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Dear readers and forum members:

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[Standard] Am I the other woman or potentially more?

#1
He loves me and we have been together for almost a year seeing each other almost everyday almost all night and texting all day and night. Even took trips together. It almost is a fully committed relationship except that he lives with his girlfriend of 4 years (most of it was long distance until she moved counties and quit her job to be with him) she wants to get married but he refuses to because he says he’s not ready. I don’t know how he justified all the nights he’s missing and trips he takes and hickeys. He said he tried to break up with her but she won’t listen and let him go. She loves him like no one else and that he cannot kick her out on the street since she has no money, friends and her contract will finish in July and she can either go home or be extended in which case she will move out but until then he cannot change the situation. I know he respects her a lot and he said he’s only said I love you to her and me in his life. He doesn’t know what to do either. Maybe he can’t decide between the two of us? Like she provide him with something I can’t and I provide something she can’t? What does this mean? He also firmly believes that if he doesn’t say something it’s not considered lying. Getting information out of him is very difficult and I have to beg him almost and sound like a psycho stalker to get anything. Asking specific questions or else he won’t share. I love him despite the difficulties and I want to understand where this comes from.. why is he dragging this out and what does this mean?

Re: [Standard] Am I the other woman or potentially more?

#2
He's got a great set up. He's got his long-term, live-in girlfriend -- and he's got his one-year girlfriend on the side! Whatever he says, the bottom line is that he doesn't want things to change. If he did, he'd change them. Instead, he's saying what he needs to say to keep you in the game, and he's winning at it. Whether or not you're "the other" woman, that's really just semantics. What you definitely are is one of two women that he's with. Instead of wondering why he's doing what he's doing, you should probably ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing. If you want a relationship with a man who is going to put you first, this is never going to be that. Instead of trying to win him over -- which is never going to happen because he doesn't want it to happen -- why not try to find someone who wants just you? It sounds like you're trying to help him overcome some defect that is causing him to date both of you without choosing. Instead of turning him into a project, shine the spotlight on yourself. If you want monogamy, go get it -- with someone who wants it, also. I hope that helps. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.