[scarlett75]

Thanks April. You are absolutely right about the cheating. It [i]is[/i] what it [i]is[/i] no matter how I try to justify what happened in my mind. I guess I need to figure out why the first incident didn’t cause the type of remorse one would expect, (duh right? 🙄) and why it would immediately escalate into another bad situation just a mere two days later.

Your thoughts on my subconscious feelings playing out in a passive aggressive way are interesting and something I had not considered before. There are things that bother me about my boyfriend and some of those things go way back to the first time we were together. I’ve been hesitant to communicate any of these concerns because one, I don’t want to be co-dependent with him (like I was in the past) and two, because I didn’t want to rock the boat. We have a good thing going and the issues I have with him are not deal breakers, yet.

I guess I need to figure out if he is really the one that I want to be with long term. In the meantime, I probably need to stay away from alcohol. Both situations took place in a drunken haze. I doubt I would’ve found myself in either situation if I had been sober.

Thanks again for your help. I didn’t want to talk to my friends about this. This is a great service that you provide people. What a mess I’ve created. Sigh. Hopefully my boyfriend can forgive me.

[scarlett75]

Thanks April. You are absolutely right about the cheating. It [i]is[/i] what [i]it[/i] is no matter how I try and justify it in my mind. I guess I need to figure out why the first incident wasn’t enough of a wake up call (duh right? 🙄 ) and also why I so nonchalantly put myself in another situation where I cheated [i]again[/i], just a mere two days later.

Your thoughts on my behavior possibly being a subconscious thought playing out in a passive aggressive way are interesting. I need to explore that more and make sure that he really is the one I want to be with on a long term basis. There are things that bother me about my boyfriend and some of those concerns go way back to the first time we dated. They aren’t deal breakers and I’m being very careful to not be co-dependent with him but it’s possible I was rebelling in some messed up way. I’m going to mull that over before I talk to him about what happened. After he hears what I did, it may not be my choice anymore anyway. What a mess I’ve created for myself. Sigh. I probably need to stop drinking for awhile too. Both of the occasions where I cheated were in drunken bar situations. If I had stayed sober, I don’t believe I would’ve done what I did.

Thanks again for your help. This is a wonderful service that you offer people. I really didn’t know who to talk to about this. I felt too ashamed to talk to my friends. Hopefully things will work out for the best.

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