indestructible

[indestructible]

Is it… wrong that I still continue to look at the little things she says and does towards me? Like, for example, last weekend when we were on lunch break together… We were talking about something or other, and I stated my opinion, and in a weird sort of way, she told me that she had always said the exact same thing, like, word for word.

She had also asked this one older guy we work with to bring her a little of some pasta dish he had made for his wife, and after she warmed it up, she grabbed me a fork, too, and insisted I try some with her.

Then, last night, I went out for the first time to a tavern with three of my coworkers, which included this girl, another girl we work with, and the aforementioned older guy. The other girl was talking about something her boyfriend did that annoyed her a bit, and the girl I like looked at me and said “Don’t ever do that”. Later on, she was really trying to get me to do shots with her and the other girl (especially when she found out I’d never done shots before), but I didn’t do it because I’m still a bit of a “lightweight” when it comes to alcohol; they didn’t end up doing shots, for whatever reason, though.

Ugh. I hate that I’m having so much trouble getting over her… v_v We just seem so good together, and I’ve never met a girl I’ve been so “good” with. What a sucky feeling…

[indestructible]

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about asking her out again when she finishes school in December, but I think chances are slim to none that she’d say yes. She’s given me no indication that she’d be interested in seeing where things are after school is over, so I have no good reason things would go differently.

I am kinda hoping maybe she’ll bring it up again when school is over, but I doubt that she will. I dunno, I don’t want her to think poorly of me, I don’t want to be the guy she had to say no to twice, or whatever. I dunno. I just wish there were an easy way to talk about it again with her, but it hasn’t come up since, and its been close to two months since she said no.

[indestructible]

Ever get that message I sent ya, joe?

[indestructible]

Heh, well, I don’t know about sending flowers, or anything like that. Seems a little too much for some one I haven’t actually seen for so many years. I think I’m kind of walking on thin ice, here; I’m definitely persistent enough to try and see this through, but at what point does it become TOO persistent? I like the mock up e-mail message you included, and it sounds pretty good, but considering I just sent her a big message “putting it all out there” and everything not more than a month ago, are you very sure that wouldn’t further how bad I look in her eyes (if, in fact, she got that last message in the first place)? Silly as it sounds, but even if she rejects me, I don’t want her to forever think of me as some obsessed creepy stalker that just couldn’t leave her alone, yanno? I just wish I had a better view of how to draw the line.

As for whether or not she likes me and is being “shy”, eh, I can’t really see that. Based on what I’ve gotten to know from her online, she seems like a fairly sociable, outgoing girl; I doubt she’s waiting for me to make any kind of move, because, well, heh, I already tried making a move twice, now. Here’s something interesting to note, though; back when we were first writing, I had stupidly made an offhand comment about seeing her again some time in the future, and she responded positively at the time. Then when I was more direct about asking to meet up, that’s when she started flaking out. Seemed a little weird, to me. Anyway, she also doesn’t seem the type that “plays games”, but I guess one can never be too sure. :/

So, like I said, I want to keep going with this if there’s any chance left for me and her at all, but I don’t want to cross the line too much that she forever has a bad image of me. I suppose if I DO send that message you posted, I should probably wait a few weeks; reason is, being that she’s currently away at school, she’s probably getting ready for finals, and then preparing to come home for the summer, and me sending that kind of a message right now would probably just get lost in the mix. Probably better off sending it mid-May, early June, I’d think.

[indestructible]

Well, I’m kind of in a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation, here… I really have no way of knowing for sure whether or not she got the message. If she DID get the message, me writing her would probably just look pathetic, wouldn’t it? But if she DIDN’T get the message, then I never really got to properly take my shot, and she never actually ignored it, and there still could’ve been something. :/ So, it’s a tricky situation. But I think I kinda know what you mean about messages on MySpace being kinda weird; a while back, when I was in high school, I sent a private message to some one I knew, just asking them something that wasn’t really that important, and they never answered back, nor did they ever indicate to me (in person) that they had gotten the message. So yeah, I’m kinda worried, now, that maybe she never got it, maybe this isn’t her ignoring me, and maybe it’s not quite over, just yet.

Thing is, though, it’s getting harder and harder to “contain” myself; what I mean is, I’ve spent the last year making “small talk” messages with her (save for the couple of more serious “wanna meet up?” messages), and it’s really gotten me nowhere, to the point of frustration. I also can’t help but wonder if maybe that’s why her interest level started dropping off, because I spent the year making “small talk” with her. :/ I want to keep writing to her, if there’s still a chance things could maybe work out between us, but it’s just hard to keep up writing the same “hey, how you doing?” messages I’ve been writing for ages, now.

[indestructible]

Eh, I don’t really have that well of “connections” that I could find a friend of a friend that may know her. Heh, up until earlier this year when I found her MySpace, I didn’t even know where she lived; for all I knew, she could’ve moved to a whole different state, or something. I imagine if I knew some one that could help me get in touch with her better, I probably would’ve run into her by now.

And thanks, I’ll take a look at the links you posted.

[indestructible]

Hm. Alright, so how do I put her on the spot when our only form of communication at the moment is MySpace? Even if I write her again, asking for her phone number, or something, she could just as easily not respond, just like with the last two messages. :/ Really, I don’t necessarily think she wants nothing to do with me (again, I’d think she’d cover her tracks a little better, so to speak), but I can’t figure out why she hasn’t been responding to my messages… I just wish I knew what was holding her back.

I’m also kinda worried that maybe I’m too late. She’s been back at school for a good month or two by now; and since she rarely updates her MySpace anymore, she could very well already be seeing some one new, or at least have some one in mind, and I have no way of knowing that. That and, well… being that she had some idea that I liked her back in grade school, I’m concerned that I’ll come off as some desperate creepy guy that’s been waiting for her all these years. Although, I guess I can see the irony, since some might say I AM that guy, after reading my story. @_@

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