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I want to talk to him to know why he is behaving this way. I want to ask him to tell me if iv been wrong somewhere or hurt him. But he doesn’t wanna talk. Shall I go to him myself and talk or would it be negative to do so.

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I want all well but I’m scared. Please tell me how to get him to change and be understanding. Give some steps to follow when ill be with him.

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Dear april.
U dont believe me true its cause im confused and unable to decide and you can see through it. Dear u being my advisor i wanna tell u that I didnot show up or call while he was at work I texted him over facebook messenger. And if he was so busy he shouldnt have read it going to his facebook account. He basically accused me for sending him the text. The text wrote “I Love U and the things that has been happening is hurting me. Please come down once so we can all sit and talk and solve our problems.”
Later in the evening that day his dad calls with him in conference to my dad to say I am disturbing him.
Facebook texts are meant to be read when people are free not busy hence I said I know he made fake complaint.
Yes recently i thought of meeting him where he lives in a quarter provided by his office. But I would talk at his house not his office. Its mines area so people get quarters to live nearby the mines.
Yes I made a wrong choice. His needs and mine do not match. I agree but he lied to me all the while. He hid about his having varicocele and being incapable I found out in a very very old prescription while dusting the cupboard. When a person has any sickness they go to doctor he refuses to accept he has any problem. I had cleared to him of who I am and how I want to live that I also wanna do a job. He himself assured me he is different and we both think alike and have same perspective towards life. Now it has changed. Regarding me my fault is that I got sick with TB and also I told him to go to a doctor. A partner is supposed to stand with you in health and sickness. How do I know he wont leave me if I go fat or have wrinkles someday or if I catch some disease again. I’m scared April. I’m scared that what if I made compromises and its a waste. I’m in a state I do not know what to do. Heart and mind are at war. I have feelings for him I cant deny. And using abusive language is his habit I had tried to correct it but he keeps using this kind of language and it hurts to hear such words for myself or my parents.
I’m not playing victim but iv suffered 8whole months stress levels gone high not being able to sleep. I want him but this version of him I want to change him back. I want the guy whom I had loved. I’m confused and broken. And I’m not ready maybe to sacrifice my job and parents and my life to be scared when next he would leave me. I’m scared April.

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Hi april.. I understand dear. The time he complained about his being busy in work was false and i know 110% it was all fake. Im a human being too and have opinions and ideas a life he wants a robot for a wife without needs and feelings. And actually im the idiot who still wants him wants things right. I agree contacting a lawyer means heading towards divorce. It shud b the last option but he has been running away from me running n running. He got scared of my Tuberculosis left me and was not ready to accept me unless I got cured. He used abusive languages he is incapable. I’m ready to accept all now I have to accept being a robot. I know u r right I know u r that is the only way to save marriage. U r right but it hurts to give up everything even my parents as he wants it hurts. But ill do as u said I will go give it a try for a year or so. I will dear.

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Hi April!! After talking to u i thought of going to my husband and staying with him for 6 months and give us a try. For this my parents tried contacting my husband and my inlaws but either they disconnect our calls or not pick up only. Once after series of calling He told to my uncle he would only talk to me and no one else so I called him n told him in coming down with my family to his house which is in the area he works. Now since iv told him in coming he is on leaves and sitting at his parents house. Our lawyer has suggested if we go and talk at his parents house things will go worse as his parents never wanted us married in the first place. So talking to my hubby where he lives is best. Also cause in the company he works my distant relative uncle is topmost boss therefore my hubby will not want a bad repo in office and will have to talk nicely as where he works n lives is a very small place and a mines area hence talks travel fast. But its been 18days he is still on leave. What do i do. Now im again planning to go but dont know if he will be there. Im scared he may resign from company and move elsewhere. What should i do April??

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Hi April!!
I had previously also seeked your help. Ill recap shortly.
I had a love marriage but inlaws created a lot of trouble since the start. Earlier my husband was supportive although we had fights but later on things got worse. My hubby is sexually incapable n a thorough listener n follower of his parents. We r separated since I got sick with Tb for about 8 months now. Me n my entire family has tried to contact him n his parents but either they disconnect our calls or not pick up only. He told to my uncle he would only talk to me so I called him n told him in coming down with my family to his house which is in the area he works. Now since iv told him in coming he is on leaves and sitting at his parents house. Our lawyer has suggested if we go and talk at his parents house things will go worse as his parents never wanted us married in the first place. So talking to my hubby where he lives is best. Also cause I the company he works my distant relative uncle is topmost boss therefore my hubby will not want a bad repo in office and will have to talk nicely as where he works n lives is a very small place and a mines area hence talks travel fast. But its been 18days he is still on leave. What do i do.
A link to my earlier post will remind u of me: https://relationshipadviceforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=325551

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Dear April.
Thanks n yes I’m not ready maybe to wake up. I’m not even ready to accept him the way he is and not expect anything from him. I’m just too broken. He was my first love iv never before loved anyone and I cant be with him yet I wanna be with him.
Ill try April to wake up.
Thanks 😥 😥 😥 😥

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Thanks dear April
I understand I have to accept everything that he wont come down to me his parents will not keep any meeting even the fact he wont go to a doctor to keep being married to him. 😥
I’ll be happy for a while by doing so and being with him in the mines area not doing any job. But I may not be able to have the happiness every girl wants in her man love respect trust sharing decisions responsibility listening to each other not even the intimacy.
I have been told this by my parents and friends but to decide is very hard for me for I have loved him truly. I have decided to somehow persuade him to go to marriage counsellor.
Although I haven’t been able to get him to listen to me I still hope I can do so.
Is there a way by which I can force him to come and see marriage counsellor. Is there any legal provision by which I can make him do so.

Please tell me if there is.
Thanks April.

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[quote=”Pretty”]All I want is to get him to a doctor. Rest all I’m ready to accept. I’m ready to change. I’m ready to add his title to my last name. Ready to not keep my parents with me. Ready to study more even.
But without him going to a doctor our marriage will break today or tomorrow I know as his parents will always step in between and he doesn’t trust me. Im ready to do everything. My doctor has said listening to the story there may be psychological problems in my hubby.
My parents believe he never loved me he married me as every guy has a wife. He claims he loves me but his behaviour and actions are opposite. I want to have a happy marriage and I want to get him to not pay heed to my inlaws.
Please April isn’t there a way tell me is there anything that can make him understanding. April dear isn’t there any hope left for me.[/quote]

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All I want is to get him to a doctor. Rest all I’m ready to accept. I’m ready to change. I’m ready to add his title to my last name. Ready to not keep my parents with me. Ready to study more even.
But without him going to a doctor our marriage will break today or tomorrow I know as his parents will always step in between and he doesn’t trust me. Im ready to do everything. My doctor has said listening to the story there may be psychological problems in my hubby.
My parents believe he never loved me he married me as every guy has a wife. He claims he loves me but his behaviour and actions are opposite. April dear isn’t there any hope left for me.

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Thanks tons n tons for replying April. I knw u r right.
Only one thing is that before our marriage topic of fight was his parents like his parents told us to wait 2 years we waited they again wanted us to wait another year for no cause at all. Then his parents wanted keep a gap of 7 days between marriage and reception and they did so due to this a lot of my relatives wanted to but couldn’t attend the reception as they all stay far away from where we live and they attended only wedding. Since only a few ppl came at our reception my inlaws again created a row as to what kind of family I have. They just anyhow created rows. I bought a nice gift as door hanging for them and they called my dad the next day to complain its not in their culture to hang such things and that my parents haven’t taught me anything.
I gave them nice expensive clothes as gifts at this too they pointed out that ppl like to show off in front me n continuing to say bad words making me cry.
Before marriage our major area of fight was our delayed marriage cause of his parents. My parents stepped in and settled the matter talking to his parents even. After which my hubby even apologized to my parents for the sleepless nights I had suffered and which caused my dad to get blood sugar. He promised my dad he will always keep me happy and never fight but try to find ways to solve matters. Yet today he has broken all his promises promises to me n my dad.
After marriage they made me sit on my hubby’s feet and with both my hands folded and open kind of begging I asked him to provide me food and cloth and thereafter only I could eat my food.
There is no such ritual iv found out yet just to make me feel small they did it.
My inlaws have always tried their best to make my life hell and now they have succeeded.
My parents have tried so much to give and give gold and other things too yet and now my hubby writes to me that my parents haven’t given enough(dowry)
My hubby has become so bad today he just insults me my parents for no reason but stating u r a girl u have to know to be under us.
I agree with you I wont try to keep both parents and inlaws under one roof I agree with it. I will keep them near to me but yet not under one roof is the idea iv sorted cause I have to take care of them too they are getting old. But I want to be able to do a job and get him to go to a doctor.
After our marriage he would kiss me help me in kitchen bathe with me but still he has no desires to be sexual. He would make all kinds of excuses like office pressure he is too tired even on three days holidays when he used to be at home he was same. A doctor I consulted telling him elaborate details has told me it may worsen with Time. He needs to get treated. But how do I take him to a doctor.
He left me when i was sick and needed his presence beside me. He doesn’t trust me he needs to see a doctor he doesn’t keep any money at home we had to lend money twice from neighbours. His parents are greedy I have given them all my jewellery even. Yet they are not satisfied.
My parents see an unsatisfied and unhappy marriage ahead of me and are not anymore trusting him. I still love him and yes I do expect him to be nice at least and not hurt me. My parents still only want that I should do a job and get him to go to a doctor.
I do not like his parents they have always said bad bad things to me. They used to say I have no level. I’m a mere graduate cause I haven’t studied in IIT like my hubby. I have done post grads but from a normal college hence my qualification doesn’t count for them.
You know my inlaws eloped and married leaving their house. Thereafter my mother in law got a job. And my father in law coudnt and stayed at home raising my hubby. They never followed any rituals any boundaries. I thought I’m lucky to have such inlaws but I know they said yes just for their own history. My mother in law is a clerk. My inlaws and hubby are schedule casts. My Dad is DGM at a multi national company my caste is chatriya. But my parents n I don’t believe in castes hence they married me to him thinking boy I good. My hubby used to praise my dad. And now he uses all kinds of slangs for him.
My hubby had told me amidst all this many times writing my dad is so selfish he taught my brother and not me. My brother has studied from iit like him. I got soo hurt I told him I would only talk to him when I will prove I’m something.
I have studied business analytics while I had been sick and this was happening.
And I have an upcoming NET exams in going to appear in.
April can you not tell me a way to get back my old love my love. Please April I ready to change see iv educated myself even more and I’m ready but isn’t there a way to get him to understand me.
What should I do. Can u help April please!!!!

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