someoneinaustx

[someoneinaustx]

I think you should walk away for now. This, from a man who grew up under a single mother who put social life before kids. What did that get me? A string of jack a$$ men who were physically abusive to the both of us, a mom who turned to drugs and alcohol, and few fond memories of childhood.

Because you have a child, EVERY decision you make needs to be about what is in the best interest of that child. It didn’t ask to be born to a young mother. If there is even a sliver of a chance that the Ex could do anything to cause drama in the life of your child, then forget about it.

Spend your time working on making your life and the life of your child a better one, and good things and good guys will come!

Best wishes!

[someoneinaustx]

I agree with The_Jester. You need to ask yourself if you really need to be with someone who acts so sanctimonious about your lie, while completely ignoring the fact that HE DID THE EXACT SAME THING!

It sounds to me like he is an “ageist”! Just kidding.

I can tell you that if I were in his position, ignoring my own lie about age, I would be a bit disappointed if I hit it off with you as you described it. In my mind, I would have plotted a potential future with one another which would have had age-related milestones which could not happen with such a large age disparity. Maybe he is a momma’s boy who isn’t prepared to defend you to his parents. Maybe he just isn’t as into you as you are to him and saw this as his “out”. I don’t know the answer and can think of a thousand more possibilities. All I do not is that if he determines that you are more important to him that your age spread, then he will be back.

Let us know how it turns out!

[someoneinaustx]

I had to stop laughing before I could write my response. Your spelling and grammar are terrible, so I would quit worrying about boys and study a little more. I am not trying to be rude, but I am quite embarrassed for you if you hope to one day join the work force and earn a decent living.

Back to the topic of your post: relationships shouldn’t be so much work to determine where you stand in them. If they are, you shouldn’t be in it. Relationships are difficult, but determining your place in one isn’t. Ask the question. Ask him what he wants or what his intentions are. Do even care? Do you want him back? It sounds to me like there is just too much drama already, so you are better off moving on and finding someone with whom you are more compatible.

Good luck!

[someoneinaustx]

I tend to employ the “look, let’s not play games” method. If I were you, I would say (even via voicemail, if necessary) “We seem to be having a little trouble connecting. That’s a shame, because I was really looking forward to spending some time with you. I am all for going out with friends, but let’s sneak out first with just you and I, then we can meet up with them later in the evening.”.

Stop playing games and stop trying to be cool about it. You can be excited and eager without giving off the impression that you are ready to pick out your China pattern with her. I don’t do passive-aggressive or games very well, and they have no place in relationships (friendship or otherwise).

Put your thoughts out there and be a man and deal with the consequences. Things may happen the way you want, or they may not, but at least you will quickly learn exactly where you stand. If it’s not what you want, then just move on. Life isn’t a Hollywood movie where one day she will wake up and realize that the man she has been ignoring is the perfect man for her. She either feels it now or she doesn’t, so you need to quickly learn which it is.

Good luck!

[someoneinaustx]

The broader question instead of the one you posted, is why do you associate yourself with people like this? Abusive? A Good Drunk? People say that you are judged by the company you keep, and it sounds like you are making very poor decisions. Start taking some pride in yourself and change your scene. Demand better of yourself and others. Life is short and there is no reason to spend it living that way.

[someoneinaustx]

Get on the same page with regard to the kid ASAP. Tell her that you are her best friend and biggest supporter, but that you two are kidding yourselves if you think that you should be in a committed relationship just because you have a child. Tell her that you want her to go out into the world and live life (while being a mother) and that you want to do the same. Fight hard to keep your friendship intact and move away quickly from the idea of being a couple. If you two mature a bit and decide that you do belong together, then you can always get back together, but right now it doen’t seem that either of you want to be together in a committed relationship, so there is no reason to pretend like that’s what’s going on.

[someoneinaustx]

It depends on how you value your relationship with her. If you are prepared to do what’s right and risk your friendship ending, then go ahead and tell him. Under no circumstance should you tell her he intends to propose. Doing what’s right has a price tag associated with it that most people don’t want to pay. You decide what’s more important to you: your friendship with a woman who cheats on commitments, or informing someone who has been cheated on that the woman he has on a pedestal has cheated on him (i.e. what’s right!).

[someoneinaustx]

Sexual desire for a young male is almost reflexive. The moment he thinks about it is the moment he has an erection. As a man ages, desire can wane for a multitude of reasons. Perhaps he believes he achieved what he was supposed to by having sex: children. Perhaps he testosterone levels have decreased, causing a low libido. Perhaps the stress of life is causing him to not have the desire and the affair was an outlet for him to reduce stress and feel like a man again. The point is, that the issue is his to solve and he has to want to solve it. Perhaps he is happy just being friends with you without the pressure of labeling your relationship in any other way. My advice is that if you want him in your life, accept what he has to offer right now and stop trying to make him be what you need him to be for you.

[someoneinaustx]

You have a decision to make. Most people don’t change as adults, so you have to decide if you can move forward with things the way they are, or prepare yourself to move on. You have heard people use the expression “growing apart”, well that’s what’s happening here. You cannot go back to the way things used to be without someone having to give up on what they like about how things are now. She seems to be fine with how things are now and you aren’t. If you push hard on going back, she is just going to resent you. If you give up and accept her for the way things are now, you will resent her. My advice is to move on. This, from a man who is in a 14 year marriage and who is dealing with the issues of not leaving when I should have. All the signs were there and I CHOSE.. get that.. I CHOSE to ignore them. Now I am suffering the consequences and since children are involved I cannot just move on.

[someoneinaustx]

Your words were “He needs oral sex to climax”, not mine. The inference from you is that he cannot climax any other way. I like oral sex, as do a lot of men, but that’s not the only way I can have an orgasm. If he is unable to reach orgasm through penetration, then something in his head is preventing it from happening (hence the mental comment). I am not suggesting he is a nut case. How would I know?

Back to the other part of your post: don’t be afraid to be more aggressive in the bedroom. Women have to take more responsibility to ensure it is a pleasurable experience for them than do men. Men make sure they are pleased, and not much else. Tell him “I will be happy to finish you off with my mouth, but first you have to finish me off with yours!”

Don’t let him off the hook!

[someoneinaustx]

If I were you, I would write a nice note and hand it to her in a manner which is not completely obvious to everyone else around. You don’t want to embarrass her at work, so asking out loud would not be the best idea. Not to mention, a bad boss may fire her if he learns about it.

I would be very complimentary in the note and just something to the effect of:

I hope that you don’t feel embarrassed or pressured by this note in any way, but if we don’t take chances in this world nothing exciting will ever happen. I came to this restaurant for work one day and I couldn’t help but notice you. You are clearly a beautiful woman and your smile caused me to smile. It is my hope that I may have the opportunity to get to know you a little better outside of your work, so if you are interested in meeting up for a coffee and a casual conversation you can call or text me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. I look forward to seeing you again!

Obviously, I don’t know you or your style, but what I wrote seems to me like it wouldn’t be awkward for her if the attraction wasn’t mutual. I wouldn’t stand there while she read it, I would just hand it to her and tell her it’s for when she has a few moments to herself.

Women are strange creatures. I am married and every morning when I would take my kids to school I would see one woman park her car near where I live and go jogging. She is a very beautiful woman and I began to look forward to seeing her. She was just part of the morning routine. One day I wrote a note and stuck it under her windshield wiper. The note said something to the effect of:

“I just wanted to pay you a compliment because every morning I see you jogging and can’t help but notice how beautiful you are. I look forward to driving past you every weekday, because for some unknown reason it just makes me smile. Anyway, I just wanted to write and pay you a compliment. Perhaps knowing the simple joy of a smile you bring to my daily routine will make you smile, in turn.”

See, I thought I was being sweet and thought that a woman would appreciate that she was noticed and complimented. Well, she never parked there again, so I guess she thought I was a stalker. I had the simplest of intentions which were really, really, really misinterpreted. It is sad that our society is in the state in which it is, because complimenting a woman at work will get you fired and your company sued, and any compliment to a stranger means you must be a stalker.

Why am I telling you this? Because it is possible that what you want to do could go horribly wrong, but I wouldn’t let that stop you from trying!

Good luck!

[someoneinaustx]

Stop chasing her. That’s what she wants. She has all of the control right now and she knows it. She knows that all she has to do is smile at you and you will do whatever she wants. Your eagerness is messing things up for you. Guys do this too often.

Have you ever wondered why the cool, aloof guys get all the girls? Even the ones that aren’t really attractive land some nice women. Why is that? Because they understand women. They understand that their own time is valuable and that if they have to chase a woman then they are wasting their time. Women want guys to like them, and when guys don’t they want to know why and what is going on. Sound familiar? You are the woman in this relationship!!! Quit being the woman!

Stop contacting her so much and make sure she knows the fun things you did when you do. Make sure you mention some friends who were there and make sure you drop the names of some girls. No girl wants to know that a guy she likes is having fun with other girls.

Now here is where you have to pay close attention: if she doesn’t start coming back your way, then she really isn’t into you. You may just be her safety blanket to pass time until the next guy comes along, so you will have to decide if you are OK with that, or if it’s time to move on. My advice is to never be the safety blanket, because you will just be frustrated and NEVER get what you want. She will tease you and just continue to string you along. Women aren’t attracted to men who so willingly cede all the power. It shows you are weak.

I say this from a position of experience, because I used to be you until I learned to play the game… and it is a very silly game… I just paid attention to women one day and studied the situation until I learned how to flip the whole dynamic. I went from chasing to being chased, and let me tell you, it is nice to be on the other side. Just don’t turn into a jerk and abuse your new found power.

Shawn

PS – I don’t mean to be rude, but learn to spell and use proper English. It will help you tremendously in life!

[someoneinaustx]

Because he is still waiting to be sure that the relationship is as solid as he wants it to be before making that decision. In my opinion, people should date at least a year before moving in with one another. Especially if part of the decision as to why he should move in is financial (i.e. saves you money).

I would not push the issue, or you will push him away (this from a male)…

I refused to move in with any girlfriend when I was younger, even though I spent a lot of time at my girlfriends’ places. I didn’t want to play house, I wanted to sleep in my own bed with my own things from time-to-time, and it was good for us all to take breaks from time to time without feeling smothered…

I tell this to all women… and I don’t know you or your situation, so don’t be offended if it doesn’t apply to you, but if you are having a lot of sex, back off of it and spend time with each other outside of the bedroom for a while. When you do have sex, make it spectacular, but back off of the frequency until you are certain that he is in it for you and not the sex. Many women are surprised at the answer: when the sex slows, he goes.

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