My fiance’s ex 100%. She is emotionally unstable toward my fiance. It interferes with her ability to co-parent or parent their daughter consistently. (She has had lice 6 times in 1.5 years, this is one example) BECAUSE of this stress my fiance acts like yours. Sometimes I can’t believe some of the things he says to me or how he acts. He acts out when he gets overwhelmed. I have learned that when he criticizes me, he does it because he feels inadequate. Once I point this out to him he gets it and apologizes and stops. When he is being angry or negative I know he is again, feeling inadequate but more toward financial responsibilities, thinking he is not “providing” us with what we deserve. I take in to account that he has spent his life being told he is not good enough by the females in his life. His father also died when he was a teenager leaving him with no male role model. I remain patient with him and point out, no matter how pissed he gets, when he is acting out and why it is wrong. Then I tell him a better way to have handled the emotion/situation. If he gets pissed I say my peace and give him space. He is not trying to be a jerk. I truly believe he lacks direction and believes he is nothing. So I remind him everyday what I love about him, praise him and I don’t take any of his criticism personally. It is always caused by something eating at him deeply. I shift the struggle into helping him process his emotions in a healthy way and show him love and support. It is a lot of work, but I had someone walk out of my life when I really needed them to be by my side through the same type of issues within myself. If you love him and see yourself happy with him working toward common goals then keep going. A counselor may be able to break down what you are trying to get through to him. It has united us so much more and has given us hope. We also listen to a lot of Tony Robbins and live by the Law of Attraction. Faith goes a long way.
