maleb1

[maleb1]

Exhaling.. Thank you very much April. I now see the light in all the confusion I had. At least tonite I can see some sleep. Keep well and thank you again. 🙂

[maleb1]

Hi April,

My husband has arranged a meeting for my family and his to meet to discuss our problems. He now wants me to come back home.

In the sevenths months that I stayed away I really enjoyed my freedom and I sm no longer sure if I can still carry all the responsibilities that comes with being a wife, step mom and grand stepmom and a daughter in law.

I am now enjoying the time I get of spending time with my son’s daughter. Before I left his house, it was just him,myself and his 11 year old son. Since I left, his 24 year old daughter came to stay with them with her 4 year old son. And his first daughter made it clear that she doesnt love me but she doesn’t stay with them.

My husband is now showering me with gifts and doing all the nice things that I was complaing about while I was in his house.

I am not comfortable with the arrangement of going back and join him with all his kids. What do I do? And I am not sure if he will not go back to his old ways of not treating me well. (Keeping secrets and gossiping about me with his kids). When I ask him why did he let me go to start with he says he also doenst understand how.

[maleb1]

Hi Balanca

Thank you very much for the input, unfortunately at the beginning of August I left my husband. He did not have any problem that I was leaving. He actually assisted me to pack what I was taking with. Afterwards he called me that he wants his lobola money back since we were customary married. And our culture do not practice refunds on lobola. He stayed without contacting me for five months and we spent festive seasons apart. Now the beginning of 2016, first week of January, he came back that he wants to give me everything that I needed in my marriage and he wants me to be happy.
My problem now is why did he allowed me to leave and stayed almost half a year without talking to me. I feel like he was happy that I am leaving him as maybe he was also in a bad space while I was with him. and to my surprise I really enjoyed leaving on my own without missing him but I missed his kids.

[maleb1]

Thank you April. 🙂 😉

[maleb1]

Thank you very much April. 😉

[maleb1]

Yes April. I think I am in a 😮 mixed feeling of either continuing or ending this. And thank you for pointing out to me that financial issues is a continuing issues that we will occur for the rest of our lives. 😯 Of which this high lights to me, that I am in a life time commitment which I different issues will be arising and must be ready to tackle them positively instead of criticizing or taking issues personally. Coming to him knowing what I want or thin, I always make sure how I feel and or how I would like to be treated and he has numerally told me that by telling him how I feel he thinks that I am trying to control him. The same way as when we went for counselling, telling me that he will not let allow another person to tell him how to run his family. 😕

[maleb1]

Hi April. Thank you very for getting back to me. When I said he was calling me names, i mean’t in a negtive way and shouting that whenever we have to go to our parents, I would complain. It was the first time he spoke to me like that in front of his mum. And I ask myself, what made him to think that it iwill be a good idea for him to do that in front of his mum. Of which I am actually complaining about spending most of our weekends at our parents than we spend for just the two of us at our house.And that it cost us money that we would be doing something in our house. And yes I hear you. I will have to put my anger aside and show more appreciation than I was. I hope that will make him to start showing me how much he loves me so that I musnt feel alone in my marriage. You are right, he is also not happy i have realised. Although we had a discussion regarding savings, I ended up saving on my own. I think that brings us back to the trust issues. My worry is why does he enjoy it when I spoil him but he cannot do the same for me. The other day we fought to the extent that we thought the best is to go our separate ways. Without discussing it further, we both individually realized how this arguments can push us to where we wrre not ready to go. Which is our separate ways. I will do my best April. Thank you very much. As being happy is outmost importance to me. Stay blessed.

[maleb1]

We dated for 30 months before we got married.

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