Thanks April. I’ve said those things to myself many times, thus the outpouring. Letter was mostly way
for me to get a good hold on all those feelings, not something I would deliver in that form. I did, however,
have a commitment from him, asked me to marry him, gave me a very nice ring and swore he could do better.
Now for the update, he was rushed to the emergency about a week ago with congestive heart failure. There
has been a defect in his heart for quite awhile which causes the heart to gradually lose functioning which
in turn prevents the body to pump oxygen through the system and thereby causing a build up of carbon dioxide.
This causes the person to be sleepy and lethargic and gets worse over time.
Bottom line, he’s been struggling with a legitimate illness and not being lazy. I am now feeling a little guilty
because I more or less told him I thought he was lazy and taking me for granted, etc. He did say he’s been
feeling poorly for a while but thought it would pass. Anyway, I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and now I am
sorry for being crappy to him lately.
I am really confused. Before I met him, he was doing pretty well. He had just moved to Jersey and had found
only one job which he had to leave because he said he was physically unable to handle it. So, he took little
side jobs here and there but nothing steady. Doctors are now saying that this whole thing has been building
probably since that time.
They are also saying that after this crisis has passed, he will be able to manage the situation and will be
healthier than has been in a while. So, he will be starting over in a sense, and I may be able to see the
real man.
I am wondering though, if after he comes home from the hospital, if he will hold my accusations against me.
I’m hoping he will understand.
