I write this, because of the anniversary of MJ’s death, taking tours of MJ related things, etc. It’s just very disturbing to me.

Hi April,

It seems as though you don’t want to take a stand on this issue, so I will share MY opinion…(it’s just my opinion) 😉

You are right. There are thousands, maybe MILLIONS of people out there who are looking for someone to FOLLOW, whom they devote their lives to. Just because there are many many people out there who do this, it doesn’t make them right or psychologically stable.

And yes, it can be argued that MJ did some very worthwhile things, but his estate was also $500 MILLION dollars in debt mainly because of his lavish spending on himself! But, that’s irrelevant.

I admire and have great respect for people who devote themselves completely to a worthwhile cause or person who is trying to do good for humanity, whether it’s politics, religion, saving the earth, or whatever.

But there is a distinct difference between that and idolatry, infatuation, and superficial “love”.

You may think I’m obsessed or infatuated with her, but I’m not. I loved her deeply, yes. But, I’m just trying to come to terms with how our relationship ended and learn from it so I can heal and move on. Believe me, it’s therapeutic just to get these feelings out here.

I “think” it would have been easier to move on had I known she just found someone else in her life (a real person whom she was having a REAL relationship with and they were just more compatible with each other). Knowing that she is directing all of her heart and emotions to someone who will never PERSONALLY love her in return, makes me sad for her and sad for me because I know there is no reasoning with a person like this. Had she just found another guy to be in a relationship with, she would realize NOBODY is perfect, we all make mistakes, and forgiveness is a virtue, but to be “in love” with a dead famous person, means they can never do wrong in your eyes, and they will remain perfect in your mind forever.

There are MANY famous people I admire and feel a strong connection with their PUBLIC PERSONA, but I would NEVER create a faux “relationship” out of my feelings for them, and I would NEVER put those feelings above the feelings I have for the REAL people in my life. I can distinguish between the two and I KNOW what’s more important! That’s the difference!

[Daddy Kitty]

Hi April,

I greatly appreciate all of your valuable insight and advice to me.

However, would you please just humor me and just for the sake of discussion, help me understand why someone…ANYONE, would proclaim their love to a public figure whom they’ve never met, put this person above all others in their REAL life, idolize them, mourn over their death for months on end, devote their life to them, etc. etc. etc.

To me, it’s like falling in love with a fictional character (even if it’s a real human being) and pretending fiction is reality. All you know is the character, or the public persona of this person. REGARDLESS of what the media tells you, or what you THINK you know about them, you don’t know them intimately, you don’t know their faults, their weaknesses, their demons, etc. You don’t TRULY know them, and to “fall in love” with this person seems very childlike or reckless, AT BEST.

Look, I know this girl is gone, I GET IT, she didn’t have feelings for me as I thought she did, her “love” wasn’t real, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to learn from this experience and try to understand the WHY behind it. For me, it’s part of the healing and moving on process. Even if I was already in love with someone else, I would still want to understand this better regardless.

Is her behavior common? Is it perfectly normal and healthy? Is it disturbing?

Psychologically, what are your thoughts about this?

[Daddy Kitty]

April,

What are your thoughts about the whole Michael Jackson thing? Of course I wasn’t “replaced” by him, but do you believe it’s healthy and/or normal for a 40 year old woman to be carrying on this way and devoting her life to a pop star…a deceased one at that? To me, it’s creepy, strange, shallow and imaginary, but to her, it’s completely real. 😯

[Daddy Kitty]

Point taken and I have moved on…

I don’t expect anything further from her. It’s over, I know.

However, I would still appreciate getting your input as to why you believe someone would say one thing about how they feel for a LONG TIME, and flat out lie about their true feelings. What’s in it for them? Why wouldn’t they just be honest, and move on? I had to be the one to FORCE IT out of her. If I hadn’t, we might still be just going through the motions because she just let it ride. Why?

Seems cruel and CRAZY.

[Daddy Kitty]

Hi April,

Thanks so much for your input.

I hear what you’re saying and I know I have to completely let her go (and I have for the most part) and I do know now that she is not capable of being in a REAL relationship, as you said. It’s ironic because that’s what she accused me of in the past. In fact as it turns out, many of the things she accused me of being/doing have become self fulfilled prophecies for her. (I don’t know if she’s ever cheated on me, but maybe.)

Just to correct a couple things you commented on…we weren’t really basing anything in our relationship from the high school thing that happened 20 years ago. We dated very briefly in high school and never REALLY got to know each other, and it wasn’t a bad breakup or anything like that. So, there wasn’t this expectation of us being the same people we were in high school and then being let down. We were in essence getting to know each other for the first time with a connection from 20 years ago that just added nostalgia and intrigue.

Also, that night we had a fight, she didn’t actually slap me. I wanted to clarify that. She swung, missed, and that was the end of it. Things have never turned violent between us before or since then. I’m not a violent person, and I don’t believe she is either.

The only reason I put SO MANY YEARS into this was because I believed it was something VERY special. As I mentioned before, I feel there’s that ONE LOVE in your life that rocks you to the core and has a PROFOUND effect on your soul. And she was that for me. And she told me MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY times, that I was that for her, so I believed her. And because she kept stringing me along, telling me she loved me with all her heart, that we were together forever, etc., I believed, and I hung on. Why would I not if I felt that way and I believed her when she said she did to?

What are your thoughts about that? Why would she keep me believing for so long, telling me the things I wanted to hear, not letting me go when I asked her to let me go if she didn’t feel the EXACT same way as me anymore?

I know it’s my fault for sticking around as long as I did when I KNEW her heart wasn’t in it anymore, but why would she not get out when I asked her to very bluntly? Why would she stick around? Convenience? It’s not like she was getting anything out of it…

I know I can’t blame Michael Jackson for all this, but what are your thoughts about her MJ FIXATION now? And why did it never show up before if she claims he’s been the “love of her life” all along? Why did she EVER even need me in her life?

I know there is someone out there who will love me for real like I believed she did, I’m just left with so many questions and no peace in my heart about all this.

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